Why dating a woman is far better than going out with a man

Andy West is wrong and these are my 10 reasons why. Tongue firmly in, um, cheek.

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Reading Andy West on why straight men all secretly want a boyfriend, I feel I must speak up for my maligned gender.

'Boyfriends day' it may be but dating a woman is clearly far superior.

Allow me to present the 10 reasons why. Tongue firmly in, um, cheek.

B is for boys. Because men don’t ever really grow up, do they? The expressions of men moping round the women’s clothes sections share a remarkable similarity to those of boys hanging off their mom’s trolleys. Mature with a (mature) woman. She’s much more fun to talk to.

O is for orgasms. Lots of them. Everywhere. Because women can have them in multiples.

Y is for fronts. No sane woman would ever put that style monstrosity on her favourite parts. Date a girl and you get to look at much nicer knickers.

F is for flirtation. That glint in your girlfriend’s eye is a lot more enticing than the cold dead cow eye of a man who doesn’t realise you want him desperately.

R is for remembering. No more forgotten birthdays or blank faces as you try to nudge him into recalling your favourite restaurant, TV show and perfume. No no no. Your girlfriend will all remember all those little things just to let you know how important you are to her.

I is for insomnia. Women are more likely to suffer from insomnia than men. But at least with your girlfriend you will have someone to sip hot milk in the kitchen with, rather than a great snoring hulk mocking your sleeplessness from the other side of the bed.

E is for ending it. No woman would ever break up with you on a post it note (see Sex and the City Season 6, Episode 7). Women get why this is rude.

N is for nipples. Men’s nipples are purposeless non-ducts with weird sprouty hair on them. Women’s are much nicer and they can FEED REAL BABIES.

D is for DIY. At least when your girlfriend does it, she finishes the job. Half a kitchen for a year and a half? Not any more.

S is for sweeping generalisations. Men and women, while not the same, can’t be stereotyped in this way. And despite all of the above, I love men. That’s why I’m seeing five of them.