Dom Joly: A celebrity flip-flop: now my collection is complete

Share
Related Topics

I think my little boy Jackson is influenced by all the wrong role models. First it was the Tellytubbies, and he started making annoying nonsensical noises. Then it was the Power Rangers and he started to get quite violent – throwing shapes around the place and karate-chopping me when I was watching TV. Now it's gone one worse – he seems to be under the influence of Matthew McConaughyee, Maconahayee, Mcconahauhie... Mahogany – Matthew Mahogany, the Texan actor most famous for never wearing a shirt and nude bongo-playing sessions. Jackson has taken the Mahogany ethos to heart – he spends the days permanently nude wandering around our lakeside cottage deep in the heart of Ontario. Often he'll wander through the woods and down to the dock where he'll loll about naked and wave to passing boats.

He'll probably have to leave here soon and pop down to Los Angeles for a week or so to make a crappy comedy movie to get some more money. He will need some not to buy any new clothes.

As it so happens I actually ran into Matthew Mahogany recently. If only I'd known that he'd be such an influence on my son, I'd have had a word. Actually, it might not have sunk in – he was in quite a confused state. I was in Nicaragua filming a TV show and we had taken a day off from climbing volcanoes and zip lining into volcanoes and skiing down volcanoes... to be honest, I'd had my fill of volcanoes. Anyway, so we take a day off and head for San Juan Del Sur – a gorgeous little beach resort on the Pacific coast just north of the Costa Rican border.

We check into our hotel and then head off down to the beach for a spot of supper. We're sitting in a lovely seaside restaurant and I've just ordered a ceviche and a nice bottle of Chilean wine – all is well in the world. Then I notice a guy on the beach. He is shirtless, has one of those torches you wear on your head and he's stumbling around looking for his flip-flop. He's pretty drunk and has quite a lot of trouble standing up. He eventually gives up on his quest and staggers towards our table. He tries to slip past us but doesn't succeed and smashes into us sending everything flying. Matthew Mahogany (for it is he) mumbles an attempt at an apology and stumbles on out of the restaurant narrowly avoiding being hit by an oncoming motorcycle. The irony of the situation is that a British couple sitting nearby look over to where the commotion is and recognise me. They come over and say hello and how surprised they are to see me here. I tell them that they've just missed a far bigger fish – but they don't believe me – it's the problem with being a prankster: all my best stories are ignored.

It turns out that there are clips of Mahogany on YouTube from further antics that night that ended with a couple of locals giving him a lift home and stealing his mobile and a couple of thousand dollars. Bugger, I could have used that cash... expect a new comedy-lite movie from him very soon.

I did find his flip-flop – it was on the beach not very far from where we were sitting and I came across it the next morning on a walk. I brought it home and it now joins my other motley collection of celebrity bric-a-brac – a signed plastic turd by Gilbert and George, a drawing of two rabbits having sex by Damien Hirst and a paper plate that Marianne Faithfull ate some trifle off. I might curate an exhibition soon. I'll obviously invite the family – it'll be fun. There will be a strict dress code – or in my son Jackson's case, he'll just have to get dressed. Nudity is fine when cottaging, but not in the big city.

React Now

  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Cancer Research UK: Corporate Partnerships Volunteer Events Coordinator – London

Voluntary: Cancer Research UK: We’re looking for someone to support our award ...

Ashdown Group: Head of IT - Hertfordshire - £90,000

£70000 - £90000 per annum + bonus + car allowance + benefits: Ashdown Group: H...

Ashdown Group: Application Support Analyst - SQL Server, T-SQL

£28000 - £32000 per annum + Excellent benefits: Ashdown Group: Application Sup...

Ashdown Group: Systems Analyst / Data Analyst (SQL Server, T-SQL, data)

£28000 - £32000 per annum + Excellent benefits: Ashdown Group: Systems Analyst...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Errors & Omissions: Outgunned by a lack of military knowledge

Guy Keleny
Ukip leader Nigel Farage in Tiny Tim’s tea shop while canvassing in Rochester this week  

General Election 2015: What on earth happened to Ukip?

Matthew Norman
Major medical journal Lancet under attack for 'extremist hate propaganda' over its coverage of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict

Lancet accused of 'anti-Israel hate propaganda' over coverage of Gaza conflict

Threat to free speech as publishers of renowned medical journal are accused of inciting hatred and violence
General Election 2015: Tories and Lib Dems throw their star names west to grab votes

All noisy on the Lib Dems' western front

The party has deployed its big guns in Cornwall to save its seats there. Simon Usborne heads to the heart of the battle
How Etsy became a crafty little earner: The online market has been floated for £1.2bn, but can craft and capitalism coexist?

How Etsy became a crafty little earner

The online market has been floated for £1.2bn, but can craft and capitalism coexist?
Guy Ritchie is the latest filmmaker to tackle King Arthur - one of our most versatile heroes

King Arthur is inspiring Guy Ritchie

Raluca Radulescu explains why his many permutations - from folk hero to chick-lit hunk - never cease to fascinate
Apple Watch: Will it live up to expectations for the man or woman on the street?

Apple Watch: Will it live up to expectations?

The Apple Watch has apparently sold millions even before its launch tomorrow
Don't fear the artichoke: it's a good cook's staple, with more choice than you'd think

Don't fear the artichoke

Artichokes are scary - they've got spikes and hairy bits, and British cooks tend to give them a wide berth. But they're an essential and delicious part of Italian cuisine
11 best men's socks

11 best men's socks

Make a statement with your accessories, starting from the bottom up
Paul Scholes column: Eden Hazard would be my Player of the Year – but I wonder if he has that appetite for goals of Messi or Ronaldo

Paul Scholes column

Hazard would be my Player of the Year – but I wonder if he has that appetite for goals of Messi or Ronaldo
Frank Warren: Tyson Fury will be closely watching Wladimir Klitschko... when he wins it'll be time to do a deal

Frank Warren's Ringside

Tyson Fury will be closely watching Wladimir Klitschko... when he wins it'll be time to do a deal
London Marathon 2015: Kenya's brothers in arms Wilson Kipsang and Dennis Kimetto ready to take on world

Kenya's brothers in arms take on world

Last year Wilson Kipsang had his marathon record taken off him by training partner and friend Dennis Kimetto. They talk about facing off in the London Marathon
Natalie Bennett interview: I've lost track of the last time I saw my Dad but it's not because I refuse to fly

Natalie Bennett interview: I've lost track of the last time I saw my Dad

Green leader prefers to stay clear of her 'painful' family memories but is more open about 'utterly unreasonable' personal attacks
Syria conflict: Khorasan return with a fresh influx of fighters awaiting the order to start 'shooting the birds'

Khorasan is back in Syria

America said these al-Qaeda militants were bombed out of the country last year - but Kim Sengupta hears a different story
General Election 2015: Is William Cash the man to woo Warwickshire North for Ukip?

On the campaign trail with Ukip

Is William Cash the man to woo Warwickshire North?
Four rival Robin Hood movies get Hollywood go-head - and Friar Tuck will become a superhero

Expect a rush on men's tights

Studios line up four Robin Hoods productions
Peter Kay's Car Share: BBC show is the comedian's first TV sitcom in a decade

In the driving seat: Peter Kay

Car Share is the comedian's first TV sitcom in a decade. The programme's co-creator Paul Coleman reveals the challenges of getting the show on the road