Time Bandit: the combination technique

Dom Joly’s time-saving tips will change your life...

A lot of you who read my piece last week were curious to know more about the secret organisation dedicated to my delay (SODTMD). I have to admit to not knowing all that much about them. I do know they have an underground headquarters somewhere in central London that is a bit like a “situation room”. From there they monitor my activities and hatch plans to delay them in any way they can. I’m only able to stay one step ahead of them with my time saving tricks.

I tend to use the “combination technique” quite often, packing two lengthy events into one. If you’re going to the gym, then arrange to meet someone there and do your business while working out together. If you’re walking around town, then take a “walker”meeting on the hoof, on the way between one and the next.

When driving into town, you’ll waste a lot of time finding a parking spot. My secret is to follow a clamping van. If you stay right on their tail they will hone in on people who need to move their cars very quickly or else have them taken off and dumped in Belgium. You can always find someone vacating a spot within five minutes with this method.

If you are travelling in a lift up a tall building, SODTMD will always send people to press every button so it stops at every floor before yours. The simple solution is to carry a small panel with the words “Out of Order” printed on it. Quickly stick this over the actual buttons until you are alone in the lift.

SODTMD are efficient, but with a little thought they can be defeated.