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S ticks and stones may indeed break bones, but the right insult can last a lifetime.
The vocabulary of TV has come a long way from the days of Dad’s Army
Armando Iannucci has built a career on the back of his insults, lacing his prolific TV output – which includes The Thick of It Veep , and Mid-Morning Matters with Alan Partridge – with some of the cruellest and funniest barbs in the whole medium.
But it’s not just acid-penned screenwriters who provide the best insults; some of the wittiest jibes from non-scripted TV also feature in this selection of the 30 greatest TV insults.
Some of these lines are hilarious, some are crass, and some are just plain nasty.
Click through the gallery below to see which insults made the list.
Show all 30 1 /30The 30 best TV insults of all time The 30 best TV insults of all time Absolutely Fabulous Edwina, about Saffy: “She’s so cold, I bet she has her periods in cubes.”
BBC Worldwide 2entertain
The 30 best TV insults of all time Big Brother Nikki Grahame, about Susie Verrico: "Who is she?! Who is she?! Where did you find her?!"
Endemol
The 30 best TV insults of all time Blackadder Edmund Blackadder: "Baldrick, you wouldn’t recognise a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing 'subtle plans are here again'."
BBC
The 30 best TV insults of all time Cheers Lilith : "Your attempt at machismo is totally inadequate. You can't even make eye contact."
Frasier : "I could look at you if I wanted to, but frankly, I've grown tired of counting the comb marks in your hair."
Paramount Domestic Television
The 30 best TV insults of all time Chewing Gum Candice, to Tracey: “You’re not ugly, you’re… niche.”
Channel 4
The 30 best TV insults of all time Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Naomi, to Rebecca: “I hope this isn’t another stunt like your little ‘suicide attempt’ in law school. You didn’t even break your skin and you inconvenienced a lot of people.”
CBS Television Distribution / Warner Bros Television Distribution
The 30 best TV insults of all time Curb Your Enthusiasm Susie Greene, to Larry David: "You four-eyed f***."
HBO
The 30 best TV insults of all time Deadwood EB Farnum to Richardson: “Could you have been born, Richardson? And not egg-hatched as I've always assumed?”
HBO
The 30 best TV insults of all time Derry Girls Sister Michael: “Every year, I sit backstage listening to the singers and it really makes me realise just how talented the professionals who originally recorded these tracks were.”
Hat Trick Productions
The 30 best TV insults of all time EastEnders Peggy: "You bitch!"
Pat: "You cow!"
BBC
The 30 best TV insults of all time The Eric Andre Show Eric Andre: "What’s up with that band Led Zeppelin? They should rename themselves The Four Losers."
Warner Bros Television Distribution
The 30 best TV insults of all time Father Ted Ted, to Dougal: “Dougal, how did you get into the church in the first place? Was it like, 'Collect 12 crisp packets and become a priest?'"
Channel 4
The 30 best TV insults of all time Fawlty Towers Basil, to Sybil: "Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your éclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?"
BBC
The 30 best TV insults of all time The IT Crowd Moss, to Roy: "oh, shut up Dumpo – the elephant who got dumped."
Channel 4
The 30 best TV insults of all time The Larry Sanders Show Artie to Larry: "You're a talk show animal. You're like one of those goddamn creatures out of Greek mythology: half man, half desk."
Sony Pictures Television
The 30 best TV insults of all time Mad Men Lane, to Pete: "You're a grimy little pimp."
AMC
The 30 best TV insults of all time The Mrs Merton Show Mrs Merton, to Debbie McGee: "What first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"
Granada Television
The 30 best TV insults of all time Only Fools and Horses Del Boy: "Dear old grandad, bless him. He was about as useful as a pair of sunglasses on a bloke with one ear."
BBC
The 30 best TV insults of all time Peep Show Jeremy: "He brings the insufferable music and then leaves. He’s like the 1980s."
Channel 4
The 30 best TV insults of all time The Real Housewives of Melbourne Gina Liano: "You insignificant a** hair."
Matchbox Entertainment
The 30 best TV insults of all time RuPaul's Drag Race Bianca del Rio: “Trinity reminds me of a dear friend of mine from New Orleans… she’s dead.”
Passion Distribution
The 30 best TV insults of all time Schitt's Creek Moira, to Alexis: “I need to ask you a serious question: has it gotten worse or are you just not wearing any makeup?”
ITV Studios Global Entertainment
The 30 best TV insults of all time Seinfeld George, describing Elaine: “A pretty woman, you know… kinda short, big wall of hair, face like a frying pan”
Columbia Pictures Television1
The 30 best TV insults of all time Sex Education Eric: “Wash your hands, you detty pig!”
Netflix
The 30 best TV insults of all time Succession Logan to Kendall: “I blame myself. I spoilt you and now you’re f***ed. I’m sorry, you’re a hothouse flower and you’re nothing. You’re curdled cream.”
HBO
The 30 best TV insults of all time The Thick of It Malcolm, to Nicola: “You have all the charm of a rotting teddy bear by a graveside.”
BBC
The 30 best TV insults of all time 30 Rock Jack: “Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?”
NBC Universal Inc.
The 30 best TV insults of all time This Country Kurtan, to Kerry: “You’re like Tony from Hollyoaks. Everyone else has moved on, but you’re staying where you are, year in, year out, doing the same old s***.”
BBC
The 30 best TV insults of all time Veep Ed to Sue: "Hey, Sue, don't talk to me that way. You're the secretary to the vice president. That's like being Garfunkel's roadie."
HBO
The 30 best TV insults of all time The Weakest Link Anne Robinson to a contestant: "Are you more interesting than you look?"
Endemol
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