Donald MacInnes: My wedding is costing an arm and a leg – and several other bits
In The Red
Donald MacInnes writes Tales from the Water Cooler, which can be found every Saturday on page 2 of i. And, although a financial near-imbecile, he writes a weekly column in The Independent’s Money section, also on Saturdays. He writes regularly on a broad range of subjects in i’s Freeview section and occasionally fills in on Simon Kelner’s daily column when emotionally up to it. @DonaldAMacInnes
Saturday 04 February 2012
I am getting married in September, which is worth celebrating for two reasons: one, I get to swan around all day in a magnificent, swooshing kilt, with a big furry sporran and a bejewelled dagger hidden down my sock, and two... actually that first reason counts double.
If you are a married person, this will hardly come as much of a surprise to you, but it is quite remarkably expensive to get yourself legally conjoined. To bear this out, allow me to take refuge in the lee of a new report that has just been published, which claims that the average wedding now costs about as much as a loft extension. Filled with scrunched up tenners.
Forgive me. What the report actually said was that, in 2012, weddings cost about as much as an average-sized caravan. This is not good news, principally for the reason that you rarely find a caravan that costs £300, unless it's as old as Wales and on the small side. And by "on the small side", I of course mean the size of a packet of fish fingers.
Suffice to say, it definitely isn't cheap to get married. And I say that as someone who is both cheap and about to get married.
Our event is being funded mostly by my fiancee's splendid parents. I shan't name them, as when you're in their line of work, secrecy is key. Not that they're secret agents. Or locksmiths. Either way, my lips are sealed.
So back to weddings. If you are a chap, there is a fair chance that your involvement with the planning of the big day amounts to little more than standing up straight. And nodding. And maybe choosing your Best Man (whose involvement really only extends to ensuring you wake up the morning after your Stag Night in the boot of a taxi whizzing through Mexico City). I decided not to take the "standing and nodding" approach, so my Significant Other and I are currently sharing the burden of trying to organise our wedding.
Although, in the interests of fairness, she is doing a mountain of work, compared to my silly wee molehill. Aside from the struggle of persuading an army of vicars and priests that we are good and never drink and don't shake our bottoms to such bands as AC/DC (left) and The Red Hot Chili Peppers, we're also trying to find a venue for our do that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. And five hands, three feet and a bucket of noses. We haven't managed to find one yet, but I shall keep you posted on developments.
In the meantime, any advice you have on bringing the whole thing in under 50 grand would be appreciated.
Questions of Cash: Bupa costs bore no relation to what I'd been quoted
Five Questions On: Pensions advice
Problem gambling: Amid heavy advertising and a surge in remote sports betting, more and more 16 to 24-year-olds are now seen as 'at risk'
Simon Read: Retirement advice is good - if it's impartial
The HiFX guide to managing corporate foreign exchange and international payments
- 1 Is Gideon Levy the most hated man in Israel or just the most heroic?
- 2 Students offered grants if they tweet pro-Israeli propaganda
- 3 Exclusive: Cameron’s Big Society in tatters as charity watchdog launches investigation into claims of Government funding misuse
- 4 Satellite full of sexually experimental geckos adrift in space, Russia loses control of mission
The 'scroungers’ fight back: The welfare claimants battling to alter stereotypes
Arizona execution lasts two hours as killer Joseph Wood left 'snorting and gasping' for air
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash: Ukrainian military jet was flying close to passenger plane before it was shot down, says Russian officer
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash: Massive rise in sale of British arms to Russia
Malaysia Airlines MH17 crash: victims’ bodies bundled in black bags and loaded onto trains
John Barrowman praised for Commonwealth Games opening ceremony gay kiss
iJobs Money & Business
£600 - £650 per day: Orgtel: Conduct Risk Liaison Manager - Banking - London -...
£18000 - £23000 per annum + Comission: SThree: SThree, International Recruitme...
£280 - £300 per day + competitive: Orgtel: Test Analyst, Edinburgh, Credit Ris...
£20000 - £25000 per annum + OTE £40,000: SThree: SThree Group have been well e...
Day In a Page
A three-bedroom 16th-century home with an aga kitchen, private gardens and heated outdoor pool, in Hadleigh
A three-bedrom home in sought-after Queen's Gate Mews, with Italian marble-finished bathrooms
Surrounded by glorious countryside in the village of Udimore, sits this impressive four-kiln oast and barn conversion
A five-bedroom house in the picturesque village of Kettlewell, north Yorkshire
An 18th-century former coaching inn with original staircase, open fireplaces and beams throughout
A Grade II-listed Georgian town house with three bedrooms and a south-facing courtyard, near Arundel Castle
Feel on top of the world at this über chic penthouse on the 37th floor of one of Europe’s tallest blocks.
A Grade II-listed Victorian villa with six bedrooms and two further cottages, all with spectacular sea views
A grade II-listed, Georgian cottage with mature 50ft garden, perfect for summer entertaining
A magnificent Georgian pile with turrets, seven bedrooms, a heated pool and four acres of gardens
Fairoak Farm has five bedroom suites, gym, outdoor swimming pool and golf course
Chic two-bedroom river-fronted flat with a private lift that delivers you directly to your home
A spectacular seven-bedroom Tudor pile, once owned by Henry VIII, with 18 acres of land
A seven-bedroom Georgian property previously used as a picturesque wedding venue
A split-level flat in a church conversion with two en suite bedrooms and 1,200sq ft of living space
A three-bedroom bungalow situated behind an impressive stone wall, £645,000
Windsor Castle overlooks this three-bedroom Victorian cottage located on one of Windsor's smartest roads
Chapel House is a former vicarage with nine bedrooms in the beautiful Upper Wye Valley
A five-bedroom B&B and separate owner's accomodation with potential for conversion
Enjoy summer by the Thames in this two double-bedroom converted warehouse in Rotherhithe village
A one-bedroom, luxury apartment with private gym and concierge service in Moorgate
A four-bedroom house in Hermitage Gardens with three reception rooms and landscaped gardens
A seven-bedroom Grade II-listed property with a separate self-contained apartment
A five-bedroom Victorian house with three reception rooms and galleried landing, £695,000
A six-bedroom farmhouse with five acres of land in a former cloth-making village
A secluded seven-bedroom detached house with large private garden, £490,000
A three-bedroom cottage overlooking Sarratt village green with open fires and solid oak floors
A three-bedroom maisonette flat in a Grade I-listed, Georgian townhouse in a sought-after location
A one-bedroom apartment located within a private gated development, north of Turnham Green
Look forward to a brighter future at two-bedroom Sunny Cottages, ideal for Londoners looking to downsize
A three-bedroom red-brick cottage with outbuildings and pretty gardens, £200,000
This three-bedroom flat within a former textile factory spans the corner of the fourth floor and has a balcony
A charming four-bedroom Oxfordshire cottage with oak floors and chunky-beamed ceilings, £465,000
A beautiful one-bed flat in a sought-after portered block, with access to Norland Square communal gardens
A one-bedroom flat within a Sixties school conversion with high-spec design and open-plan kitchen, close to Lambeth North Tube, £435,000
A 17th century four-bedroom house, with open fireplaces, cellar and pool, £600,000
A three-bedroom, coach house with luxury open-plan living space and contemporary breakfast bar