Tales from the Water Cooler: Even sinning ain't what it used to be


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The Independent Online

Your moral compass may be a little off-kilter this week, due to our annual Yuletide willingness to explore the seven deadly sins.

Lust, of course, would have been triggered by the milfy meanderings of Susanna Reid on Strictly. Gluttony, greed and sloth likely seized you before, during and after Christmas lunch. Wrath possibly surfaced at 3pm, when that Queen woman opened her gob. Envy and pride? Around 10.30pm on New Year’s Eve, as you sadly don your jammies, you may feel jealous of those exuberant youngsters bouncing in fountains, gargling vodka and puffing the skunk. But, when you wake up headache-free on  1 January, I guarantee you’ll feel nothing but virtuous pride.

So, given all this sinning, you’ll forgive me if I admit to feeling sad that bank robberies are apparently now a thing of the past. The British Bankers Association has released figures that confirm just 66 bank robberies in 2011, compared to 847 in 1992. Echoing the demise of High Street businesses, villains would now rather stay at home and empty your bank account without having to take their slippers off.