Tomato porn is taking social media by storm – they’re big, plump and juicy

Conventional miniature plum varieties are considered unadventurous and dreary, whereas anything black, dark red or purple is highly fashionable, the veg equivalent of the designer trainer or Gucci bag

I admit tomato porn has become obsessive, but nothing gives me more pleasure this weird summer than eating a juicy specimen on toast

While the drought has meant some farmers are being forced to sell cattle because they can’t afford feed, one smug group are ecstatic: tomato growers. Anyone with a productive plant has been gloating, posting pictures of exotic specimens on social media.

Yes, tomato porn beats the real thing any day. Conventional miniature plum varieties are considered unadventurous and dreary, whereas anything black, dark red or purple is highly fashionable, the veg equivalent of the designer trainer or Gucci bag.

Proud fans post images of black russian, cherokee chocolate, cuban black, and dozens of other homegrown heritage varieties every day in an orgy of self-congratulation. Black tomatoes are so on-trend, fashionable restaurants now charge at least £8.50 for a “heritage tomato” starter, featuring a couple of stripy specimens and a teaspoon of burrata, topped off with a bit of purple basil (which I have also grown from seed, sorry to show off).

Year after year, I have failed at tomato growing – crops have been struck down by blight, greenfly, rotting leaves, or ended up the size of marbles. I’ve begged them to thrive, and prayed to the tomato goddess in the sky, to no avail. This year – bingo! I couldn’t resist joining the gloaters and tweeting a snap of my perfect yellow sungold lovelies – only to be trumped mostly by people growing massive red beefsteak monsters.

I retaliated with another shot of my noire de crimee, ruby red tomatoes with deep burgundy flesh. I admit tomato porn has become obsessive, but nothing gives me more pleasure this weird summer than eating a juicy specimen on toast! Yes, I admit I am a tomato snob.