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Pandora: It's all over for the Stones, says Dylan

In his latest incarnation as an attention-seeking serial interviewee, Bob Dylan has revived an old rivalry.

"They are pretty much finished, aren't they?" observes the fickle musician of the Rolling Stones – his one-time dueting partners and inevitable chart competitors.

The provocative comment from Dylan comes in the latest in a series of promotional interviews with MTV's Bill Flanagan, available to view on the singer's website.

"They were the first and the last and no one has ever done it better," he adds. "Without [Bill Wyman] they are a funk band. They'll be the real Rolling Stones when they get him back."

Of course, that prospect seems unlikely. As Pandora's more regular readers will be aware, since he left the Stones in 1990, Wyman has immersed himself in his passion for metal-detection (no, really: you can order his "signature detector" for £125 from his personal website. Bargain!).

Property snobs snub Madonna

While Madonna's compelling battle to "rescue" an African child continues, the New York Observer has published a delightfully catty piece about the Queen of Pop's taste in real estate. Faced with the understandably alarming prospect of her relocating to the city, Manhattan estate agents have taken to critiquing her predicted choice (presumably in an attempt to scare her off). "It's one of the worst blocks in creation," enthuses Pandora's favourite. "It might as well be on the moon."

McGowan joins the Jade brigade

Mark McGowan is the latest passenger aboard the rolling train of bad taste that is the Jade Goody Aftermath. The "I'm mad me" performance artist's next work, to be shown at an east London gallery, will be a "tribute" to the late reality star, re-enacting the last hours of her life. "I have always supported her, even through the Shilpa Shetty incident," comments McGowan, helpfully. "The last months of her life were in the public eye, except for her death. As an artist, this is my tribute."

Draper is a lifesaver for Kate... and Cameron too

Here's one headline Pandora wasn't expecting to see this week: "Derek's a lifesaver" – penned not by David Cameron in celebration of "Smeargate's" rejuvenating qualities, but by Derek Draper's photogenic wife, GMTV presenter Kate Garraway, in her highly entertaining column for New! magazine.

Naturally, Kate is concerned with far more important matters than her husband's emailing habits. "Derek and I went to the British Book Awards recently, which is a bit like the book world's version of the Oscars," she muses.

"I wore a lovely red dress, while Derek decided to accessorise his smart dinner suit with, wait for it, a bright orange life-saving ring! Don't worry though, he hasn't lost his mind..."

Campbell's Calendar Girls

After his stellar performance as the guest editor (and cover star) of the New Statesman, Alastair Campbell is making another return to journalism, interviewing the Women's Institute members immortalised by the film Calendar Girls (they posed nude for a calendar, which sold by the bucket-load. Tough work freelancing, isn't it?). Of course, Campbell's involvement isn't purely recreational. The interview will take place before an audience, and all proceeds will go to Leukaemia Research.