Pharrell Williams is not a vampire: ‘I'm willing to go on record as saying I don’t drink people’s blood’
The entire internet is on a quest to uncover the secret behind the singer’s eternal youth
Just how does Pharrell Williams keep his skin so smooth?
It seems the entire internet is on a quest to uncover the secret behind the singer’s eternal youth.
Memes and GIFs have popped up all over the place, tackling the all-important issue of the N.E.R.D frontman’s face.
Top of the theories? That behind closed doors, he’s a blood-sucking vampire, draining the life out of countless young musicians who thought they’d stepped into his studio for a big production break, but instead left with two deep wounds on the side of their neck and a funk-infused hook that sounds exactly like every Pharrell song ever made.
So to make sure we didn’t believe it, he issued a ‘denial’.
"I'm willing to go on record as saying that I don't drink people's blood," he told Time Out magazine.
"How do I stay so young-looking for a 40-year-old?" he added. "I wash my face."
Other schools of thought debate the true power of what lay beneath the elongated Yosemite Sam hat he wore to the Grammys.
Some say an entire eco-system of miniscule singing wombats work tirelessly to provide Pharrell’s forehead with a balance of smoothing audio vibrations and gentle web-footed massage. Others, simply that his real head is so large, is actually fills the entire bowl of the hat, thus stretching the skin of his face tighter than a Croydon school girl’s scrunchie.
"Seriously, I find myself trying to be cool about it, but I'm really like... whoa!" he said, not of his face this time, but instead of his phenomenal rise back to prominence over the last 12 months.
"I've always produced music for artists who are going through this level of success, but I just didn't know it would be this crazy.
"I'm like a kid with a sweet tooth waking up in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory."
Pharrell will perform at this year's BRIT Awards in London tomorrow, which will be broadcast live from 8pm on ITV.
- 2 The man who filmed the Freddie Gray video has been arrested at gunpoint
- 3 How the language you speak changes your view of the world
- 4 The top 50 cities for young people to live in
General Election 2015: Fishing is on Nigel Farage's mind as he casts a line to the disaffected of Grimsby
Oxygen-starved 'dead zones' with no marine life up to 100-miles long discovered in the Atlantic Ocean
The man who filmed the Freddie Gray video has been arrested at gunpoint
Indonesia executions: Death row British grandmother Lindsay Sandiford will refuse to wear a blindfold when she faces firing squad
Russian warships accused of 'chasing away' Swedish vessel to prevent Baltic States from achieving energy independence
Over 50,000 families shipped out of London boroughs in the past three years due to welfare cuts and soaring rents
EU asylum policy is 'a direct threat to our civilisation', says Nigel Farage
The Rothschild Libel: Why has it taken 200 years for an anti-Semitic slur that emerged from the Battle of Waterloo to be dismissed?
General Election 2015: SNP and its activists 'openly racist' towards the English, Farage says
General Election 2015: UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power, Labour warns
Schools forced to act as 'miniature welfare states' with teachers buying underwear and even haircuts for poor pupils
£36000 - £45000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...
£50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: HR Manager Shared Services - Uxbridge, Stock...
Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity to join one of...
£18000 - £20000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: HR Assistant (Events busi...