Rebecca Gonsalves: Hang on, did Scary get dressed from Posh's walk-in wardrobe this morning? Or has she been following her to the charity shop to bag cast-offs for a bargain?
Mike Higgins: Where is the leopard-print? She's quite literally buttoned herself up. If she's this toned down on 'The X Factor', she'll be almost as washed out as Louis.
Rebecca: It appears that Mel B took the advice to 'go big or go home' a little too literally when out shopping for shades.
Mike: Though they will come in useful if she's to protect her eyes from the dazzle that is Simon Cowell's supercilious smile.
Rebecca: That's a big ol' Birkin; wonder if it's where she keeps her pact with the devil… sorry, 'X Factor' contract.
Mike: Lemon Hermès bag, black Louboutins (yes, I know my stuff! And I can Google). Mel has transformed into Melanie. Wonder if it'd work for Sporty?
Rebecca: A leather pencil skirt is very sexy secretary, but in the heat of New York's summer, perhaps that should be sweaty secretary, or perspiring PA.
Mike: The leather is at least a nod to her former self. Grrr. In a refined, Fifth Avenue sort of a way.