Diary: A man in control of his media

Anyone previously unbriefed as to whether Craig Oliver was a blue-sky-thinking Steve Hilton-alike or an Andy Coulson-esque attack dog has their answer courtesy of this compelling photograph of Oliver arriving for his first day at work. Number 10's new communications chief, or so his accessories would attest, is a fellow who gives good flow-chart. Let's start with the "Beats by [Dr] Dre" designer headphones, denoting a middle-aged man keen to convince passers-by that he was once deeply into hip-hop, and thus requires "cans" with superior bass quality in order to enjoy his old Public Enemy albums on the move.

Next, the iPad, preferred gadget of the media class fashion victim. The cycle helmet is crucial (green, youth-giving), yet clashes irreconcilably with the headphones – which would he have us believe he's just been using? Not both at once, surely. The Burberry-or-similar scarf is knotted in the accepted metrosexual style. The man-bag is not, sadly, Anya Hindmarch's new "Dylan Jones" man-bag – named after the Cameron cheerleader, GQ editor (and Independent columnist) – though I expect he's on the waiting list for one of those. Also, is it me, or does he look a bit like a chunky-era Gary Barlow?

* One's grandson's wedding day seems an odd moment to contemplate one's own death, but needs must, and Wills/Kate's nuptials are also, I'm told, a perfect opportunity to rehearse the Queen's funeral. Royal courtiers will execute a dry run of the event that dare not speak its name (and is, therefore, code-named "London Bridge") in tandem with the wedding in April. The Queen's funeral service will take place at Westminster Abbey, so those inevitable proceedings will one day follow a similar, if more sombre, route. "Rehearsals are held discreetly every year," says my man in the Lord Chamberlain's Office. "Going over the route, checking and updating the list of dignitaries who will attend, and keeping the plan fresh for when it is finally needed. There are always a few foreign leaders who fall off the perch or are replaced. Having them all in London at the same time for the wedding is ideal. The Queen is very pragmatic and knows all about it." Long live etc.

* The call has gone out for volunteers to man the Mayor of London's re-election campaign, but there's one member of the 2008 team unlikely to attend the so-called "Back Boris Boot Camp" this month. Last time around, I'm told, then-shadow Chancellor George (né Gideon) Osborne took it upon himself to "oversee" things, regaling Boris and the team with his wisdom in the art of electioneering. Given Boris reportedly regards each of his colleagues (including the Prime Minister) as inferior talents, it should come as no surprise that Gideon's lectures enjoyed fart-in-a-lift status. "Last time, Boris was just a candidate; now he's the Mayor," a brave, anonymous source from the Boris camp tells me. "Then he had to reluctantly endure [Gideon]'s interference, but if [Gideon] tries the same trick this time, he'll get a blunt response."



* Will the Back Boris Boot Camp be sufficient preparation for the battles ahead? The Mayor faces stiff opposition – from Ken Livingstone, yes, but also from this column's favourite Estonian (I know only the one) and erstwhile star of my notional sitcom Anyone But Lembit: glamour model-bothering ex-member for Montgomeryshire Lembit Opik. Still vainly chasing the Lib Dem nomination, Opik's latest gambit is an electoral ad entitled "Citizen Lem", which casts him in the same mould as Wolfie Smith of the revolutionary Tooting Popular Front. "An unemployed dreamer," says Wikipedia of Wolfie, "whose plans fall through because of laziness and disorganisation". Well, no one would ever accuse Lembit of laziness.



* The Iranian regime, disappointed by the lack of attention lavished on it by the world's media recently, has resorted to desperate measures to recapture our attention from events in North Africa. Tehran has made a formal complaint to the International Olympic Committee, objecting to the design of the London 2012 logo. Quite right, you may think – it is pretty rubbish, after all. However, Mohammad Aliabadi, head of Iran's National Olympic Committee, claims the logo is not just rubbish, but racist too: the jagged "2012" lettering, he argues, looks like the word "Zion", and Iranian athletes may thus be obliged to boycott the event altogether. Children's charities remain supportive of the London Games, despite previous suggestions that the logo resembles Lisa Simpson (of The Simpsons) performing a sex act.

highstreetken@independent.co.uk

PROMOTED VIDEO
News
ebooksAn unforgettable anthology of contemporary reportage
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

HR Manager - Kent - £45,000

£40000 - £45000 per annum: Ashdown Group: HR Manager / Training Manager (L&D /...

HR Manager - Edgware, London - £45,000

£40000 - £45000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: HR Manager - Edgware, Lon...

HR Manager - London - £40,000 + bonus

£32000 - £40000 per annum + bonus: Ashdown Group: HR Manager (Generalist) -Old...

Talent Manager / HR Manager - central London - £50,000

£45000 - £50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Talent / Learning & Development Mana...

Day In a Page

A roller-coaster tale from the 'voice of a generation'

Not That Kind of Girl:

A roller-coaster tale from 'voice of a generation' Lena Dunham
London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice. In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence

London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice

In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence
Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with Malcolm McLaren

Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with McLaren

Designer 'felt pressured' into going out with Sex Pistols manager
Jourdan Dunn: Model mother

Model mother

Jordan Dunn became one of the best-paid models in the world
Apple still coolest brand – despite U2 PR disaster

Apple still the coolest brand

Despite PR disaster of free U2 album
Scottish referendum: The Yes vote was the love that dared speak its name, but it was not to be

Despite the result, this is the end of the status quo

Boyd Tonkin on the fall-out from the Scottish referendum
Manolo Blahnik: The high priest of heels talks flats, Englishness, and why he loves Mary Beard

Manolo Blahnik: Flats, Englishness, and Mary Beard

The shoe designer who has been dubbed 'the patron saint of the stiletto'
The Beatles biographer reveals exclusive original manuscripts of some of the best pop songs ever written

Scrambled eggs and LSD

Behind The Beatles' lyrics - thanks to Hunter Davis's original manuscript copies
'Normcore' fashion: Blending in is the new standing out in latest catwalk non-trend

'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

Just when fashion was in grave danger of running out of trends, it only went and invented the non-trend. Rebecca Gonsalves investigates
Dance’s new leading ladies fight back: How female vocalists are now writing their own hits

New leading ladies of dance fight back

How female vocalists are now writing their own hits
Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments