The Top 10: Fluffed Lines

The ‘exotic spresm’ awards for the most wonderful examples of a misconnection between brain and mouth

‘The word ‘is’ are correct': George W Bush made fun of himself after making an error (AFP/Getty)

This list started with Vince Cable at the Liberal Democrat conference last month. When he came to the line that had been issued to the media the night before and widely reported, that true believers would enjoy an “erotic spasm” on leaving the EU, he read it from the autocue as “exotic spresm”.

1. “The party of one of the greatest men who should have been president, Hubert Horatio Hornblower – Humphrey.” Jimmy Carter, at the 1980 Democratic convention, confused Hubert Horatio Humphrey with the naval officer hero of CS Forester’s novels, Horatio Hornblower. Thanks to Gordon Smith.

2. “As far as I know – effective immediately, without delay.” Günter Schabowski, East German government spokesperson, on 9 November 1989 failed to notice new rules for using border crossings in Berlin were embargoed, and read them out at a press conference. When asked when they came into effect he paused and his answer contained the word sofort, “immediately”. The Berlin Wall was overwhelmed later that day. Nominated by David Boothroyd.

3. “Looks as if it was put in by an Indian.” Prince Philip commented on a fuse box bursting with wires on a tour of a Scottish factory in 1999. Buckingham Palace immediately apologised, and he later said he got his cowboys and Indians mixed up. If we believe him, it qualifies as a “fluff”. Thanks to Robert Boston.

4. “Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?” George W Bush, 2000. He later made fun of himself, saying he had consulted grammar experts who told him: “The word ‘is’ are correct.” Thanks to Rebecca Byrne. He was a rich source, including such classics as, “I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family” (Chris Jones) and, “We ought to make the pie higher.”

5. “Execute the office of president to the United States faithfully.” Chief justice John Roberts, administering the oath to Barack Obama in 2008 (instead of “faithfully execute the office of president of the United States”). They did it again in the White House the next day “in case any of the constitutional crazies started claiming he hadn’t really been inaugurated”, said John Peters and David Herdson.

6. “We not only saved the world …” Gordon Brown, 2008. He tried to correct himself – “saved the banks” – but was drowned out by laughter in the House of Commons. Mind you, he was right first time. Thanks to Peter Wass.

7. “Am I tough enuss – am I tough enough? Hell, yes, I’m tough enough.” Ed Miliband, 2015 election campaign. From David Boothroyd and Church Mouse.

8. “Strong message here.” Jeremy Corbyn read out his speaking instruction in the middle of his 2015 Labour conference speech. Message received by Phil Porter and Mark Burns.

9. “Mark my words, we will make breakfast – Brexit – a success.” Andrew RT Davies, Welsh Conservative leader, party conference 2017. Thanks to John Rogan and Huw Anslow.

10. “We will fight hope.” Sajid Javid, the home secretary, this week. “Er, hate – fight against hate, with hope.” Late nomination from Henry Anderson.

Several nominations for Neil Armstrong, as he stepped on the Moon in 1969: “That’s one small step for [a] man; one giant leap for mankind.” Still disputed: I prefer to believe the missing word was lost when the sound dropped out. You can listen to it here.

LeftwichSpeaks nominated “the sign-language bloke at Nelson Mandela’s funeral”, but that wasn’t misspeaking, it was just nonsense.

Side question from Chris Jones: “Why do we say ‘fluffed’, while the Americans say ‘flubbed’?” I don’t know: the Oxford dictionary is unhelpful: the US version dates from the 1920s but is “of unknown origin”.

Next week: British Place Name Pronunciations for the Unwary, such as Ulgham, Northumberland, pronounced Uffam

Coming soon: Musicians Who Objected to Politicians Using Their Songs, another list inspired by a party conference, although so far Abba have refused to comment on Theresa May jiving on to the platform to the sound of “Dancing Queen”.

Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk