Gordon Ramsay

Diary: Gordon Ramsay's box-office blues

Bulldog-browed superchef Gordon Ramsay's business-based woes continue, I can report. The kitchen supremo had what's commonly known as a "nightmare" at the box office this weekend, when the film Love's Kitchen – which features his debut acting performance – achieved UK ticket sales of just £121.

Julie Burchill: Give me strong, silent, emotionally continent men over

Other kids had the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Andersen, but my daddy used to tell me fairy stories about the Soviet Union when I was a tot. One was that the metro was so clean you could eat your dinner off the floor ("Because it belongs to the people, like everything over there, they keep it like a palace!") and another one was that in Georgia, only women past the age of the menopause were in positions of power ("Because they're not slaves to their hormones, like men and young women are, so they can be trusted to make proper judgements").

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Gone today, hair tomorrow: chef Ramsay has £30,000 transplant

After a difficult period in which he has endured a public falling out with his in-laws, seen his restaurant empire falter and had his recipes voted among the unhealthiest in the world by doctors, Gordon Ramsay's looks might have seemed the least of his woes.

The Savoy Grill, The Strand, London, WC2

To any Gordon Ramsay watchers who have gathered around this page hoping to witness another disaster: move on – there's nothing to see here. Sure, with Ramsay's family life and business empire in crisis and his most recent restaurant, Petrus, opening to hostile reviews, there was more than a chance that his latest venture could have been a car crash. Instead, the grand old Savoy Grill glides sedately out from under the dust sheets with the well-tuned purr of a vintage Rolls-Royce.

Diary: Ramsay turns up the heat

What did Freud Communications, Gordon Ramsay's PR reps, make of the bulldog-browed chef's "open letter" to his mother-in-law – especially as they're the third such firm to take on the fiery knife-man in two years? Ramsay was once expertly handled by top PR tactician Gary Farrow, who piloted him through the scandal of an alleged affair in 2008, only to be fired by Ramsay's father-in-law and former business partner Chris Hutcheson, who claimed that Gordon Ramsay Holdings could no longer afford him. When crisis hit the company in 2009, ex-News of the World editor Phil Hall was drafted in temporarily to field questions about Ramsay's finances, footballing credentials, boil-in-the-bag meals and earthy descriptions of Australian TV hosts. Neither Farrow nor Hall, one imagines, would have sanctioned this week's barmy strategy. Matthew Freud, now charged with rescuing the good names of both Ramsay and his empire, fought fires for Heston Blumenthal when his shellfish made diners ill last year. Best fetch the hoses, Matthew.