I’m a British Orthodox Jew – after the Israel attacks, I’m terrified

I’m worried for my children as they go to school. Worst case scenarios run through my head constantly: are we protected enough? Could those poor families who were murdered in their beds be us, one day?

I’m full of dread about the situation in Israel. It’s really hard dropping the kids off at school, which is Orthodox – it makes me very anxious. Worst case scenarios keep flying through my head that something could happen to them, spurred on by the terrible stories of babies being slaughtered; of innocent people being murdered at a rave – as though they were at Glastonbury – Jews and non-Jews alike. It’s just terrible. Unthinkable.

I have four children at different schools and I worry the security isn’t strong enough. I’m terrified someone could hurt them.

My son, who’s 12, won’t go on any public transport at the moment – he’s point-blank refused. So now I have to pick him up every day. That means I can’t pick up his sister, who’s 15, but she’s taken it upon herself to travel on the bus anyway, because she looks less visibly Jewish than he does and she’s worried about him. I took my son to Sainsbury’s and he wore a baseball cap over his kippah so nobody could tell he was Jewish. He’s had anti-Semitic comments before... it’ll be worse, now.

I don’t want any of my children or their friends to go out on their own – especially in groups. The school has arranged for organisations to come in to teach the kids how to be street-wise – which is important, but it’s heightening their anxiety. Parents with kids at Jewish schools here and in Israel have been sent emails telling us to delete Instagram and TikTok, and to be careful of YouTube. We’ve been advised we may soon see videos of people we know in Israel being tortured.

We don’t feel safe at home in our house. We have a mezuzah scroll above our door (like most Jewish households), we look Orthodox and I worry that people could be following us, watching our house and planning an attack. It goes through my head constantly when I try to sleep: are we protected enough? Could those poor families in Israel who we’re told were murdered in their beds be us, one day? I can’t help but wonder: is our local synagogue a possible target?

I’m trying not to watch the news or look at Facebook. But I also need to check Facebook to see that my friends in Israel are safe. I feel very on edge. I’m worried this situation will increase anti-Semitic attacks.

Our synagogue has set up a WhatsApp group for anyone who needs help or for those who are feeling particularly worried. We’ve set up prayer groups and increased our donations to charity, and are arranging food supplies to send to the affected areas. Our non-Jewish neighbours have reached out to us, to offer their support.

I feel for the civilians in Gaza too – I wish they weren’t caught in the crossfire. They don’t have war shelters or safe rooms. They are losing families too. Hamas are using them as human shields. Hamas don’t seem to care about their own women and children.

I feel terrible for everyone caught up in this – it’s infuriating and upsetting. I’m praying for the civilians on both sides – and also praying that it doesn’t reach my family’s door. I don’t know what else I can do.