Simon Carr:

Simon Carr: Disgrace! Ker-ching! Rowdy Labour indignation as 'ashamed Dave' fails to show

Sketch: Cameron had made his shameful statement in the morning and was cowering in a feculent hole counting £50 notes

Share
Related Topics

"Cameron enters the abyss!" Blimey, that's going it a bit, was it really that serious? The Leader of the Opposition clearly thought so and arrived in the Commons to harangue the suave, hereditary Cabinet Office minister Francis Maude (he was offering a statement on party funding, following weekend revelations).

Actually, the headline referred to the Titanic director James Cameron plumbing the Mariana Trench in his bathysphere.

David Cameron's predicament lacks the heroic scale, doesn't it? It's not clear whether "cash for access" will turn into an odyssey, a saga or a storm in a Number 10 herbal tea cup.

In any event, it was a terrifically rowdy Commons afternoon. Pointing, shouting, mutual imprecations, both sides yelling into a novelty mirror and seeing their own distorted faces shouting back.

Ed Miliband has revived an earlier hairstyle, an upright gelled quiff that says to his young voters "Hope I die before I get old". And just when he was doing so well.

Labour seized the moral low ground crying "Shame!" and "Disgraceful!" and "Ker-ching!" It was as if they had never solicited cash or offered access themselves. Nonetheless, this scandal had caused a "permanent stain" and showed Cameron was "too ashamed to come to the House".

Ed denounced Cameron's "contempt" for them. "Where is he?" MPs cried. He had made his shameful, disgraceful, contemptuous statement to the media in the morning and was now cowering in a feculent hole counting out £50 notes.

However, as an ancilliary question, where was Jack Dromey MP, the Treasurer of the Labour party during some earlier proxy donation scandal (as Treasurer he was unaware of the half a million quid the party had illegally trousered).

Labour described the Tories as "engulfed in sleaze" and "casually corrupt". But Francis Maude – normally so soigne – gave them a great rollicking back. The angry pills are a great discovery.

It's not as if it were about ministerial propriety, he declared magnificently – "It is! It is!" they shouted. Labour were at it like monkeys in Health, in Justice (the Speaker intervened to no avail). "No! No!" Ed himself had had dinner with Roland Rudd, he charged, he'd pulled out of an NHS rally to go to a football match with a six-figure donor, and the Warwick agreement was nothing but a deal to sell an entire manifesto to the unions.

It was always going to be a messy draw. The problem for the Indignants is that nothing has happened. Worse, if Lord Gold acts as Ed Miliband thinks (leading an inquiry into, by, and for the Conservative Party) nothing will.

React Now

Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Data Analyst

£30000 per annum: Ashdown Group: A highly reputable software house is looking ...

Application Support Analyst / Junior SQL Server DBA

£40000 - £45000 per annum: Ashdown Group: An established professional services...

Commercial Litigation

Highly Attractive Salary: Austen Lloyd: CITY - SENIOR COMMERCIAL LITIGATION SO...

BI Developer - Sheffield - £35,000 ~ £40,000 DOE

£35000 - £40000 per annum + competitive: Progressive Recruitment: My client is...

Day In a Page

Read Next
 

Letter from the Assistant Editor: Domestic violence is no petty matter

Siobhan Norton
 

There’s nothing wrong with GM

Steve Connor
A new Russian revolution: Cracks start to appear in Putin’s Kremlin power bloc

A new Russian revolution

Cracks start to appear in Putin’s Kremlin power bloc
Eugene de Kock: Apartheid’s sadistic killer that his country cannot forgive

Apartheid’s sadistic killer that his country cannot forgive

The debate rages in South Africa over whether Eugene de Kock should ever be released from jail
Standing my ground: If sitting is bad for your health, what happens when you stay on your feet for a whole month?

Standing my ground

If sitting is bad for your health, what happens when you stay on your feet for a whole month?
Commonwealth Games 2014: Dai Greene prays for chance to rebuild after injury agony

Greene prays for chance to rebuild after injury agony

Welsh hurdler was World, European and Commonwealth champion, but then the injuries crept in
Israel-Gaza conflict: Secret report helps Israelis to hide facts

Patrick Cockburn: Secret report helps Israel to hide facts

The slickness of Israel's spokesmen is rooted in directions set down by pollster Frank Luntz
The man who dared to go on holiday

The man who dared to go on holiday

New York's mayor has taken a vacation - in a nation that has still to enforce paid leave, it caused quite a stir, reports Rupert Cornwell
Best comedians: How the professionals go about their funny business, from Sarah Millican to Marcus Brigstocke

Best comedians: How the professionals go about their funny business

For all those wanting to know how stand-ups keep standing, here are some of the best moments
The Guest List 2014: Forget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks

The Guest List 2014

Forget the Man Booker longlist, Literary Editor Katy Guest offers her alternative picks
Jokes on Hollywood: 'With comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on'

Jokes on Hollywood

With comedy film audiences shrinking, it’s time to move on
It's the best of British art... but not all is on display

It's the best of British art... but not all is on display

Voted for by the British public, the artworks on Art Everywhere posters may be the only place where they can be seen
Critic claims 'I was the inspiration for Blanche DuBois'

Critic claims 'I was the inspiration for Blanche DuBois'

Blanche Marvin reveals how Tennessee Williams used her name and an off-the-cuff remark to create an iconic character
Sometimes it's hard to be a literary novelist

Sometimes it's hard to be a literary novelist

Websites offering your ebooks for nothing is only the latest disrespect the modern writer is subjected to, says DJ Taylor
Edinburgh Fringe 2014: The comedy highlights, from Bridget Christie to Jack Dee

Edinburgh Fringe 2014

The comedy highlights, from Bridget Christie to Jack Dee
Dame Jenny Abramsky: 'We have to rethink. If not, museums and parks will close'

Dame Jenny Abramsky: 'We have to rethink. If not, museums and parks will close'

The woman stepping down as chair of the Heritage Lottery Fund is worried