How can a ‘60-second teabag’ cause such a brew-haha?

I won’t be revealing to any of my British pals about how long I let my tea infuse, writes Kathy Lette. Arguing over tea rituals with a Brit is truly a mug’s game...

British fury over a cuppa isn’t just a storm in a teacup (Getty)

A storm is brewing – a storm in a teacup, that is. News that PG Tips has created a new teabag which promises to brew in just 60 seconds has gone over with English tea fanatics like Pavarotti over a pole vault bar. The sound of noses going out of joint can be heard all over England. The mere mention of this new square teabag to British friends and they immediately adopt facial expressions associated with a prostate examination or a mammogram. I can’t tell you how many lectures I’ve endured in just one day about the precise time English breakfast tea should be brewed – three to five minutes. Anything less is sacrilege.

Non-Brits are a bit mystified about why this newer, quicker teabag is igniting English ire to such a degree. But having lived here for more than 30 years, I have come to understand your endearing quirks. It seems to me that the chief products of England are pessimism, sexual perversions, gardening programmes, TV murder mysteries set in Oxford, epigrams, puddings, pinstripe and solving of all of life’s problems – from blitz bombings to marriage break-ups –with “a nice cup of tea”. More than 100 million cups of tea are made every day in Britain. Not enjoying “a nice cup of tea” puts you just below leper and just above someone who doesn’t like cricket.

Besides tea-drinking, the other main areas in which Brits excel are quipping, whipping, queueing and politeness.