Cooper Brown: Lily Allen

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The Independent Online

Great news re the Lesbian Sticker Lady. I spoke to Mulligan on the phone and he has agreed to come up to London for the time in his life and attempt to catch her. I’m not sure the ability to snare rabbits is quite what is needed to get this irritating battleaxe, but it will be fun to see Mulligan in London and he is bound to have a plan as he is very practical.

The problem is where he should stay. I’m still in the Groucho as the Cooperdome is being repaired following our very own minitsunami. I suggest to Victoriamaybe she could put him up in her spare room but this crosses some invisible line between friends and “help”. I never consider Mulligan to be staff – he is more like a local character who has become a friend. I briefly entertain the idea of putting him up at the Groucho but realise that this would be a complete sensory overload and he’d probably end up married to Lily Allen (and then downgraded to her gamekeeper after she got bored). Speaking of which, what on earth is going on with Lily Allen?

I have an unhealthy crush on her and she stops doing music to run a dress shop. That sounds more like a nervous breakdown than a career move. What is it with pop stars when they start looking at “normal”life in the same way as we look at stardom? Normal life is rubbish. That’swhy we want to be stars – or read about them in the glossies. I bet she is already going over in her pretty head how she can release another album without looking stupid. You heard it here first. Cooper Out.

Twitter- @icooperbrown

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