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Pandora: King returns with promise of memoirs

Numerous unsuccessful CDs and one DVD later, Jonathan King has launched his latest bid for attention.

The disgraced former pop mogul, who was sentenced to seven years in jail following his conviction for sexual offences, is said to be in the process of completing his memoirs.

According to sources, he has already penned three-quarters of what is planned to be a 200,000-word work. Release is slated for Christmas time, with King planning to personally bankroll its publication.

Since his release four years ago, after serving half of his sentence, King has made several attempts to return to the public eye, at one point recording a song in defence of Harold Shipman, the notorious serial killer.

This latest move doesn't seem any more destined for success. PR guru Max Clifford who, as the representative of King's victims, will no doubt be making an appearance in the tome, claims, for one, to be unfazed.

"No one's talked about him for years. He's someone who has always craved attention. That's just his nature."

David's unexpected Gest star

Joining The ever-weirder line-up for David Gest's musical, David Gest...My Life! A Musical Concert Extravaganza, Pandora hears that often-addled Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty is to join the cast next month for a one-off singalong in tribute to Michael Jackson. Says Gest: "It's the icing on the cake." We're not sure we'd put it like that.

Tories search for right tone

*Who could ask for more? The perfect mobile phone accessory, brought to you by none other than those technological hipsters, the Conservative Party. This week, party faithful will be given the chance to download a free ringtone from the Conservative Home website. There are two choices: the sound of Margaret Thatcher uttering her famous "the lady's not for turning", or a considerably lengthier version of Winston Churchill's "we shall fight on the beaches". No word yet on which one Dave has chosen.

Hopkins flies the flag (for America)

VisitBritain, look away now: ex-patriate knight of the realm Sir Anthony Hopkins, currently doing the promotional rounds for his new film, The Wolfman, has, after almost a decade spent as an American citizen, shed light on the matter of his self-imposed exile.

"It was difficult being in London," he ruminates during an interview with this month's Empire magazine. "It was fucking boring."

You know what they say, Anthony: "When you're tired of London...".

Prescott gets the holiday blues

*Most people – Pandora excepted, of course – spent their bank holiday Monday enjoying the delights of an added day's leisure – perhaps even baking sponge cake with the kids (that means you, Andrew Gwynne MP). No such luck for John Prescott. "Been in my office since 6am working on my China speech," complained the former deputy PM. "Listening to BB King." Poor fellow.