Donald MacInnes: It's bad enough being skint, but when a kid gets £20m....

In The Red

If there's one thing guaranteed to bring out our inner green monster, it's hearing the news that someone has come into a large amount of money. Suitcase money, I call it: money that, by rights, should never be carried around in anything smaller than a valise.

Of course, most people who find their carry-on luggage getting markedly heavier overnight will be lottery winners (and a goodly pox on them, obviously). But if there is a demographic that – if anything – conjures up even greater mean-spirited feelings of I-wish-that-was-me covetousness, it is when young people – and specifically teenagers – make a fortune at an age when the rest of us were either indulging in panting, urgent shenanigans in the darkness of the school disco or were stuck in our bedrooms, listening to mournful, angsty tunes from songwriters doing their best to make us feel better (worse) about our lack of panting shenanigans, whether urgent or not.

Monday's revelation that 17-year-old Wimbledon kid Nick D'Aloisio had sold his mobile phone app, called Summly, to Yahoo for £20m or so – while also securing high-paying jobs with the internet behemoth for himself and his associates (for this, read: his mates in the computer club) – made me nauseous beyond belief. It wasn't so much that this youth had, at a stroke, excelled my professional achievements a hundredfold (as I often say, there will always be someone earning more than you, so no sense being dissatisfied). It's that this adolescent captain of industry, when asked by a reporter what he was going to be spending his windfall on, replied that he was going to get some trainers and a new computer.

In the realm of irritants, this shot straight into the Top Five, no problem. New trainers and a bloody computer? Really. Look, even if your imagination is as limited as this threadbare little shopping list would suggest, couldn't you just pretend that you're going to buy a gleaming white boat (named "Dirty Girl") and spend your twenties fishing for marlin and swordfish off the coast of Florida, while your butler (who's called Betsy and wears a coconut shell bikini top and grass skirt) serves you regular pina coladas and cheese on toast? Not a lot to ask, is it?

But I shouldn't be jealous. I don't really have a great desire to be a computer whiz-kid, taking my place as a cog in Yahoo's endlessly spinning mechanism of digital fabulousness. Maybe I'm just jealous of people like Nick D'Aloisio, whose surname starts with a D'. Like D'Artagnan from The Three Musketeers. Maybe it would help if I started using the name Donald D'MacInnes. Or maybe I should have just tried harder at school. Either way, good luck, Nick. I bear you no ill will.

Yeah, right.

Independent Partners; request a free guide on NISAs from Hargreaves Lansdown

News
people

Actress sees off speculation about her appearance in an amazing way

Arts and Entertainment
Serge Pizzorno of Kasabian and Noel Fielding backstage at the Teenage Cancer Trust concerts
musicKasabian and Noel Fielding attack 'boring' musicians
News
videoWatch Lynda Bellingham's tragic final Loose Women appearance
Sport
A view of today's Spanish papers
football
PROMOTED VIDEO
Arts and Entertainment
The last great picture - Winner 'Black and White' and overall 'Wildlife Photographer of the Year'
art
News
people

News
i100
Arts and Entertainment
High notes, flat performance: Jake Bugg
music

Review: Despite an uphill climb to see Jake Bugg in action, his performance is notably flat

News
The Putin automaton will go on sale next month in Germany
videoMusical Putin toy showing him annexing Crimea could sell for millions
News
news

Powerful images of strays taken moments before being put down

News
i100
Arts and Entertainment
S Club 7 pose for Children in Need 2001
music
Arts and Entertainment
'Right Here' singer Jess Glynne is nominated for Best Newcomer at the MOBO Awards 2014
musicExclusive: Jess Glynne hits out at 'ridiculous' criticism of white artists nominated for Mobo Awards
Voices
'Irritatingly Disneyfied': fashion vlogger Zoella
voices

Arts and Entertainment
Russell Brand has written a book of political analysis called Revolution
books

Review: Witty banalities aside, the comedian has an authentic voice

Arts and Entertainment
Separated at birth? Frank Sivero (left) claims The Simpsons based Mafia character Louie on his Goodfellas character
arts + entsFrank Sivero sues Simpsons studio over allegedly basing mobster character on Frank Carbone
News
Carl Bernstein (left) and Bob Woodward (right) with former 'Washington Post' executive editor Ben Bradlee
people

The Washington Post editor helped Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein bring down President Nixon

Finacial products from our partners
Property search
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs Money & Business

    Trainee Recruitment Consultant - Birmingham - Real Staffing

    £18000 - £23000 per annum + Commission: SThree: The SThree group is a world le...

    Trainee Recruitment Consultant Birmingham

    £18000 - £23000 per annum + Comission: SThree: The SThree group is a world lea...

    Trainee Recruitment Consultants

    £20000 - £25000 per annum + OTE £Competitive: SThree: SThree Group and have be...

    Helpdesk Analyst

    £23000 per annum + pension and 22 days holiday: Ashdown Group: An established ...

    Day In a Page

    Indiana serial killer? Man arrested for murdering teenage prostitute confesses to six other murders - and police fear there could be many more

    A new American serial killer?

    Police fear man arrested for murder of teen prostitute could be responsible for killing spree dating back 20 years
    Sweetie, the fake 10-year-old girl designed to catch online predators, claims her first scalp

    Sting to trap paedophiles may not carry weight in UK courts

    Computer image of ‘Sweetie’ represented entrapment, experts say
    Fukushima nuclear crisis: Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on - and may never return home

    Return to Fukushima – a land they will never call home again

    Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on from nuclear disaster
    Wildlife Photographer of the Year: Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize

    Wildlife Photographer of the Year

    Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize
    Online petitions: Sign here to change the world

    Want to change the world? Just sign here

    The proliferation of online petitions allows us to register our protests at the touch of a button. But do they change anything?
    Ed Sheeran hits back after being labelled too boring to headline festivals

    'You need me, I don’t need you'

    Ed Sheeran hits back after being labelled too boring to headline festivals
    How to Get Away with Murder: Shonda Rhimes reinvents the legal drama

    How to Get Away with Murder

    Shonda Rhimes reinvents the legal drama
    A cup of tea is every worker's right

    Hard to swallow

    Three hospitals in Leicester have banned their staff from drinking tea and coffee in public areas. Christopher Hirst explains why he thinks that a cuppa is every worker's right
    Which animals are nearly extinct?

    Which animals are nearly extinct?

    Conservationists in Kenya are in mourning after the death of a white northern rhino, which has left the species with a single male. These are the other species on the brink
    12 best children's shoes

    Perfect for leaf-kicking: 12 best children's shoes

    Find footwear perfect to keep kids' feet protected this autumn
    Anderlecht vs Arsenal: Gunners' ray of light Aaron Ramsey shines again

    Arsenal’s ray of light ready to shine again

    Aaron Ramsey’s injury record has prompted a club investigation. For now, the midfielder is just happy to be fit to face Anderlecht in the Champions League
    Comment: David Moyes' show of sensitivity thrown back in his face by former Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson

    Moyes’ show of sensitivity thrown back in his face... by Ferguson

    Manchester United legend tramples on successor who resisted criticising his inheritance
    Two super-sized ships have cruised into British waters, but how big can these behemoths get?

    Super-sized ships: How big can they get?

    Two of the largest vessels in the world cruised into UK waters last week
    British doctors on brink of 'cure' for paralysis with spinal cord treatment

    British doctors on brink of cure for paralysis

    Sufferers can now be offered the possibility of cure thanks to a revolutionary implant of regenerative cells
    Ranked seventh in world’s best tourist cities - not London, or Edinburgh, but Salisbury

    Lonely Planet’s Best in Travel 2015

    UK city beats Vienna, Paris and New York to be ranked seventh in world’s best tourist destinations - but it's not London