My eyes adjust to slodges of ochre, blue and beetroot streaks dancing on the hotel wall. No, this isn't the Worst Hangover Ever, it's an original artwork by local Frankfurt artist, Hartwig Ebersbach. Every one of the 218 rooms of the Jumeirah Hotel (00 49 69297 2370; jumeirah.com) at Thurn-und-Taxis-Platz 2, has one. It definitely beats waking up to breakfast news.
I head downstairs to meet my companions. At the Max on One dining room (00 49 69 297 237 198), where we order yoghurt with a generous swirl of honey, made by the 40,000 bees that reside on the Jumeirah's roof.
A few hours ago we were still out on our "Frankfurter Abend". We had started by slurping frosty glasses of Kulmbacher at Haus Wertheym (00 49 69 28 1432; haus-wertheym.de) at Fahrtor 1. Next, we'd crossed into Sachenhausen –Frankfurt's party district.
Outside Lorsbacher Thal (00 49 69 61 64 59; lorsbacher-thal.de), at Grosse Rittergasse 49, we had crammed our mouths with salted pork and Apfelwein – a dry, potent cider, served from an oversized jug.
This morning we decide to gorge ourselves on culture at the Museum für Moderne Kunst (00 49 69 212 37882; mmk-frankfurt.de) then stop for lunch in the café, which hosts different pop-ups throughout the year. At present, it's home to Peruggia and WEST (00 49 69 289007), which pays tribute to the Austrian artist Franz West and the Italian painter Vincenzo Peruggia, who stole the Mona Lisa from the Louvre in 1911.
Dessert is sourced from IIMORI Pâtisserie (00 49 69 977 682 47; iimori.de) at Braubachstrasse 24 – a Japanese-French fusion bakery and restaurant decked out in antique furniture. I order green-tea chiffon cake, rinsing it down with Kusmi Tea from St Petersburg. A couple of doors down, we greedily pluck marzipan and pure cocoa-butter chocolates from the shelves of Bitter & Zart (00 49 69 94 9428 46; www.bitterundzart.de) at Braubachstrasse 14.
We grab a couple of bottles of Frankfurter Lohrberger Hang Riesling 2011 and clamber up on to the sun deck of the Wappen von Frankfurt (0049 69 1338 37; primus-linie.de/en). Suddenly, we're cruising down the Main in glorious afternoon sunshine.
Disembarking, we set our sights on Bar Destino (00 49 69 24 240 888; destinobar.de) at Habsburgerallee 9 and order some light tapas. Shrimp salad, chicken skewers and sheep's cheese marinated with paprika and herbs arrive. As does round after round of drinks.
It's late now and I find myself pressing the doorbell of a house known locally as Die Rote Bar (00 49 69 29 3533; www.rotebar.com) at Mainkai 7. I'm answered by a sour-faced man in a cream tux, who eyes me up cautiously, closes the door in my face, reopens it and then ushers me in. But everything is not as seedy as it seems: Die Rote Bar is actually one of the city's coolest cocktail bars. We're led into a black-walled room and soon another po-faced man – this one in a black tux – is mixing us drinks, which we slurp while gazing out over the rippling Main. My cocktail of choice? A Mainhattan, naturally.
A Hedonist's Guide to ... (Hg2) is a luxury city guide series for the more decadent traveller. For more information, see hg2.com