Rhodri Marsden: Love is all you need... apart from a devil-may-care attitude to lists

Life on Marsden

Related Topics

A friend of mine came to me for romantic advice last week, presumably because all other avenues of assistance – prayer, palmistry, Yahoo Answers – had been explored. She was concerned that her administrative efficiency was putting off a gentleman she liked. "I'll give him a selection of times to choose from for our next date," she said, "but he won't reply for a couple of days. It's infuriating." I could sympathise. My life also hangs on a framework of spreadsheets and forward planners and I'm aware that these rank in the sexiness stakes alongside wicker, paint-stripping and streptococcal pharyngitis.

I find businesslike attitudes and streamlined organisation to be deeply alluring, but you can't admit to this any more than you'd confess to a dogmuck fetish. Take a glance at any internet dating website, and you'll see that we inhabit a world where snowboarding prowess is valued way above efficient list-making. No-one says on their profile that they put aside a little money each month in case of unforeseen expenses. No, they say that they like to make love on the beach at midnight instead. Yeah, and what happens when you get fined for outraging public decency? Eh?

I remember being confused as a young man when my first long-term girlfriend wistfully recalled her previous relationship with a philosophy graduate, where they'd blow their dole cheques on highish living for 48 hours and then subsist for the rest of the fortnight on mashed potato. "That was a bit stupid, wasn't it?" I asked her, but got no reply, because she was still wistfully recalling it.

That kind of behaviour is considered romantic, you see, while careful rationing is deemed dull. But listen, I beg you, because a relationship with an admin ninja doesn't necessarily mean rigorous audits, lengthy planning meetings and dockets to be filled out in triplicate. We can be spontaneous! Come away with me on a yacht to Sorrento! I've done the sums to make sure it's financially viable – and look, I've put together this schedule for the month and had it laminated.

But people don't like that.

Those of us who suffer from administrative proficiency would thus be advised to keep it quiet from a partner. Don't let on that you know what's going on. Feign insouciant indifference to details you've secretly pored over. And for God's sake don't plot your sexual activity on a scattergraph.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Online Sales and Customer Services Executive

£15000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An On-line Sales & Customer Ser...

Recruitment Genius: Accounts Assistant - Fixed Term Contract - 6 Months

£15000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: One of the largest hospitality companies...

Recruitment Genius: Electricians - Fixed Wire Testing

£28000 - £32000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: As a result of significant cont...

Recruitment Genius: Customer Service Advisor

£16575 - £19000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An excellent opportunity is ava...

Day In a Page

Read Next
A police officer carries a casualty to safety  

Tunisia attack proves that we cannot stop terrorists carrying out operations against Britons in Muslim countries

Robert Verkaik
Alan Titchmarsh MP?  

Alan Titchmarsh MP? His independent manifesto gets my vote

Jane Merrick
Seifeddine Rezgui: What motivated a shy student to kill 38 holidaymakers in Tunisia?

Making of a killer

What motivated a shy student to kill 38 holidaymakers in Tunisia?
UK Heatwave: Temperatures on the tube are going to exceed the legal limit for transporting cattle

Just when you thought your commute couldn't get any worse...

Heatwave will see temperatures on the Tube exceed legal limit for transporting cattle
Exclusive - The Real Stories of Migrant Britain: Swapping Bucharest for London

The Real Stories of Migrant Britain

Meet the man who swapped Romania for the UK in a bid to provide for his family, only to discover that the home he left behind wasn't quite what it seemed
Ajmer: The ancient Indian metropolis chosen to be a 'smart city' where residents would just be happy to have power and running water

Residents just want water and power in a city chosen to be a ‘smart’ metropolis

The Indian Government has launched an ambitious plan to transform 100 of its crumbling cities
Michael Fassbender in 'Macbeth': The Scottish play on film, from Welles to Cheggers

Something wicked?

Films of Macbeth don’t always end well - just ask Orson Welles... and Keith Chegwin
10 best sun creams for body

10 best sun creams for body

Make sure you’re protected from head to toe in the heatwave
Women's World Cup 2015: How England's semi-final success could do wonders for both sexes

There is more than a shiny trophy to be won by England’s World Cup women

The success of the decidedly non-famous females wearing the Three Lions could do wonders for a ‘man’s game’ riddled with excess, cynicism and greed
How to stop an asteroid hitting Earth: Would people co-operate to face down a global peril?

How to stop an asteroid hitting Earth

Would people cooperate to face a global peril?
Just one day to find €1.6bn: Greece edges nearer euro exit

One day to find €1.6bn

Greece is edging inexorably towards an exit from the euro
New 'Iron Man' augmented reality technology could help surgeons and firefighters, say scientists

'Iron Man' augmented reality technology could become reality

Holographic projections would provide extra information on objects in a person's visual field in real time
Sugary drinks 'are killing 184,000 adults around the world every year'

Sugary drinks are killing 184,000 adults around the world every year

The drinks that should be eliminated from people's diets
Pride of Place: Historians map out untold LGBT histories of locations throughout UK

Historians map out untold LGBT histories

Public are being asked to help improve the map
Lionel, Patti, Burt and The Who rock Glasto

Lionel, Patti, Burt and The Who rock Glasto

This was the year of 24-carat Golden Oldies
Paris Fashion Week

Paris Fashion Week

Thom Browne's scarecrows offer a rare beacon in commercial offerings
A year of the caliphate:

Isis, a year of the caliphate

Who can defeat the so-called 'Islamic State' – and how?