Michael Caines, Exeter

Don't mention a certain East End actor, don't get in the way of the maître d' and don't expect anything too modern. Richard Johnson dines at Michael Caines in Exeter

If Uri Geller gave me one of his hand-painted plates, I wouldn't hang it on my wall – I'm not sure it would give the right message to my clientele. But restaurateur Michael Caines gives his plate (depicting a pyramid emanating "positive energy") pride of place at the Royal Clarence Hotel in Exeter. I guess (and, by all means, send me a cosmic thought message if you think I'm wrong) Caines is a man who likes to do things his own way. And some might say he's doing them very nicely. He was Chef of the Year in 2002, and is in the process of turning himself into a brand. And because he's busy cooking at Gidleigh Park, the Royal Clarence is a Michael Caines licence. Like most of Exeter. You can now buy an MC baguette at his pub. Or an MC cocktail at his bar. And when he opens a hardware shop, you'll be able to buy an MC hammer.

The Royal Clarence was the first building in England to be called a hotel. Everyone's stayed there, from Nelson to Tsar Nicholas I. And Uri Geller. I guess they hide the spoons when Uri comes to stay. The restaurant looks out over the cathedral. In Brazz, round the corner from the Clarence, they serve a cathedral pudding with eaves of biscuit. Michael Caines is currently sponsoring the cathedral's concert calendar. And they say religion is dead!

In an effort to look modern, the Michael Caines restaurant has ended up looking rather old-fashioned. The logo – an M encircled by a C – mimics the @ symbol, and would have been fine for an internet café circa 1999. But not for a fine-dining restaurant in 2003. Everything about it screams "Bistro", and the obvious lighting picks out the single gerbera on every table. Even gerberas seem dated – their bold colours redolent of the times when Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen ruled the land.

So the food came as a welcome diversion. There is a good value £16.50 lunch, but we went à la carte which meant a rich langoustine bisque to open proceedings. Nice, but with nothing to distinguish it from all the other times I've opened proceedings with a langoustine bisque. My artichoke hearts stuffed with wild mushrooms, topped with hollandaise sauce (£6.50) were comforting. Hollandaise sauce makes everything comforting.

However, Neris's scallops, served with celeriac purée and soy vinaigrette, were nearly cold by the time they arrived. My saddle of venison was overcooked, and the side-order of broccoli was badly over-salted. It was of little comfort to know that the mountain ash salt cellar on our table (not that we needed any salt) was an exclusive design from the Nic Wood range, and available for us to purchase in the MC deli – a stone's throw from our very table!

A young waitress kept disturbing us with a hollow-sounding "Are you happy with your meal?" Next time with feeling, please. And when the maître d' came to sweep up the crumbs on the table, he pushed my arm out the way. Hard. What's the etiquette when it comes to hitting one's maître d'? It's going to take more than a few Uri Geller plates to give this place "positive energy". And remember – it isn't the people you fire who make your life miserable, it's the people you don't.

You can understand why the staff might get short-tempered. God knows how many times a day they must have to explain that this is Michael Caines' restaurant – not Michael Caine's. Or pretend that "My name is Michael Caine" is still a very funny thing to say. But that's no excuse for the sullen attitude, and being pushed around by the maître d'. I could have had him, mind. He was a big man, but out of shape.

Thank goodness for the dessert course. Even if the huge plates, dressed up with coloured sauces and toupees of spun sugar, did look a bit out-of-date too. Before there was crème brûlée and panna cotta, there was rice pudding. Restaurants have taken to dressing it up a bit, recently. I've seen saffron, cardamom, cinnamon, nutmeg and lavender. But I prefer it naked and unadorned. Which is what I got here. Proving that out-of-date can sometimes be good.

It accompanied a poached pear in aniseed syrup with fennel confit and fennel ice cream – the best dish of the day. The aniseed in the syrup was so delicate that you needed to see it written down before you believed it existed ("oh yes, that's what it was"), and the fennel ice cream deliciously tiptoed between sweet and savoury. Thank goodness that ice cream doesn't make any crumbs, otherwise the maître d' would have been back to give me a good kicking.

The trio of mandarin (soufflé glacé Napoléon, mandarin mousse and a hot mandarin soufflé) won the award for the most acutes ever used in a dessert. It was not only a riot of colour – it was a riot of "good" colour. I say that because Geller, who is co-chairman of Exeter City FC, has been thinking of switching the club's purple away shirt to mandarin because the colour is more assertive. Maybe the maître d' has been spending too long near the dessert trolley.

Michael Caines at The Royal Clarence, Cathedral Yard, Exeter, Devon (01392 310031). For information about staying in Devon call the Devon Holiday Line (0870 6085531) or visit www.devon4allseasons.co.uk