Arts and Entertainment Cover queen Rihanna may have clocked up the publicity, but she fails to deliver the goods on stage

The women of Wales turned out 65,000-strong in Cardiff and raised the roof – what a pity that Rihanna had little to bring to the party

'If Buffy answers, just hang up,' he says. He may as well have added 'or she will kill you'

I remember the first time I saw her. We were at some dank, stuffy club, and tears were streaming from my eyes because of all the cigarette smoke. She was at the front of the bar queue, even though she was the shortest person in there. Her cropped copper hair looked like tiny flames licking at her forehead. A Stella in each hand, she pushed her way out of the crowd, squealing "Excuse me, excuse me," in a dinky Glasgow accent.

ET the Extra Terrestrial Christmas Eve 3.40pm BBC1

The grand plans of Steven Spielberg came to fruition in 1982 with ET the Extra Terrestrial, the film which he had always seemed on the verge of making. Melissa Matheson's screenplay taps into the essence of childhood, and of Spielberg. It's a story of wish-fulfilment and the perfect, unattainable friendship - a sort of Before Sunrise for kids.

Talking to your selves

PRYOR CONVICTIONS by Richard Pryor, with Todd Gold Heinemann pounds 16. 99

Is sexual identity now a mere entry in the post-modern menu?

Last week, Simon said the grandmother of his best woman friend had "turned lesbian" - at the age of 70. Which got me pondering about "Sexuality not being fixed" and "Desire having no gender" and "What will the neighbours say?", so I took a Tylenol and forgot about it.

A long time since last orders

Years ago, she tottered around a Boston bar like a bossy prefect on library duty. Now she's Mrs Brady, immaculate mom to the obnoxious Brady Bunch. And in between? Ryan Gilbey talks to Shelley Long about her disastrous career

Letter: We roadies are a sober, sensible lot

Sir: I was disappointed to read Marianne Macdonald's article on the first-ever roadie convention ("Roadies band together but wild image remains", 6 January). This was always intended to be a fun event, sponsored by and in keeping with the spirit of Wayne's World 2.

FILM / Look what they've done to my films, ma: Mary Stuart Masterson, Drew Barrymore and Andie MacDowell may look happy with him (below) but Jonathan Kaplan is not a happy man. He makes Hollywood movies, lots of them, and some of them are pretty good. But, he tells Geoffrey Macnab, they are never the films he set out to make

Depending on your point of view, Jonathan Kaplan's career in movies is either a case-study in bad faith or a heroic, Capra-like fable of the little man battling against the system. Whichever way you approach it, one thing is for certain: the picture which finally appears under his name is unlikely to be the one he wanted to make.

TELEVISION / 'Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh': Beavis and Butthead enjoy sniffing paint-thinner, setting fire to things and torturing frogs. Other interests: television, Bon Jovi and snot. Typical lads, according to John Lyttle who, ahead of the pair's arrival on Channel 4, takes a look at their predecessors and ponders the appeal of never growing up

Boys, listen up. Remember when your parents warned you that if you watched too much television, listened to too much rock music and thought about girls all the time, you'd turn into a permanent moron, not to mention grow hair on the palms of your hands? Well, they were right.

FILM / From Wayne's World to the olde worlde: Wayne's World 2 (PG); Les Visiteurs (15); Bodies, Rest and Motion (15); The Blue Kite (nc); The Conformist (18)

WAYNE AND Garth, cinema's best-known teenage layabouts, are back and, what's more, they've grown up. This isn't just a matter of having hair 'in really weird places', either: Wayne (Mike Myers) has decided to do something with his life. Inspired by a dream in which he meets Jim Morrison on a sand dune, he decides there is no finer way to mark his entry into adulthood than by staging a huge outdoor rock concert. Its name? Waynestock, of course. Can this new- found role of impresario save his flagging relationship with girlfriend Cassandra (Tia Carrere), now wooed by a scheming LA producer (Christopher Walken)? Garth (Dana Carvey), despite the blond fright-wig, Joe 90 specs and nervous muskrat leer, is being romanced, too, though it is unlikely that Honey Hornee (Kim Basinger) wants him for his savvy on the sofa. 'Take me, Garth,' she pleads huskily. 'Where?' he asks, bemused.

FILM / Wayne's worlds apart: Adam Mars-Jones on American juvenilia and French coming-of-age, Wayne's World 2 and Les Visiteurs

Being brainless in a sophisticated way may not be the only secret of making people laugh. But it's done no harm to Mike Myers, originator of the Wayne's World comedy franchise, now opening its second outlet with Wayne's World 2 (PG), directed by first-timer Stephen Surjik. The two heroes, still nominally teenagers, sleep in their baseball caps; one of them, offered an Old Fashion by a scheming seductress, spits it out, saying: 'This Coke's gone bad.' Their innocence defends them.

FILM / Nerd from the 'burbs: 'We are nor worthy.' 'Not]' Waynes World gave expression to a whole new generation of desperately unhip suburban youths. Mike Myers, its creator, tells Jim White why Wayne and Garth had to party on

In Adelaide over the weekend, Australian cricket fans could be seen bowing, scraping and chanting 'We are not worthy' whenever the leg-spinner Shane Warne headed in their direction. In Norwich on Sunday, followers of Manchester United did the same in close proximity to Ryan Giggs. During the US elections in 1992, the Democrats handed out lapel badges saying 'Vote Republican. Not'. The language of Wayne's World, it seems, is now global, the Esperanto of the nerd. But no one is more surprised at its growing ubiquity than Mike Myers, the Canadian comedian who invented Wayne and his universe.
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Pompeii, Capri & the Bay of Naples
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Lake Garda
Minoan Crete and Santorini
Prices correct as of 15 May 2015
Abuse - and the hell that came afterwards

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