Cooper Brown: Horny Guys

I’m back in town. I have become quite a “man of the moment”after my diary on Monday about chicks. I have been asked to go on Loose Women, a TV show where five angry old chicks ritually humiliate younger men guests. I told them that I didn’t want to be on the show and they laid into me and called me “gutless.”

If we had a TV show called “Horny Guys”in which five guys drank beer and invited women on to leer and laugh at them... (hang on, that’s a genius idea, Channel Five… I’m coming to you with this). I thought Victoria would be pissed with me over this furore but actually she seems to find me more than usually attractive right now. She “favoured”me twice in one day when we were out and about. One time we used the same closet in Nobu that Boris Becker used. Nice as this was she smells weird right now as she is doing these weird facials made from nightingale shit.

They cost her like two hundred pounds a shot and she says that it’s what the Japanese have been using for years. Most Japanese I know have more lines than a page of A4 so I don’t know what she’s on about. Still, she used to use this bull’s semen for a hair product... so in a sense, it’s progress. Claudia Schiffer news!!!! She said “hi”to me at the school gate today. It looks like Claudia at least likes her men to be opinionated. I didn’t react too much – wanted to play it cool – but I was screaming on the inside. I took a picture of her with my Blackberry for my friend in the US and I don’t think she saw. Cooper Out.

Twitter - @icooperbrown