There are, it would seem, further twists to be negotiated in Madonna's Long Road to Adoption – this time in the daunting form of an emergency injunction by her opponents. Pandora hears that a collection of almost 90 Malawian civil rights groups met yesterday, hatching the plan of a court order preventing the child-gathering singer (shown here with an earlier aquisition) from adding a four-year-old girl to her toy box.
"We've been in talks with our lawyers and experts about launching an injunction by the end of the week," explains the committee's chairman, Undule Mwakasangubwe. "We want to stop the process until they have looked into the way in which she worked the system. It seems she has bulldozed through the procedures."
If it comes into force, the injunction will mark the latest in a series of obstacles to Madonna's adoption attempts – most recently a temporary ruling to delay any adoption until Friday.
Kate's musical comeback
And so, like an exile returning to her spiritual home, Kate Moss has resumed her music career, accepting a cameo on the Lemonheads' forthcoming album. Naturally, Pandora is most relieved at the news – for some time it had appeared that Ms Moss's musical days were numbered, following rumours that her rock-star boyfriend had refused to let her into the recording studio. Of course, the Lemonheads will be equally delighted. Until recently, they had been forced to eke out an existence as past-their-prime Nineties rockers. No longer, my friends, no longer.
Sacha's flick 'basically banned'
Devastating news, now, as we hear that cinema-goers under the age of 17 may be deprived of the chance to view Sacha Baron Cohen's latest film, Bruno. According to reports, American censors have awarded the film a notorious NC-17 certificate or, as some more subtle commentators have put it, "basically banned" it. Apparently the decision was taken in response to a series of steamy scenes, including one where Bruno – a flamboyantly homosexual, mohawk sporting Austrian fashion designer – goes on a hunting trip and, er, "sneaks naked into the tent of one of the fellow hunters, an unsuspecting non-actor". Scandalous!
Sophie's wins new friends in America
America, as they say, is the hardest nut to crack. So congratulations are firmly in order for Sophie Winkleman, star of the BBC's Robin Hood.
Pandora is told that the erudite actress is soon to fly over to the United States to film the pilot episode of a new series from the team behind Friends and Frasier.
Winkleman has been chosen to play the lead role, after a gruelling audition process which saw her selected over a host of renowned American actresses.
No doubt the news will come as some relief to Winkleman who, since her engagement to Lord Freddie Windsor, is said to have been quite bewildered by the voracity of media interest, coming as it does after years of a quietly successful career, which has taken her from the Cambridge Footlights to the Royal Shakespeare Company.
"The girls are getting younger – I'm seeing one who's 29, but they have been as young as 21." Thus spoke the rotund Masterchef judge Gregg Wallace last time Pandora heard from him, adding that he regularly has facials, his teeth whitened and the occasional fake tan. Tragically, all that bathroom time appears to have had paid little dividends. Wallace was passed over at yesterday's Kitchen Crumpet Awards which named the GMTV cutie Gizzi Erskine, as their winner. 'Tis a travesty, we say.