We landed at Heathrow from Hong Kong at the very anti-social time of 4.30am. I'd been scouring the online news for anywhere in the UK that was still above water. Our best bet was probably to swim to Windsor, and then try to get a boat down through the old land areas of Reading and Swindon then hope to beach somewhere in the mid-Cotswolds. Once there, we would have a chance of finding a friendly local tribe to give us safe passage back to our valley. But who might be running the valley now? While we'd been away in Asia the great waters had come, and old social orders had been reversed.
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Deborah Ross: 'Toni Terry may well forgive John but then again she may well not,' said An Insider. Hey, can anyone have a guess?'
Saturday 27 February 2010
If you ask me, which you haven't done for a while now – where have you been? – it's about time we stopped taking "A Source" and "A Close Family Friend" quite so much for granted. These two work tirelessly across all the tabloids and celebrity gossip magazines and, without them, where on earth would we be? How would we keep up to speed on Madonna splitting up with her latest fella ("He felt he had nothing in common with her," said A Source) or how Peter feels about Jordan's re-marriage ("He hit the roof when he heard," said A Close Friend?). Where would we be? I mean, it's not like you can sit in an office and just invent this sort of thing between, say, marking up cellulite with big red arrows or putting a big black "X" on Lily Allen's outfit, is it? Don't you think these people have enough to do with their big red and black marker pens as it is? Don't you, even, think they need to get on with spotting Sarah from Girls Aloud eating a croissant outside a café in Primrose Hill?
Friday 26 February 2010
Lily Allen looks set to enjoy one of the shortest retirements in pop after announcing a festival appearance - just four months after her "final" gig.
Saturday 20 February 2010
Is there such a thing as a gay dinosaur? I only ask because of a distinct lack of logic in some of the arguments being advanced by David Cameron in the hope of becoming the next prime minister.
Friday 19 February 2010
Carola Long: Barbour jackets are having a revival thanks to the likes of Kings of Leon and Lily Allen
Saturday 16 January 2010
Although we're a nation obsessed with the weather, many of us Brits seemed surprisingly unprepared for the snow. I'm not talking lack of grit here, or a failure to stockpile Spam in case food supplies run low, but about being sartorially ill-equipped.
2020 vision: Lily Allen returns from obscurity to light up the longest-running music show in television history
Sunday 27 December 2009
I know, I know, you've hardly woken up after the King's Speech and you're still recovering from the Doctor Who Christmas Special (Florence Welch – the best doctor ever). But let's do a bit of time-travelling of our own, back across the past decade in the arts, way back to Copenhagen at the end of 2009. Remember the climate-change conference? If it yielded little else, at least it gave us David Hare's The Green Machine. His one-man, real-time, tour-de-force staging of the final 36 hours of the conference, playing 14 heads of state (with his quiff as his only prop), was performed once only, thank God, and has gone down in theatrical legend. Were you one of the seven people said to have stayed awake until the word-for-word recreation of the 4.30am treaty ratification? Bravo!
Wednesday 02 December 2009
Friday 13 November 2009
Prepare yourselves for the latest daughter of a familiar face trying her luck in the music world. Rosie Oddie, daughter of TV twitcher Bill, comes with a husky singing voice. Her first appearance came rather tentatively a couple of years back as Rosie Oddie and the Odd Squad. Her band has forged a denser, more complex sound than their previous ska-pop shtick. It better suits this former schoolmate of Peaches Geldof's gritty, rock'n'roll vocal, that nods more to Skunk Anansie than Lily Allen.
Monday 09 November 2009
Tuesday 03 November 2009
Molly is a teenage girl who likes Hannah Montana, Lily Allen and Pink (or so the covert investigator who plays her would like internet paedophiles to think)
Friday 30 October 2009
Tuesday 13 October 2009
Lily Allen accepted substantial undisclosed libel damages today over a claim that she made offensive remarks about the Beckhams and Ashley and Cheryl Cole.
Wednesday 23 September 2009
I want to make it clear that I'm not after a fight with the Featured Artists Coalition – I want us artists to stand together on this – but they've released a new statement which just doesn't make sense. The FAC seems to be viewing the Government's proposed legislation [on file-sharing] as an attack on freedom and liberty, but stealing's not really a human right, is it?
Monday 14 September 2009
Wednesday 26 August 2009
Have you ever wondered what Chesney Hawkes mixed with Coldplay would sound like? Or who would win in a battle of the Kates (Nash and Bush)? Or how the Pussycat Dolls might have turned out if they'd met at the end of the pier rather than in the Viper Room?
General Election 2015: Chuka Umunna on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband
The sickening truth about food banks that the Tories don't want you to know
Migrant boat disaster: Ukip candidate mocks victims in sickening Twitter post
Nigel Farage wants the BBC to stop making programmes like Doctor Who, Strictly Come Dancing, and Top Gear
Global warming: Scientists say temperatures could rise by 6C by 2100 and call for action ahead of UN meeting in Paris
General Election 2015: Britain would become a 'communist dictatorship' under Ed Miliband and Nicola Sturgeon, claims wife of Michael Gove
- 1 Woman 'suffocates newborn baby in plastic bag and puts it in her desk minutes after giving birth'
- 2 I've been called an abusive and dangerous parent, when all I did was listen to my transgender child
- 3 Company breaks open Apple Watch to discover what it says is 'planned obsolescence'
- 4 Teaching profession headed for crisis as numbers continue to drop and working lives become 'unbearable'
- 5 Chinese student carries disabled friend to school every day for three years