PMQs: The subject was grammar schools and Jeremy Corbyn’s victory was comprehensive

His proper suit on, his tie done up, Jeremy Corbyn finally gave the Red Tories, the Blairite Stooges and the Biased British Media the afternoon off

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Indy Politics

It was meant to be another long day at the coalface but the Blairite stooges, the MSM conspirators and the Red Tories were six deep in every bar in Westminster by half past twelve.

Some of them might even have worked out they’d be in for a quiet day the moment Jeremy Corbyn stood up straight at the despatch box, wearing a proper suit, his tie done up. “Guys, guys, you take the afternoon off,” he all but told the Biased British Media as he deftly picked up the grammar school question, turned it into a defeat that can only be described as comprehensive and flung it at Theresa May as if it were Mao’s Red Book.

By the time the Prime Minister had been pinned against the ropes for so long she was visibly grimacing at the prospect of having to deliver her own horrific pre-scripted gags (more on those later), the leaders of the MSM conspiracy were already singing Zip a dee doo dah and splashing about half cut in the Trafalgar Square fountains. Funny how, the moment Jeremy Corbyn actually does a good job, The Establishment That Is Running Scared of him just melts away. 

Grammar schools were meant to divert attention from Brexit. It could scarcely have been a worse choice. Virtually nothing can unite the Labour Party in 2016, but this will, and it did. 

These are divisive times we live in, and Mr Corbyn congratulated the Prime Minister for bringing unity. “Unity between Ofsted and the teaching unions ... unity between former education secretaries on both sides of the House. She has truly brought about a new era of unity in education thinking,” he told her. Jeremy Corbyn doesn't do humour, but in its place sarcasm will certainly do.

There was also unity on the Labour benches and disunity on hers. To the Prime Minister's left hand side Priti Patel looked panicked. When Priti Patel can tell you’re in trouble, you’re definitely in trouble. 

Grammar schoolboy Mr Corbyn was accused of “pulling up the ladder behind him”.

“This is not about pulling up ladders,” he told Ms May. “It is about providing a ladder for every child.”

Behind him, his benches rose like Sleeping Beauty from their year-long coma. 

In Ms May’s defence, she is new in the job and there is not much in the manual for handling Corbyn on top form. It simply hasn’t happened before. A more nimble operator might have considered pulling the plug on her pre-written jokes. But she is not a nimble operator. “Let us think of some of the things he has introduced,” she said. “He wants coal mines without mining them, submarines without sailing them, and he wants to be Labour leader without leading them.” As she did so her face writhed in agonised contortions. No one even extended her the courtesy of a groan.

I’ve said this before, but it it’s still true: someone on the public purse actually gets paid to come up with this stuff. It is truly the scandal of our age.

This won’t be the last time in the coming years that Theresa May is there for the taking. Trouble is, it’s mainly going to be on Brexit, and whenever that's on the agenda, even the most optimistic Blairite stooge won’t be expecting to knock off early.