Pharrell Williams is not a vampire: ‘I'm willing to go on record as saying I don’t drink people’s blood’
The entire internet is on a quest to uncover the secret behind the singer’s eternal youth
Just how does Pharrell Williams keep his skin so smooth?
It seems the entire internet is on a quest to uncover the secret behind the singer’s eternal youth.
Memes and GIFs have popped up all over the place, tackling the all-important issue of the N.E.R.D frontman’s face.
Top of the theories? That behind closed doors, he’s a blood-sucking vampire, draining the life out of countless young musicians who thought they’d stepped into his studio for a big production break, but instead left with two deep wounds on the side of their neck and a funk-infused hook that sounds exactly like every Pharrell song ever made.
So to make sure we didn’t believe it, he issued a ‘denial’.
"I'm willing to go on record as saying that I don't drink people's blood," he told Time Out magazine.
"How do I stay so young-looking for a 40-year-old?" he added. "I wash my face."
Other schools of thought debate the true power of what lay beneath the elongated Yosemite Sam hat he wore to the Grammys.
Some say an entire eco-system of miniscule singing wombats work tirelessly to provide Pharrell’s forehead with a balance of smoothing audio vibrations and gentle web-footed massage. Others, simply that his real head is so large, is actually fills the entire bowl of the hat, thus stretching the skin of his face tighter than a Croydon school girl’s scrunchie.
"Seriously, I find myself trying to be cool about it, but I'm really like... whoa!" he said, not of his face this time, but instead of his phenomenal rise back to prominence over the last 12 months.
"I've always produced music for artists who are going through this level of success, but I just didn't know it would be this crazy.
"I'm like a kid with a sweet tooth waking up in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory."
Pharrell will perform at this year's BRIT Awards in London tomorrow, which will be broadcast live from 8pm on ITV.
Oscar Pistorius trial: Defence witness contradicts athlete version
Oscar Pistorius trial: The case against Oscar Pistorius – and why the prosecution claims his story doesn't add up
South Korea ferry: Captain Lee Joon-seok could face criminal investigation as over 280 remain missing
Peaches Geldof dead: Private funeral for the family and friends of the socialite will take place next week
Shropshire criminals ‘using unmanned drones and infrared cameras to find illegal cannabis farms’ – and then steal from the growers
The food poverty scandal that shames Britain: Nearly 1m people rely on handouts to eat – and benefit reforms may be to blame
US Navy christens huge $3 billion destroyer ship USS Zumwalt that appears as a fishing boat on enemy radar
Scottish independence: It is the English who should be on their knees, begging the Scots to vote ‘No’
Nigel Farage fatigue? Half of voters ‘immune’ to Ukip’s appeal
Nigel Farage on Have I Got News For You: Ukip leader ridiculed over expenses and party 'fruitcakes'
Nigel Farage: I’m taking on the status quo, and the Establishment’s fighting back
- 1 Poveglia: 'World's most haunted island' up for sale...is anyone brave enough to buy it?
- 2 The Hobbit: There and Back Again set for possible title change
- 3 Video of British Muslims dancing to Pharrell Williams's hit Happy attacked as 'sinful'
- 4 24 people applied for the 'world's toughest job', here are their interviews
- 5 Andre Johnson: Wu-Tang Clan-discovered rapper severed his penis and jumped from LA building
£35000 - £50000 per annum + benefits+bonus+package: Harrington Starr: SharePoi...
£80000 - £95000 per annum: Charter Selection: A leading Global organisation Ja...