It's the way they spell 'em

'The people who ran the Haçienda nightclub put a cedilla on the C. But the word never has a cedilla! There's no cedilla at all in Spanish!'

I am glad to welcome back the celebrated lexicographer and etymologist Dr Wordsmith, who is here yet again to answer all your queries about the modern workings of the English language. Take it away, Doc!

Dear Dr Wordsmith, I am puzzled by the frequency of the phrase "drug abuse".

Dr Wordsmith writes: And why, pray?

Dear Dr Wordsmith, Because we never hear the phrase "drug use". It's always "drug abuse", as if any use of a drug were an abuse. But surely if a drug can be abused, there must also be some proper uses of a drug, must there not?

Dr Wordsmith writes: I think you may have a good point there. Come to think of it, we also talk about "child abuse", as if there were such a thing as "child use". Though I have to say I can think of very few uses for children, ever since they outlawed "child labour" and it became illegal to send children up chimneys. Perhaps when they are thinking of rebranding "New Labour" they may think of calling it "Child Labour"... Next!

Dear Dr Wordsmith, The other day I heard someone on Radio 4 refer to the famous American broadcaster and oral historian Studs Terkel as "Studs TerKELL", with the stress on the last syllable, whereas everyone knows who has ever referred to him that he is Studs "TERKell". How can the BBC get something so wrong?

Dr Wordsmith writes: I suspect the fault can be laid at the feet of the Northumbrian piper, Katherine Tickell, who insists on her name being pronounced "TicKELL". This, presumably, is to avoid going through life being called "Katherine TICKle"; by analogy, the mistaken "TerKELL".

Dear Dr Wordsmith, What about Sir Crispin Tickell?

Dr Wordsmith writes: What about him?

Dear Dr Wordsmith, Well, he pronounces his name "TicKELL" just as much as Katherine does. Why blame her and not him?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Oh, for heaven's sake, yes, very well, OK, it's Sir Crispin's fault as well! Do we have another topic, for the love of Mike?

Dear Dr Wordsmith, No, can I just stick with this a moment longer? Have you considered the theory that a name like Terkel can be pronounced one way on one side of the Atlantic and another the other? And that both can be correct?

Dr Wordsmith writes: If you can give me one example, I'll consider it.

Dear Dr Wordsmith, OK. Here we pronounce Caribbean as "CaribbEAN", but over there they say "CarIBBean".

Dr Wordsmith writes: Hmmm... OK, if you can give me another example, I'll consider it.

Dear Dr Wordsmith, OK. The great jazz trumpeter Louis Armstrong is always referred to here as "Lou-ee" Armstrong, in the French style. But the Americans refer to him as if it were written and pronounced "Lewis". So who is right?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Both.

Dear Dr Wordsmith, BOTH!? Is it possible for two different pronunciations or spellings BOTH to be right?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Sure thing. Think of "gaol" and "jail". Think of "all right" and "alright". Think of the people who pronounce "either" as "eether" and those who say "either". Think of...

Dear Dr Wordsmith, Enough, already! But what about a usage that is patently wrong being accepted as right?

Dr Wordsmith writes: I'm not sure I'm with you.

Dear Dr Wordsmith, Well, there was a famous club in Manchester called the Haçienda, which has recently become famous all over again with this film with Steve Coogan called "The 24 Hour Party" or something – anyway, the people who ran the Haçienda decided to put a cedilla sign under the C. So now it is always spelled "Haçienda". But the word "hacienda" never has a cedilla! In fact, there is no cedilla at all in Spanish! So it couldn't have one! And yet it always has one. So is it right or wrong?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Well, now, that's rather like asking if it's correct to say "Saint Tropez" sounding a Z on the end, as we do, or just "San Tropay" as the French do.

Dear Dr Wordsmith, Oh, come now, that's outrageous! It's not a parallel at all! And in any case, why should we say "San Tropay" when we could just as easily pronounce "Saint" as "Saint"? Surely we have to put our foot down sooner or later and say one is right and one is wrong!

Dr Wordsmith writes: Not necessarily, you odious toad.

More of these instructively explosive exchanges in tomorrow's lesson!