Matthew Bell's bumper quiz on love (Answers at bottom of page)

Food of love...

1. What arouses men more than any other scent in the world (according to the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago)?

A. Lavender

B. Lilies

C. Woodsmoke

D. Beer

2. What green vegetable is said to contain androsterone, the hormone produced in men that stimulates sexual arousal in women?

A. Green pepper

B. Asparagus

C. Celery

D. Artichoke

3. Spanish fly, a ground-up beetle, has long been thought to swell passions. What, in fact, does it actually swell?

A. Your fingers

B. Blood vessels

C. The urethra

D. The sphincter

4. Oysters have long been considered an aphrodisiac. Why?

A. They are high in zinc, which is necessary for sperm production

B. Shakespeare made a metaphor about them in The Merry Wives of Windsor

C. They are said to look like the vagina

D. All of the above

5. Which of the following is not considered an aphrodisiac?

A. Asparagus

B. Honey

C. Nettles

D. Truffles

6. Ground rhino horn is reputed to boost erections. Who admitted in The Sunday Times to using this illegal substance?

A. Jeremy Clarkson

B. A A Gill

C. Elle Macpherson

D. Michael Winner

Sweet nothings...

Who said that:

1. "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."

A. Brigitte Bardot

B. Zsa Zsa Gabor

C. Irina Dunn

D. Germaine Greer

2. "When you marry your mistress, you create a vacancy."

A. Oscar Wilde

B. George Bernard Shaw

C. G K Chesterton

D. Sir James Goldsmith

3. "Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses."

A. Jan Moir

B. Hugh Hefner

C. Edward Lear

D. Dorothy Parker

4. "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

A. Lord Byron

B. Alfred, Lord Tennyson

C. Bosie, Lord Alfred Douglas

D. The Marquess of Bath

5. "Sexual intercourse began in 1963."

A. Mary Whitehouse

B. Mary Warnock

C. Dylan Thomas

D. Philip Larkin

6. On their deathbed: "I wish I had had more sex."

A. Barbara Cartland

B. E M Forster

C. Andrea Dworkin

D. John Betjeman

Songs and lovers...

1. The 1983 hit "Every Breath You Take", by The Police, is about:

A. Bigamy

B. Trudie Styler

C. A stalker

D. Tantric sex

2. The most popular "first dance" at weddings in 2010 was:

A. "The Only Way Is Up" by Yazz

B. "Moondance" by Van Morrison

C. "Everything" by Michael Bublé

D. "It's Raining Men" by The Weather Girls

3. "The Power of Love" was a top 20 hit for which of the following?

A. Jennifer Rush

B. Meat Loaf

C. T-Rex

D. Jon Bon Jovi

4. The Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan classic "Especially for You" was also recorded by Kylie with which other male sex symbol?

A. Nick Cave

B. Michael Hutchence

C. David Hasselhoff

D. Kermit the Frog

5. Carly Simon's 1972 hit "You're So Vain" was reportedly about:

A. Warren Beatty

B. Mick Jagger

C. Nick Nolte

D. All of the above

6. Which of these love songs was chosen by Boris Johnson on Desert Island Discs?

A. "Brown-Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison

B. "Song for Whoever" by the Beautiful South

C. "Call Me" by Blondie

D. Donner's Song from Wagner's Das Rheingold

Rhymes of passion...

1. Which of the following poems, often included in anthologies of "romantic verse", is in fact a threat that failure to sleep with the poet will only result in being eaten by worms?

A. Shakespeare's Sonnet 69

B. Marvell's "To His Coy Mistress"

C. "Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet ..."

D. Byron's "Don Juan"

2. Which of the following is not the subject of a poem in Carol Ann Duffy's 1999 collection, The World's Wife?

A. Mrs Aesop

B. Queen Herod

C. Frau Freud

D. Posh Spice

3. Andrew Motion's poem "In the Attic" is about:

A. His wife

B. His mother

C. His pupil

D. His dog

4. The garment that the "woman much missed" is wearing in Thomas Hardy's poem "The Voice" is:

A. A snow-white shroud

B. An air-blue gown

C. A crimson armband

D. A yellow scarf

5. Which of the following pieces of advice are suggested in Wendy Cope's "Two Cures for Love"?

A. Don't see him. Don't phone or write a letter

B. Join the Guardian's Soulmates dating service

C. Star in a reality television show on ITV2

D. Get a new husband who likes self-publicity too

6. Who is the first poet known to have written "Roses are red, violets are blue"?

A. William Shakespeare

B. Edmund Spenser

C. Gerard Manley Hopkins

D. W H Auden

Say it with...

1. Which one of these hasn't been advertised as a novelty Valentine's gift this year?

A. Heart-shaped hole punch

B. Heart-shaped cucumber

C. Heart-shaped Le Creuset dish

D. Heart-shaped loo paper

2. The Victorians read symbolic messages into their Valentine's presents. Match the meaning to the gift:

A. Pink camellia

B. Ivy

C. Hollyhock

D. Chicory

1. Fruitfulness

2. Longing

3. Fidelity

4. Frugality

3. Extreme marriage proposals have become a YouTube craze. Which one of these has not yet been done?

A. On a bungee jump

B. After being arrested by police who were in on the act

C. In a rabbit costume

D. On Countdown

4. Blind Date once attracted audiences of 18 million, but finished in 2003. Which one of these celebrities appeared on the show before they were famous?

A. Jude Law

B. Amanda Holden

C. Amanda Lamb

D. George Lamb

5. Steve Wright's Radio 2 show, Sunday Love Songs, lays claims to be what:

A. UK's most annoying radio show

B. The world's most annoying show on any medium

C. The country's longest-running radio show

D. The country's most listened-to radio show

6. Which one of these can you not hire as a wedding venue?

A. The Empire State building

B. Juliet's balcony in Verona

C. Windsor Castle

D. Edinburgh Castle

True romance...

1. In The Archers, Brian Aldridge is married to Jennifer Archer. But in real life, which character is the actor married to?

A. Clarrie Grundy

B. Lynda Snell

C. Shula Archer

D. Debbie Aldridge

2. Which Fawlty Towers character was John Cleese romantically involved with off-screen?

A. Sybil Fawlty

B. Dragonfly

C. Manuel

D. Polly

3. Which Friends character was first to get married in real life?

A. Joey

B. Monica

C. Phoebe

D. Rachel

4. Emma Thompson went out with Hugh Laurie, was married to Kenneth Branagh, and is currently married to Greg Wise. On the set of what film did they meet?

A. Pride and Prejudice

B. Sense and Sensibility

C. Love Actually

D. The Remains of the Day

5. During the making of which film did Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn begin their affair?

A. Keeper of the Flame

B. Woman of the Year

C. Adam's Rib

D. Pat and Mike

6. Clive Owen met his actress wife when they were playing the leads in which play?

A. Waiting for Godot

B. Othello

C. Romeo and Juliet

D. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

The reel thing.....

1. In Casablanca, the passion between Bogart's and Bergman's characters was so convincing that some thought sparks also flew off screen. What was the truth?

A. They couldn't stand each other, and were famous for their rows

B. They had had a fling in Paris many years before, but not during filming

C. Bogart was married to his third wife, and Bergman was happily married to a dentist

D. Letters discovered later revealed they'd had a secret tryst in Marrakech

2. "Valentine's Day is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap," is a line spoken by Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. But from which poem is the film's title taken?

A. "Eloisa to Abelard" by Alexander Pope

B. "Farewell to Love" by John Donne

C. "Fontinella to Florinda" by Jonathan Swift

D. "Ode to a Nightingale" by John Keats

3. Diane Keaton and Woody Allen's romance is immortalised in Annie Hall. However, what was the real state of their relationship?

A. They had finished going out with each other at the time the film was made

B. They didn't go out with each other until years later

C. They never actually went to bed together

D. They still occasionally share a bed, though it's "just as friends, not for sex"

4. Who turned down a lead role in Brokeback Mountain because he was "a little creeped out" by the homosexual theme?

A. Russell Crowe

B. Mark Wahlberg

C. Joaquim Phoenix

D. Dominic West

5. A line in the infamous "faked orgasm" scene in When Harry Met Sally is consistently voted one of the best of all time. Which is it?

A. "Calm down, dear"

B. "Play it again"

C. "I want to be alone"

D. "I'll have what she's having"

6. Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton played the rowing couple in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?. But how many more films did they co-star in after that?

A. None

B. One

C. Three

D. Seven

Celebrity carousel...

1. Russell Brand and Katy Perry are said to be having counselling only two months into their marriage. But what saucy message did she tweet him to dispel the rumour?

A. "What are you wearing?"

B. "I kissed a girl and I liked it"

C. "You melt my popsicle"

D. "It's your favourite day, Hump day"

2. On Thursday, Kelsey Grammer was granted a divorce from Camille, his wife of 14 years. What does he plan to do next?

A. Start filming on a new series of Frasier

B. Never marry again, having made a pledge of chastity

C. Get married again, making it wife number four

D. Remarry Camille – he's regretting the split already

3. What did Prince Harry and Chelsy reportedly do last week?

A. Split up

B. Got back together

C. Were bundled into the boot of a Jaguar after a night's clubbing and eaten at an Italian

D. Ate foie gras with Camilla at the Berkeley Hotel

4. Cricketer Shane Warne revealed he was dating Liz Hurley last week by doing what?

A. Leaving a voicemail on her phone which the News of the World then hacked

B. Updating his Facebook status to "It's complicated"

C. Asking his Twitter followers where to take her for lunch

D. Telling an undercover Daily Telegraph reporter

5. On, off, on, off – their love is like a lighthouse. Last week we learned Jude Law and Sienna Miller are off again. Why is this?

A. She was getting too close to her co-star Joe Armstrong in Terrance Rattigan's Flare Path

B. He was getting too close to his ex, Sadie Frost

C. Her dogs are a nightmare

D. All of the above

6. Victoria Beckham was seen carrying a gold-plated iPhone last week. What was the screensaver that got tongues wagging?

A. A photo of Javier Bardem

B. A picture of a topless David Beckham

C. An ultrasound picture of her unborn child

D. A raunchy picture of David and Victoria


Food of love: 1. A. 2. C. 3. C. 4. A. 5. C. 6. C.

Sweet nothings: 1. C. 2. D. 3. D. 4. B. 5. D. 6. D.

Songs and lovers: 1. C. 2. C. 3. A. 4. D. 5. D. 6. A.

Rhymes of passion: 1. B. 2. D. 3. B. 4. B. 5. A. 6. B.

Say it with: 1. D. 2. a2 b3 c1 d4 3. D. 4. B. 5. D. 6. C.

True romance: 1. C. 2. D. 3. C. 4. B. 5. B. 6. C.

The reel thing: 1. C. 2. B. 3. A. 4. A. 5. D. 6. D.

Celebrity carousel: 1. D. 2. C. 3. C. 4. C. 5. D. 6. B.