Dom Joly: A celebrity flip-flop: now my collection is complete

Share
Related Topics

I think my little boy Jackson is influenced by all the wrong role models. First it was the Tellytubbies, and he started making annoying nonsensical noises. Then it was the Power Rangers and he started to get quite violent – throwing shapes around the place and karate-chopping me when I was watching TV. Now it's gone one worse – he seems to be under the influence of Matthew McConaughyee, Maconahayee, Mcconahauhie... Mahogany – Matthew Mahogany, the Texan actor most famous for never wearing a shirt and nude bongo-playing sessions. Jackson has taken the Mahogany ethos to heart – he spends the days permanently nude wandering around our lakeside cottage deep in the heart of Ontario. Often he'll wander through the woods and down to the dock where he'll loll about naked and wave to passing boats.

He'll probably have to leave here soon and pop down to Los Angeles for a week or so to make a crappy comedy movie to get some more money. He will need some not to buy any new clothes.

As it so happens I actually ran into Matthew Mahogany recently. If only I'd known that he'd be such an influence on my son, I'd have had a word. Actually, it might not have sunk in – he was in quite a confused state. I was in Nicaragua filming a TV show and we had taken a day off from climbing volcanoes and zip lining into volcanoes and skiing down volcanoes... to be honest, I'd had my fill of volcanoes. Anyway, so we take a day off and head for San Juan Del Sur – a gorgeous little beach resort on the Pacific coast just north of the Costa Rican border.

We check into our hotel and then head off down to the beach for a spot of supper. We're sitting in a lovely seaside restaurant and I've just ordered a ceviche and a nice bottle of Chilean wine – all is well in the world. Then I notice a guy on the beach. He is shirtless, has one of those torches you wear on your head and he's stumbling around looking for his flip-flop. He's pretty drunk and has quite a lot of trouble standing up. He eventually gives up on his quest and staggers towards our table. He tries to slip past us but doesn't succeed and smashes into us sending everything flying. Matthew Mahogany (for it is he) mumbles an attempt at an apology and stumbles on out of the restaurant narrowly avoiding being hit by an oncoming motorcycle. The irony of the situation is that a British couple sitting nearby look over to where the commotion is and recognise me. They come over and say hello and how surprised they are to see me here. I tell them that they've just missed a far bigger fish – but they don't believe me – it's the problem with being a prankster: all my best stories are ignored.

It turns out that there are clips of Mahogany on YouTube from further antics that night that ended with a couple of locals giving him a lift home and stealing his mobile and a couple of thousand dollars. Bugger, I could have used that cash... expect a new comedy-lite movie from him very soon.

I did find his flip-flop – it was on the beach not very far from where we were sitting and I came across it the next morning on a walk. I brought it home and it now joins my other motley collection of celebrity bric-a-brac – a signed plastic turd by Gilbert and George, a drawing of two rabbits having sex by Damien Hirst and a paper plate that Marianne Faithfull ate some trifle off. I might curate an exhibition soon. I'll obviously invite the family – it'll be fun. There will be a strict dress code – or in my son Jackson's case, he'll just have to get dressed. Nudity is fine when cottaging, but not in the big city.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Pharmaceutical Computer System Validation Specialist

£300 - £350 Per Day: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Pharmaceutical Computer ...

High Level Teaching Assistant (HTLA)

£70 - £90 per day: Randstad Education Birmingham: Higher Level Teaching Assist...

Teaching Assistant

£50 - £80 per day: Randstad Education Birmingham: Randstad Education is the UK...

Senior Java Developer - API's / Webservices - XML, XSLT

£400 - £450 Per Day: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: Our client is currently ...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

i Editor's Letter: Take a moment to imagine you're Ed Miliband...

Oliver Duff Oliver Duff
 

Letters: No vote poses difficult questions – so why rush?

Independent Voices
Secret politics of the weekly shop

The politics of the weekly shop

New app reveals political leanings of food companies
Beam me up, Scottie!

Beam me up, Scottie!

Celebrity Trekkies from Alex Salmond to Barack Obama
Beware Wet Paint: The ICA's latest ambitious exhibition

Beware Wet Paint

The ICA's latest ambitious exhibition
Pink Floyd have produced some of rock's greatest ever album covers

Pink Floyd have produced some of rock's greatest ever album covers

Can 'The Endless River' carry on the tradition?
Sanctuary for the suicidal

Sanctuary for the suicidal

One mother's story of how London charity Maytree helped her son with his depression
A roller-coaster tale from the 'voice of a generation'

Not That Kind of Girl:

A roller-coaster tale from 'voice of a generation' Lena Dunham
London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice. In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence

London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice

In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence
Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with Malcolm McLaren

Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with McLaren

Designer 'felt pressured' into going out with Sex Pistols manager
Jourdan Dunn: Model mother

Model mother

Jordan Dunn became one of the best-paid models in the world
Apple still coolest brand – despite U2 PR disaster

Apple still the coolest brand

Despite PR disaster of free U2 album
Scottish referendum: The Yes vote was the love that dared speak its name, but it was not to be

Despite the result, this is the end of the status quo

Boyd Tonkin on the fall-out from the Scottish referendum
Manolo Blahnik: The high priest of heels talks flats, Englishness, and why he loves Mary Beard

Manolo Blahnik: Flats, Englishness, and Mary Beard

The shoe designer who has been dubbed 'the patron saint of the stiletto'
The Beatles biographer reveals exclusive original manuscripts of some of the best pop songs ever written

Scrambled eggs and LSD

Behind The Beatles' lyrics - thanks to Hunter Davis's original manuscript copies
'Normcore' fashion: Blending in is the new standing out in latest catwalk non-trend

'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

Just when fashion was in grave danger of running out of trends, it only went and invented the non-trend. Rebecca Gonsalves investigates
Dance’s new leading ladies fight back: How female vocalists are now writing their own hits

New leading ladies of dance fight back

How female vocalists are now writing their own hits