Miles Kington: Still wondering what Materazzi really said to Zidane?

'If you were a terrorist, everyone would be quite safe, for you cannot hit anything you aim at...'
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The Independent Online

Nobody seems quite sure what the terrible thing was that Materazzi said to Zidane in the World Cup final, so terrible that Zidane lost his rag and butted him to the ground. Some say he had called Zidane an Arab terrorist. Others say he had called Zidane's sister a whore...

But many players say that both insults are most unlikely to have been involved, as neither of them figures in the Top 40 Footballing Insults of 2005.

Do you know about these?

This was a list drawn up last year by the professional players of Europe, when they were asked to vote for the most offensive remarks currently uttered on the field of play.

I am grateful to them to let me reprint the list of those Top 40 Insults today.

1. Your mother is a whore.

2. Your mother is a whore, who prefers to frequent with cross-eyed men.

3. Your mother is a whore, who prefers to frequent with cross-eyed men, one of whom is your father.

4. Your mother is a whore, who prefers to frequent with cross-eyed men, one of whom is your father, which explains why you are incapable of taking a corner without kicking it straight into our goalkeeper's arms.

5. And this man, your father, was also a bald, old man.

6. And your mother could not play for Wolverhampton Wanderers.

7. Your mother could not get a trial for Wolverhampton Wanderers.

8. There is no player playing for Wolverhampton Wanderers who would look twice at your mother.

9. If your mother were an economic analyst, I think she would agree with me that you are destined to slide down the professional greasy pole the way you are playing and end up with Wolverhampton Wanderers reserves.

10. Having dealt with your mother, may we now move on to your sister?

11. Your sister is not a whore.

12. I admit that.

13. Who could bear to look at her, let alone touch her?

14. We now move on to your brother.

15. Who is gay.

16. Nothing wrong with that.

17. I have no quarrel with anyone's sexual orientation.

18. No problem with having a gay brother.

19. In fact, I am sure he is good at football.

20. Certainly better than you.

21. Like many gay people, I bet he is a good dancer.

22. Whereas your footwork reminds me of Laurel and Hardy.

23. Allah is great, but you are pathetic.

24. The Pope is a German and would take better penalties than you can.

25. If you were a terrorist, everyone would be quite safe, for you cannot hit anything you aim at.

26. You could not even get Wayne Rooney sent off.

27. My god could beat your god with one hand tied behind his back.

28. My god could nutmeg your god.

29. Go and play for Roman Abramovich.

30. Go and play with Roman Abramovich for no money.

31. Go and play with Sven Goran Eriksson, for he is very fond of young inexperienced footballers whom nobody has ever heard of and who never make the first team.

32. Go and manage Portsmouth.

33. Go and beat the Germans on penalties.

34. Go home to Italy and be put in prison.

35. Go home to Trinidad and be forgotten.

36. Go home to Steve McClaren and weep.

37. Go back 10 yards.

38. Go back to kindergarten.

39. Go back to mummy.

40. Your mother is a whore... (Back to beginning and start again.)

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