Hit & Run: Seagal under siege

Steven Seagal has discovered that not even he – actor, writer, philanthropist, aikido black-belt, blues musician, buddhist and reserve deputy sheriff of Jefferson Parish in the state of Louisiana – is above the law. You might indeed, were you so inclined, describe him as being under siege, too. This week his former personal assistant, 23-year-old Kayden Nyugen, claimed she was sexually assaulted by Seagal three times while working for him in New Orleans, and that he retained two young Russian attendants as sex slaves. Nyugen, one could say, is out for justice – oh, and $1m in compensation. Seagal's lawyer says the allegations are "ridiculous and absurd".

Hit & Run: Saviours of Friday TV?

Perhaps it's the beard wot done it. Adrian Chiles's controversial face fur arguably doesn't cut it on Friday nights when, it was confirmed this week, Chris Evans (pictured, top), will occupy The One Show sofa alongside the sufficiently glamorous Christine Bleakley. BBC bosses expect Evans, the clean-cut (well, clean-shaven) new star of mainstream BBC programming, to sprinkle the 7pm magazine show with a bit of stardust in a new-look end-of-week edition. Expect sharper suits and more purple – a house band, perhaps.

Hit & Run: It's crunch time for the Blairs

One of the problems with owning a Grade I listed building is that when you burn your toast, the fire brigade is automatically alerted. It's something Cherie and Tony Blair learned on Saturday to their peril, when two Buckinghamshire fire crews were called to their Wotton Underwood home after a breakfast-time toasting session went up in smoke. Perhaps the Blairs need to invest in an up-to-the-minute luxury toaster, such as one of the three we've chosen, below. Those after-dinner speaking engagements have got to be worth something, after all.

Hit & Run: Pranks for the memories

In the age of fake Facebook and Twitter profiles for everyone from Malcolm Tucker to Cheryl Cole ("Ah man look at this pickcha a Ladee Gawgaw! Shiz lost it man!") has April Fools' Day lost it's caché? If everyone is in on the joke, has the fool finally lost its fun?

Hit & Run: Snog, marry, avoid?

Pub chitchat after a long day in the office is wont to veer towards gossipy banter over insightful political analysis. So imagine the glee at the opportunity to combine the two following Monday's Ask the Chancellors debate on Channel 4.

Hit & Run: Here's one I made earlier

Visitors to the Labour Party website were yesterday confronted with a stark new intro page – the latest salvo in an increasingly fierce advertising war with the Tories.

Hit & Run: Where are all the daffodils?

First it was Valentine's Day (14 February). Then it was Shrove Tuesday (16 February). Then it was St David's Day (1 March). Then it was Mothering Sunday (14 March). Spot the connection? It's a dismal one. All of these spring feast days of one kind and another have had to be celebrated, in 2010, without daffodils.

Hit & Run: Second helpings of Nigella

Unimaginable but true, Nigella Lawson, the prima donna assoluta of foodie porn, the doe-eyed, brown-haired, pink-sweatered doyenne of spatula and mixing bowl, the flirty sexpot of pot-roast and pavlova, hit 50 in January. The fall of years has not diminished her infinite gorgeousness by a jot or tittle, sprig or teaspoon, but some pretenders have been waiting in the wings, groomed by publishers and TV producers to take over the goddess's mantle.

Hit & Run: An expat's guide to Dubai

Dubai might boast lush beaches, dozens of nightclubs and attract the excruciatingly rich – along with the downright tacky – but don't let that deceive you into thinking it's Ibiza-on-the-Persian-Gulf. The City of Gold is a strict Muslim society, where Ramadan is observed by locals. Drunkenness is banned, as are Public Displays of Affection (kissing and cuddling). In October 2008, the British expatriate couple Michelle Palmer, then 36, and Vince Acors, then 34, were jailed for three months for having sex on a local beach. Now a Dubai-based marketing executive Ayman Najafi, 24, from Palmers Green, and a British tourist Charlotte Lewis, 25, face up to a month in the slammer for allegedly kissing while drunk in a restaurant. It looks like this Middle Eastern tourist trap is a manners minefield – one accidental beach-side slip of the towel and you could face a hefty fine. As a former expat who braved the mores of Dubai's cash-rich, but religiously strict society, here are some tips on how to avoid a jail sentence while soaking up the tax-free lifestyle.

Hit & Run: Ker-ching whenever Chung wears something

When Anne Boleyn first wore the French hood on the front row of the Tudor court, ye fash pack ditched their gabled headgear and copied her Parisian chic. When she engineered fuller sleeves to cover her congenital sixth finger, the Grazia editors of the day took note and disseminated advice about ermine trim.

Hit & Run: Whitehall – by bus

First Tory MP Sir Nicholas Winterton railed against the prospect of second-class train travel, almost gagging on his own foot as he suggested passengers with regular tickets were "a totally different type of people".

Hit & Run: Sexiest thing in the office

Are you sitting comfortably? I am, which is a first for a lanky loafer with a dodgy back, fidgety disposition and a posture more brute than ballerina. For a week I have been carpet-testing an office chair hailed by its makers as a revolution in workplace seating. Not very exciting, as revolutions go, but office furniture rarely is. Yet millions of us spend more time on our swivels than anywhere else bar our beds (if we're lucky).

Hit & Run: Thanks for the memory

There is an indispensable skill needed to become a top Conservative politician. It's a surer route to the Shadow Cabinet than going to Eton, being a member of the Bullingdon Club or living in Notting Hill. It's the ability to speak without notes.

Hit And Run: Mad to let her go

Can it be true? Can Joan Holloway, office manager at Sterling Cooper, the fictional ad agency in Mad Men, really be leaving the company to be a housewife ministering exclusively to her vile husband, Greg? This is terrible news. Fans of the show have got used to walking through the open-plan offices of Sterling Cooper, sitting in meetings and chatting by the water cooler, and it was always a treat to run into Joan.

Hit & Run: Abandon all hope, it's Dante's Inferno: the game

Midway through the course of this our life, computer game developer Electronic Arts woke to find itself lost in a dark wood, for the straightforward path of Rock Band and Medal of Honour had been lost. To return to the true path, EA has decided to reference something more commonly found on the shelves of professors than in the paws of the gaming community. For salvation it has turned to the poetry of a man who, 700 years ago, wrote about losing his way, and the journey through Hell to find it. EA has taken a sizeable bet that 14th-century Italian scribe Dante Alighieri has what it takes to whet the appetites of 21st-century gamers and turn around its fortunes after 12 consecutive quarters of losses.

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