Letter from the editor: The inspiration I'm missing

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The Independent Online

So this is how my day goes. I ask my colleagues what they think I should write about today, hoping that they’ll supply the inspiration I’m missing.

They scratch their chins for a few minutes, and then make a couple of suggestions. “Why don’t you write about the season, you know, Ascot, Wimbledon, that sort of thing?” was Stefano’s helpful idea. “Yes, and you could talk about how Ascot is much more inclusive these days,” said Louis, who was anxious to get back to his screen to watch the racing.

“Inclusive?” I replied. “But surely Ascot is just the British class system writ large, with the nobs in their finery in one enclosure, and the riff raff in another.” “Exactly,” said Louis, no stranger to top hat and tails, I would warrant. “But these days, it’s also the stag and hen parties.” I’m not sure whether that’s a sign of inclusiveness or not, but it was definitely news to me. “You could talk about stag and hen parties,” added Stefano.

There then followed a long and lively discussion about Mike Tindall (Zara Phillips’s husband-to-be) and his bar bill from his stag night in Miami. The most staggering (if you’ll forgive the pun) thing about the itemised bill was the purchase of 45 bottles of Fiji water at $7 a pop. Surely, it was the only stag night where the guests spent more than £200 on water! You can hear the conversation: “Sorry I was late home, darling. You know what my mates are like when that Fiji water starts flowing!” Anyway, I said to Stefano and Louis, all this doesn’t help me. “My column has to have a point to it.” And you know what happened then? They burst out laughing. Thanks, boys, for all your help and support. I don’t know where I’d be without you!