Sketch: Not much Reshuffling on Reshuffling Day Two, but at least Toby Young reshuffled himself off

You could say nothing has changed, except that nothing has actually changed

Theresa May's new cabinet, roughly as reshuffled as Stone Henge (PA)

Big Reshuffle Day One didn’t go quite as planned for Theresa May, what with the words “disastrous,” “shambolic” and “embarrassing” scrawled in various sizes on the fronts of all the newspapers.

She’d set out with every intention of reshuffling the ministers inside the departments, but when they refused to be reshuffled she had to reshuffle the names of the departments they ran instead. Oh well. The act of reshuffling carries within it strong suggestions of stationary, so refreshing the government's headed notepaper instead of the government itself should not be considered a complete failure.

And Big Reshuffle Day Two could hardly have got off to a more promising start when Toby Young reshuffled himself. Well, not reshuffled exactly. Shuffled himself off, if that is not too silly and sophomoric a way of putting it.

Young is not the type of chap to go down without a fight, but even he will have known his number was up when he’d been given the Prime Minister’s backing forty eight hours earlier. And though the “journalist provocateur” was not strictly speaking a member of the cabinet, he is friends with half of them, which is more than any of the rest of the actual cabinet can say.

It would also transpire that Jo Johnson’s final act in the job of Universities Minister would be to leap to the defence of Toby Young at the dispatch box on Monday afternoon, just hours before Toby Young would fail to leap to the defence of Toby Young. Johnson Minor has now been shuffled on to Minister for London and Transport now. Not quite Mayor, is it, and as for the transport bit, one doubts he'll end up with a bike named after him.

This reshuffle was meant to be the chance to bring on “fresh blood”, rejuvenate the party, and so on. So it was unfortunate that the only major move of note had been the almost accidental sacking of the first comprehensively educated Education Secretary ever, who also happened to constitute 50 per cent of the LGBT representation round the cabinet table. Still, you are never far from a chap with a degree in PPE and "Oxford Union President" on his CV round these parts, so one was duly found, possibly down the back of a sofa, by the name of Damian Hinds.

Reshuffle Day Two is the day when Prime Ministers traditionally rejuvenate the lower reaches of their government: the Ministers of State, the Parliamentary Under-Secretaries and so on. It is also a job traditionally undergone via the telephone and the emails, rather than summoning each new low ranking job-holder in through the Number 10 front door. Whether Ms May’s decisions to a) significantly bolster the ethnic diversity of her government and b) to do so in front of the waiting TV cameras were connected we cannot know for sure.

Rishi Sunak was in, the polite young hedge fund multi-millionaire Brexiteer who had politely refused to meet David Cameron in the run up to the referendum because “it will only make things worse.” He’s a junior Minister for Housing now, helping out Sajid Javid. And if they can’t sort out the housing crisis, frankly who can. They’ve certainly got enough of them between them.

Suella Fernandes has joined the Brexit Department, formalising a job she’d been doing on a freelance basis for some time.

The much touted “Cabinet Minister for No Deal” never happened. Indeed Number 10 confirmed it had never even been considered, which does make it hard to avoid the suspicion that the much touted man to get the much touted job that didn’t exist, Steve Baker, had been doing much of the touting himself.

Alternatively, it could be that the day it was leaked that David Davis wants to sue the European Union for having the temerity to prepare for a no deal Brexit, might not be the best day for Theresa May to create a cabinet job for doing exactly the same. Particularly as Steve Baker is already doing it.

The whole thing came to an end at 6pm, with Number 10 facing down criticism that the cabinet was now more privately educated than ever before, with the claim that more women are now “attending cabinet” than before. The word attending is doing a lot of heavy lifting there - because so many of them, like for example Claire Perry, will be attending without being actual members.

If only there were a three word phrase for all this. Like, for example, nothing has changed, but to be used in the rare instance when nothing, instead of everything has, in fact, changed.