After The Great Pottery Throw Down: 4 more ‘Great Something’ BBC contests we’d like to see

After perusing its list of twee hobbies arranged by opportunities for innuendo, the production company behind The Great British Bake Off landed on pottery earlier this year, and now The Great Pottery Throw Down is set to hit our screens - “cracks” and “rims” abound.

Following on from The Great British Sewing Bee, the BBC has skipped cackling into self-parody with its competitions shows lately, and in fairness, if it’s that or more Strictly/regional crime dramas I’m whole-heartedly behind it.

But what pastime will the nation be weeping over next? Here’s an exclusive glimpse at BBC One’s 2016 slate:

The Great British Creosote Showdown

More bucolic than a field full of lambs or a housing development plonked in a field near a village with good transport links, this will see 14 dads battle it out to adequately treat sections of fence in time for winter.

How will they handle ‘tricky corners’ week? Will they be able to resist getting the badminton set out? Whoever is still around from Ground Force and not doing QVC will host.

The Great British Tea Appreciation Ceremony

An Ipsos MORI poll recently revealed that ‘tea drinker’ is the most common profession in the UK (based on Twitter bios) shortly behind ‘gin guzzler’ and ‘entrepreneur’, so this is a sure-fire ratings hit.

Contestants give the “Builders” a contemporary twist with pistachio dusting and agonise over the correct amount of sugar (spoiler: it’s half a teaspoon, obviously).

The Great British Stand-Off

We’re a nation of terrified pedestrians, but who can hold their fellow citizen in the lowest regard?

Tess Daly tries to coax hopefuls into having conversations with strangers on the street and reducing their personal space radius to below 35m.

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The Great British Commuting Sh*t Show

Contestants from different corners of London attempt to make it to Oxford Circus without seizing from heat, claustrophobia and stress.

Rounds include ‘successfully connecting to the Wi-Fi during stations stops’ and 'predicting who will alight at the next stop and vacate their seat'.