Miles Kington Remembered: Dietary supplements that work ... or I'll eat my own words

The slower we eat, the less food we ingest. Simple as that. With my system you can eat as much as you like – or could, if only you had the time for it

2 October 2002 There are so many diet books these days you can get thin and anxious just fighting your way through them. How is the average person expected to know whether it's better to eat fat and get thin, or eat grapefruit and get thin, or eat a lot and do lots of marathons and get thin, or...?

Well, worry no more. Our experts have sorted out the six best diet books in print, and we bring you the whole lot today. So if you try one of these, and it's not right for you, you'll have the comfort of knowing that there are still another five to work your way through!

The Water Diet Book, by Dr Arnold Struther

"We eat too much because we feel hungry," says Dr Struther in his introduction. "It's as simple as that. But if you drink lots of water, not only does it do you good, it makes you feel full. Therefore you eat less. Therefore you get thinner." The book contains over 200 delicious recipes featuring water, with many hints on how to sweat.

The 'Sugar and Sweet Makes you Petite' Diet System, by Dr Janet Crannog

"We eat too much because our blood-sugar level gets too low and we feel hungry," says Dr Janet Crannog in her foreword. "It's as simple as that. Get your blood-sugar level up and you won't need to eat so much. And the easiest way is eating all the sweet things you need." The book contains many mouth-watering ideas for doughnut fillings.

Eat Slow, Get Thin!, by Walter Arndale

"The reason we get fat is not that we eat fast food, but that we eat fast food too quickly!" says Walter (not Dr) Arndale in his prologue. "The whole secret is in eating our normal intake, but a lot more slowly. Why? Because the slower we eat, the less food we can ingest. It's as simple as that! With my system you can eat as much as you like – or you could, if only you had time for it! Incidentally, I make no apology for not being a doctor. What makes you think all these other diet people are genuine doctors? They're probably all doctors of archaeology, anyway."

The book contains no recipes, but suggests some much more time-consuming ways of doing your own favourite ones.

The Ice-cream Way To Slimness, by Dr Finbar Casebook

"The reason we get fat is that we don't know when to stop a meal," says Dr Casebook. "We have eaten enough by the time we have finished the main course. And then we make the mistake of asking for a pudding. So, of course, we get fat! It's as simple as that!"

Dr Casebook's solution? To keep to the puddings and drop all the other courses! He reckons you can get all the nutrition you need from a cross-section of ice creams, and in this book you will find over 200 recipes for everything from roast-beef ice cream to monkfish sorbet.

The Vodka Slimming Method, by Dr Ivan Stroganoff

"If you drink enough vodka, you forget to eat," writes Dr Stroganoff. "If you forget to eat, you get lovely and slim. It's as simple as that. OK, you will also get drunk and forget to go to work and lose your job and family, but you can't have everything."

The book contains more than 200 ideas for flavouring vodka. Many of them are identical, but one gets the feeling the book was not compiled under conditions of absolute sobriety.

The Nigella Lawson Love Guide to Slimness, by Dr Reg Varicose

"The quickest way to lose weight is to pine away," writes Dr Varicose. "The quickest way to pine away is to be hopelessly in love. In his book you will find 200 sultry and voluptuous pictures of Nigella Lawson. You will fall head over heels with her. You will miss meals and go thin with unrequited passion. God, I know I did. Oh, Nigella, Nigella, why did you never answer my letters?"

Also recommended: The Cornish Pasty and Clotted Cream Diet Book, The Jeffrey Archer Day Out Lunch Plan, The Michael Barrymore Sniff'n'Slim Method, etc etc.

A memorial service for Miles Kington will be held at 3pm at St Martin-in-the-Fields, Trafalgar Square, London W1 on 25 June, doors to open at 2.30pm. Please email r.urban@independent.co.uk if you would like to attend