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We landed at Heathrow from Hong Kong at the very anti-social time of 4.30am. I'd been scouring the online news for anywhere in the UK that was still above water. Our best bet was probably to swim to Windsor, and then try to get a boat down through the old land areas of Reading and Swindon then hope to beach somewhere in the mid-Cotswolds. Once there, we would have a chance of finding a friendly local tribe to give us safe passage back to our valley. But who might be running the valley now? While we'd been away in Asia the great waters had come, and old social orders had been reversed.

Nick Grimshaw will replace Chris Moyles in September

Moyles gives successor a surprise initiation into the madcap world of the breakfast show

Chris Moyles subjected his Radio 1 colleague Nick Grimshaw to the broadcasting equivalent of a public “debagging” today, as he gave his young successor an initiation into the madcap world of the breakfast show.

'We've still got it,' declares Ian Brown last night in Manchester

Stone Roses reunion gigs net £23m

The Stone Roses generated £23m for the Manchester economy by reuniting for a three-day musical extravaganza in their hometown, experts have estimated.

Conor Maynard’s debut single, ‘Can’t Say No’ hit the charts at No 2, displacing ‘Boyfriend’ by Justin Bieber

May day looming as British Bieber replaces real deal

He already has the doe-eyed good looks and an army of female fans called the Mayniacs. Now Conor Maynard can really be called "Britain's Justin Bieber" after the Brighton musical prodigy displaced the Canadian idol from the upper reaches of the chart with his debut single.

Conor Maynard’s debut single, ‘Can’t Say No’ hit the charts at No 2, displacing ‘Boyfriend’ by Justin Bieber

Conor Maynard: Britain's Justin Bieber? The YouTube star outselling a rival teen idol

You may never have heard of Conor Maynard, but his 'Mayniacs' have. Adam Sherwin on the singer hitting the big time – from his bedroom

Walker Greenbank tie-up is set to give Barbour a softer look

The tough Barbour jacket is to get a softer edge in a tie-up with the fabrics printer Walker Greenbank, which is to supply William Morris Arts & Crafts trims and linings for the brand.

YouTube and the modern road to stardom

Lana Del Rey is the latest, and fastest yet, internet sensation. But Elisa Bray wonders what's real in the social-media revolution

Lily Allen gets married – and reveals she's having a baby

Damien Hirst, Harry Enfield and Angus Deayton were among 100 guests at the ceremony

Isn't it time to bury the hatchet, Julie?

As the 'Independent' writer embarks on a new feud, Tom Peck finds out if the years have mellowed her other great enmities

'Sexy' videos targeted in crackdown

Music videos look set to be subjected to tighter regulation under the recommendations of an inquiry into the sexualisation and commercialisation of childhood.

Julie Burchill: A word of advice, Lily. Don't listen to what people like me say about you

They say it takes two to tango, but you can have a Twitter war all by yourself, as I found out this week when none other than the lovely Lily Allen came over all Bottish at some throwaway remark of mine in another newspaper comparing her unfavourably to Cheryl Cole. Yes, between baking cakes, milking publicity – sorry, cows – and making television documentaries/doing interviews about how she's turned her back on fame, Miss Antoinette – sorry, Allen – found the time to Twitter that I was, "an ignorant and bitter old troll... the amateur psychiatrist in me says sees a lot of her younger self in me, and she's a bit of a 'self-loather'." She also spelt my name wrong, and I can say hand on heart that that's the only thing that hurt. After all these years, dammit!

Hairdresser to the stars apologises for racist rant at Baftas

As the champagne glasses clinked and the cameras flashed, an outburst of racial abuse scythed through the party atmosphere at the Baftas in the most sudden and shocking manner.

Eliza Doolittle, Shepherd’s Bush Empire, London

Looking like a mermaid with her luscious brown locks over a cropped top and purple shorts with a netted tail that touches the floor, Camden- born 22-year-old Eliza Doolittle appears comfortable and quirky in the spotlight.

Album: Katy B, On A Mission (Rinse)

The latest Brit School alumnus to be saddled with the weight of unfair expectations, Katy B blends R&B vocals with the dubstep arrangements of Geeneus, Zinc and Magnetic Man to create a distinctive homegrown UK club sound.

Cooper Brown: Lily Allen

Great news re the Lesbian Sticker Lady. I spoke to Mulligan on the phone and he has agreed to come up to London for the time in his life and attempt to catch her. I’m not sure the ability to snare rabbits is quite what is needed to get this irritating battleaxe, but it will be fun to see Mulligan in London and he is bound to have a plan as he is very practical.

Culture Club: The Killing, BBC Four

Readers review this week's big TV series
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The ecological reconstruction of Ikrandraco avatar is shown in this illustration courtesy of Chuang Zhao. Scientists on September 11, 2014 announced the discovery of fossils in China of a type of flying reptile called a pterosaur that lived 120 millions years ago and so closely resembled those creatures from the 2009 film, Avatar that they named it after them.
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