Celebrity Square Meals: Crab and asparagus linguine by the comedian Jeff Green

Serves 4

This is a signature dish for me. It's a cannibalisation of other people's dinners - ideas I've seen in books and meals others have cooked.

It's incredibly cheap, but it gives the right impression. I've only ever served it to my girlfriend, but if you were on a date I reckon it should nudge things in the right direction.

The recipe is dead easy too, but there's one thing to note: you can get dried linguine that takes five minutes to cook, or dried linguine that takes 11 minutes. Get the latter - the quick stuff tends to get too mushy.

Ingredients

One small can of John West crab meat
500g dried linguine
3tbsp olive oil
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
1 chilli, deseeded and finely chopped
3tbsp white wine
Salt and pepper
10 cherry tomatoes
A handful of baby asparagus
Parmesan, to serve

Method

Bring a pan of water to the boil and add the linguine. Heat a frying pan and add the oil, then the tomatoes, garlic and chilli. Heat for two minutes.

Put the asparagus into a bamboo steamer and place it on top of the linguine pan - it needs about eight minutes to cook.

Flake the crab meat. Drain the linguine and put it in the pan with the oil and garlic and so on. Add the crab meat, toss it and serve with the asparagus on top. Then I do something people say you should never do with fish: serve Parmesan, on the side.

'The Green Guide to Relationships' is on Radio 2, Thursdays at 10pm and is repeated on Saturdays at 1.30pm (though not today)