The hotel janitor in Tunisia who didn't have us in stitches

Lorraine Kelly's old passport dates back to 1980 when she was a reporter on a local Scottish newspaper and won a holiday for two in Rio. She says: "I was doing this story about the British Heart Foundation and decided to raise funds for them. I had discos and jumble sales, but I also roller-skated from the heart of East Kilbride to the heart of Midlothian and took some pensioners to the seaside. There was a prize of a week in Rio for the person who raised money in the most ridiculous ways. I took my mum and it was great. The only thing I was uneasy about was that from one side of our hotel you could see the Copacabana beach where the girls were stunning and there was a lot of money. On the other side there were poor folk living under corrugated iron. I couldn't really get my head round that."

A 1988 stamp for Tunisia reminds Lorraine of the worst holiday she and husband Steve have had. "We went on a cheapo deal. We had food poisoning and it was ghastly. Steve had had an accident before we went, and needed some stitches from his eyebrow removed. We went to one of these big hotels with a medical centre, and this guy in a white coat took Steve's stitches out. When we went back the next day with food poisoning a different doctor was sitting there, all gorgeous in classy blue suit, and the guy in the white coat was sweeping the floor - he was the janitor!"

Holiday visits to doctors are routine. "Every time we go away we end up in casualty. Last year we were in Florida - we took our daughter Rosie to Disneyland. Steve got attacked by terrible beasts called 'no see ums' - horrible wee flea-like things - and had to have cortisone injections." A 1987 stamp for Thailand is a reminder of the time Steve banged his head on a boat. "He came out of hospital after having stitches, and I burst out laughing.They'd bandaged his head and tied the spare bandage into a bow, so he looked as though he had these stupid ears. It was hysterical!"

Lorraine's vaccination record shows that she was vaccinated against cholera, polio, yellow fever and tetanus in 1987, when she was being sent abroad to report for TV-AM. Her passport shows she only went to America, but TV-AM liked their employees to be prepared.

ROSANNA GREENSTREET

Lorraine Kelly presents 'Nine O'Clock Live' and 'Friday Live' for GMTV, and 'The Lorraine Kelly Show' on National Talk Radio, midday-2pm on weekdays

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