Were there any doubts, in this prolonged mud-wrestle to become leader of the Liberal Democrats, that Chris Huhne is a heavyweight – well, here they should end. For I hear that the yellow contender is so concerned about his physical dimensions that he has taken to drinking Slim.Fast, in an attempt to buff up for the cameras.
Environment spokesman Huhne, 54, has four weeks left to bloody his spunky rival of 40, Nick Clegg, the third party's home affairs chappy. And Huhne aides say that their boss's insecurities over his love handles have been entrenched during the hectic campaigning. Canvassing for votes typically involves eating junk food on the hoof and missing proper exercise. So Huhne has resorted to trawling the "dietary supplements" aisle. We've all been there, Chris.
"He is worried that the campaign trail diet is making him fat," says a teaspoon-wagging source. "The age difference with Clegg is a factor. So he drinks Slim.Fast milkshakes for lunch, to replace a full meal. His team is teasing him about it but it's not a bad thing in the circumstances."
I called Mr Huhne to ask for his body mass index and whether he prefers strawberry or chocolate. Unfortunately, he was unavailable.
Still, so long as he doesn't go the way of that other great ambassador for the brand, the amply upholstered singer Meatloaf, this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Auditioning for 'In Praise of Older Women'
Despite being Britain's third most eligible bachelor (© Glossy Magazine), and once dating older Dane Helena Christensen, might Jack Huston still be a tad nervous around women?
The 24-year-old actor (Factory Girl) and nephew of Oscar-winner Anjelica was rumoured to have "bonded well" with Heather Graham, 37, on the set of Boogie Woogie.
But Huston delivered a bumbling denial when Pandora met him in Dublin with co-star Lindsey Haun, left, at the premiere of Irish slasher movie Shrooms: "Really? What? Heather? God no! I mean, no! Older women, they're amazing, but Heather's the same age as Helena and it's too much. Older women want different things."
He adds: "As if I have a chance! God, Heather's amazing – if only! Okay, I'm going to stop now. I'm too liberal with what I say and I'm scared of being misquoted."
Supply your own rope, good fellow.
Something in the air
Harriet Scott goes on air at 6am six days a week to present breakfast radio, yet stays up all night gazing at outer space. The DJ is going so far as to cut (and glaze) an enormous hole in her house roof so that she can have unfettered access to distant galaxies.
"I'm moving to a new place in Notting Hill where I'm going to buy a telescope and set up my own planetarium," she says. "It's like there's a different story going on in space every day."
Scott, right, now produces her own (apparently well-regarded) podcast about astronomy and spaceflight, with Sir Patrick Moore's astrophysicist pal Chris Lintott, the co-presenter of The Sky at Night. Download if you have ever wondered what electric guitars sound like on Titan.
Jack Straw, why won't you return Pandora's calls? Apparently, you wear your wife's tights under your trousers to keep warm when you go "oop north" to watch Blackburn Rovers on cold nights. Fishnets? A garter belt? Please tell. Incidentally, delegates to the Tories' annual conference in Blackpool were shocked to spot a vending machine for "All In One Silk Sex Suits, £1". They were sold out.
* Visitors to Gordon Brown's Attorney General, Baroness Scotland, have received especially attentive service of late. The lavatories by her office are out of order and so the security guard ushers guests into the disabled cubicle. This has a dysfunctional lock, requiring him to patrol outside for the duration. Alas, that is far as his assistance goes.
Never mind the bankers
He's not just a beady-eyed super-capitalist, he's also a human being. City big-hitter Guy Hands – chief executive of the private equity whale Terra Firma – has been spotted sweating at Brixton Academy, nodding his curly bouffant to the reunited Sex Pistols.
Hands, worth £200m, is also boss of British record label EMI since his company bought it for £2.4bn. He was at the gig "as a fan", not for work, and didn't flinch when the Pistols played their legendary attack on the music industry.
For the uninitiated, that song is entitled "EMI". The lyrics (please sing along): "Blind acceptance is a sign / Of stupid fools who stand in line / Like / E.M.I."
The label had dropped the Pistols in January 1977 after a reported vomiting-on-old-ladies incident, leading Johnny Rotten to comment: "I don't understand it. All we're trying to do is destroy everything."Reuse content