Donald MacInnes: My wedding is costing an arm and a leg – and several other bits

In The Red

I am getting married in September, which is worth celebrating for two reasons: one, I get to swan around all day in a magnificent, swooshing kilt, with a big furry sporran and a bejewelled dagger hidden down my sock, and two... actually that first reason counts double.

If you are a married person, this will hardly come as much of a surprise to you, but it is quite remarkably expensive to get yourself legally conjoined. To bear this out, allow me to take refuge in the lee of a new report that has just been published, which claims that the average wedding now costs about as much as a loft extension. Filled with scrunched up tenners.

Forgive me. What the report actually said was that, in 2012, weddings cost about as much as an average-sized caravan. This is not good news, principally for the reason that you rarely find a caravan that costs £300, unless it's as old as Wales and on the small side. And by "on the small side", I of course mean the size of a packet of fish fingers.

Suffice to say, it definitely isn't cheap to get married. And I say that as someone who is both cheap and about to get married.

Our event is being funded mostly by my fiancee's splendid parents. I shan't name them, as when you're in their line of work, secrecy is key. Not that they're secret agents. Or locksmiths. Either way, my lips are sealed.

So back to weddings. If you are a chap, there is a fair chance that your involvement with the planning of the big day amounts to little more than standing up straight. And nodding. And maybe choosing your Best Man (whose involvement really only extends to ensuring you wake up the morning after your Stag Night in the boot of a taxi whizzing through Mexico City). I decided not to take the "standing and nodding" approach, so my Significant Other and I are currently sharing the burden of trying to organise our wedding.

Although, in the interests of fairness, she is doing a mountain of work, compared to my silly wee molehill. Aside from the struggle of persuading an army of vicars and priests that we are good and never drink and don't shake our bottoms to such bands as AC/DC (left) and The Red Hot Chili Peppers, we're also trying to find a venue for our do that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. And five hands, three feet and a bucket of noses. We haven't managed to find one yet, but I shall keep you posted on developments.

In the meantime, any advice you have on bringing the whole thing in under 50 grand would be appreciated.

Independent Partners; Do you need financial advice on your investments, pension or insurance? Book a free consultation with an independent Financial Adviser at

Finacial products from our partners
Property search
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs Money & Business

    Recruitment Genius: Digital Optimisation Executive - Marketing

    £30000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: The UK's fastest growing, multi...

    Recruitment Genius: Financial Reporting Manager

    £70000 - £90000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Financial Reporting Manager i...

    Recruitment Genius: Payments Operations Assistant

    £23000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: They win lots of awards for the...

    Recruitment Genius: Telephone Debt Negotiator

    £13500 - £20000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This nationwide enforcement com...

    Day In a Page

    Sepp Blatter resignation: The beginning of Fifa's long road to reform?

    Does Blatter's departure mean Fifa will automatically clean up its act?

    Don't bet on it, says Tom Peck
    Charles Kennedy: The baby of the House who grew into a Lib Dem giant

    The baby of the House who grew into a Lib Dem giant

    Charles Kennedy was consistently a man of the centre-left, dedicated to social justice, but was also a champion of liberty and an opponent of the nanny-state, says Baroness Williams
    Syria civil war: The harrowing testament of a five-year-old victim of this endless conflict

    The harrowing testament of a five-year-old victim of Syria's endless civil war

    Sahar Qanbar lost her mother and brother as civilians and government soldiers fought side by side after being surrounded by brutal Islamist fighters. Robert Fisk visited her
    The future of songwriting: How streaming is changing everything we know about making music

    The future of songwriting

    How streaming is changing everything we know about making music
    William Shemin and Henry Johnson: Jewish and black soldiers receive World War I Medal of Honor amid claims of discrimination

    Recognition at long last

    Jewish and black soldiers who fought in WWI finally receive medals after claims of discrimination
    Beating obesity: The new pacemaker which helps over-eaters

    Beating obesity

    The new pacemaker which helps over-eaters
    9 best women's festival waterproofs

    Ready for rain: 9 best women's festival waterproofs

    These are the macs to keep your denim dry and your hair frizz-free(ish)
    Cycling World Hour Record: Nervous Sir Bradley Wiggins ready for pain as he prepares to go distance

    Wiggins worried

    Nervous Sir Bradley ready for pain as he prepares to attempt cycling's World Hour Record
    Liverpool close in on Milner signing

    Liverpool close in on Milner signing

    Reds baulk at Christian Benteke £32.5m release clause
    On your feet! Spending at least two hours a day standing reduces the risk of heart attacks, cancer and diabetes, according to new research

    On your feet!

    Spending half the day standing 'reduces risk of heart attacks and cancer'
    With scores of surgeries closing, what hope is there for the David Cameron's promise of 5,000 more GPs and a 24/7 NHS?

    The big NHS question

    Why are there so few new GPs when so many want to study medicine?
    Big knickers are back: Thongs ain't what they used to be

    Thongs ain't what they used to be

    Big knickers are back
    Thurston Moore interview

    Thurston Moore interview

    On living in London, Sonic Youth and musical memoirs
    In full bloom

    In full bloom

    Floral print womenswear
    From leading man to Elephant Man, Bradley Cooper is terrific

    From leading man to Elephant Man

    Bradley Cooper is terrific