Language's last taboo

'It's silly to correct mispronunciation, because the way people say things is the correct way to say them, even when it is wrong'

Dr Wordsmith, our perpetual expert on the English language, who spends most of his waking hours on licensed premises listening to people talk and making notes, is here again today to answer all your questions about the way she is spoke today. All yours, Doc!

Dear Dr Wordsmith, I want to raise the subject of linguistic taboos. Recently on BBC Radio 4's 'Feedback' programme, which fields complaints about radio, several listeners were aghast that some news correspondent on Radio 4 had used the expression "crapping on..." to mean "doing the dirty on someone". "I never expected to hear language like this on the BBC... I was totally shocked, etc etc..."

Well, apart from wondering where these people have been all their lives, I also wonder how much they listen to the radio, because in the past week I have heard the same word used several times on Radio 4, notably on 'Front Row' during an arts discussion and also on the dear old 'Archers', where the character called Roy Tucker was making an angry phone call to someone and told him to "cut the crap". Obviously Radio 4 is more broad-minded than its listeners, but I wonder where you stand on verbal taboos. Should they exist? Are there any barriers? Are there words that remain for ever beyond the pale?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Yes, well, you might think that to a man who works with words (I refer to myself) all things are fair game. That all words are exhibits in the great art show of life. That no word is beyond the pale, until it dies. And certainly it is a long time since I was shocked by any of those things known as four-letter words. When I hear profanities or obscenities, I write them down in a scientific spirit, and am quite unmoved by them.

And yet I do have taboos. There are certain words that shock me deeply. One of them is "iconic". It is a word that leaps so easily to the lips of a lazy art critic or pundit that it has become debased currency and now means "quite important, really". Other words that make me feel ill include "formulaic", "retro", "high profile" and "cutting edge". Oh, and one pronunciation: so many people mispronounce "machismo" as "mackismo" that sometimes I am driven mad and have to correct them. Which is silly, because the way people say things is the correct way to say them, even when it is wrong.

The final word on taboos was pronounced by a friend of mine who said to me once: "Never forget that there is only one sexual act that is taboo in pornography, and that is the kiss."

Dear Dr Wordsmith, Sometimes while watching cartoons on TV one picks up really good ideas that are thrown away in one-liners. There was an episode of 'The Simpsons' the other day in which Homer was accused of being Oedipal, and he didn't know what the word meant, so Lisa said that Oedipus was a man who killed his father and married his mother, and Homer said, "That's ridiculous! Who would pay for the wedding?"

Dr Wordsmith writes: That's very good. Somewhat Jewish, too. It's not a question, though.

Dear Dr Wordsmith, No, I know. I really wanted to quote another 'Simpsons' episode set in Brazil, in which one of the characters looked into a tree and said: "Look! A Brazil nut!" and a Brazilian character said, "Well, here we call them 'nuts'." And I thought that was quite a profound statement about language, don't you?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Excellent. You also find when you go to Scotland that if you go into a bar and ask for a Scotch, which I used to do a lot, nobody knows what you are talking about. They call it "whisky". Why should they call it Scotch? I also remember once going into a place in New York and being offered an "English muffin".

Dear Dr Wordsmith, And was it anything like a muffin back home in England?

Dr Wordsmith writes: I've no idea. I've never seen a muffin in England. Maybe they exist only in America.

Dear Dr Wordsmith, So what do they call a "Mexican wave" in Mexico?

Dr Wordsmith writes: Look, mate, they don't even call Mexico "Mexico" in Mexico. They call it "Mejico".

That's all we have time for from Dr Wordsmith today. But keep those queries rolling in!