The top ten: Useless advertising slogans


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The Independent Online

My aversion to buying branded drugs began in childhood with my delight at the grammatical ambiguity of 'Nothing Acts Faster than Anadin'. Designed to gloss over the awkward evidence that all analgesics are equally fast-acting, it ended up asserting that you would get better more quickly if you took no pills at all.

1. 'Every roll… inspired by you' Sellotape, 2010. Nominated by Ian Rapley.

2. 'We can be bothered' Simplyhealth, 2009. Suggested by Ben Rymer.

3. 'Bang! And the dirt is gone' Cillit Bang, 2004. Submitted by Politics and Tea.

4. 'What will you swipe?' Somerfield, 2005. Sounded like an invitation to shoplifters. From David Crosbie.

5. 'Nothing sucks like an Electrolux' UK, 1960s. "Though apparently they knew exactly what they were doing," says Stephen Fahey.

6. 'Try our faith cures, you won't get better' Ian Rapley swears that he saw this on a church in north London.

7. 'The manly chocolate milk for men with added man' Wing-Co milkshakes, 2013. Euan McColm.

8. 'You're never alone with a Strand' 1959. From Alastair Stewart and Pablo Byrne. Shifty loser looks lost before lighting cigarette.

9. 'That'll be the Daewoo' 1995. As Mike Higgins says, "Even the guy saying it in the TV ads looked embarrassed."

10. 'Our passion is food. Our secret is people' Moxie's Classic Grill, "Canada's leading premium casual restaurant chain," 2009. Nominated by Henry VIII (I know).

Next week: Spoonerisms.

Coming soon: Most interesting UK politicians. Send your suggestions, and ideas for future Top 10s, to