Valentine's Day: The best bad sex scenes from books
Who needs Shakespeare when you can read your beloved these 'delights'?
For better or for worse, there’s no escaping Valentine’s Day. The high street is awash with cringe cards, teddy bears and roses as the world prepares to celebrate love - in some vague sense of the word.
So will you be reading your beloved a Shakespearen sonnet in a grand gesture of romance? Probably not. Instead, why not explore the vast array of ‘erotic’ literature that past writers have so kindly bestowed upon us for such occasions?
There’s EL James’ bestselling Fifty Shades of Grey and the “wild and wanton” version of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice for starters. Then there's the Bad Sex Awards nominees from bygone years, won in 2013 by Manil Suri for the subatomic bisexual orgy he describes in The City of Devi.
“Surely supernovas explode that instant, somewhere, in some galaxy. The hut vanishes and with it the sea and the sands – only Karun’s body, locked with mine, remains,” reads the winning extract. “We streak like superheroes past suns and solar systems, we dive through shoals of quarks and atomic nuclei. In celebration of our breakthrough fourth star, statisticians the world over rejoice”
If nothing else, the best relationships involve laughter – something these supposedly sexy but actually oh-so-bizarre extracts are sure to encourage.
Watch the trailer for El James bestselling Fifty Shades of Grey
Arts & Ents blogs
- 1 Reyhaneh Jabbari: Iran due to execute woman for murder of her alleged attempted rapist
- 2 Sainsbury's '50p challenge' poster telling staff to encourage customers to spend more placed in shop window instead of staff room
- 3 Expert urges cat lovers to own just one animal each
- 4 Car tax disc changes: Two days to go - and they affect you much more than just not displaying a piece of paper
- 5 The Simpsons death: Creator Al Jean would 'kill himself' before character like Homer or Lisa
The Simpsons death: Creator Al Jean would 'kill himself' before character like Homer or Lisa
Cilla, episode 3, ITV - review: Ed Stoppard steals the limelight as Beatles manager Brian Epstein
'Before They Pass Away': Endangered communities photographed 'like Kate Moss'
The Jungle Book: A tale as old as time
The Simpsons death: Character killed off - but not the one you thought
Isis, we are told, is a 'clear and dangerous threat to our way of life'. I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy it
Exclusive: 'Putin's Russia has been my biggest regret,' says Nato's outgoing Secretary General
The Osborne Ultimatum: Chancellor’s benefits freeze bombshell will affect ten million households
'Women, walk wherever you want' posters taken down in Stamford Hill following 'unacceptable' signs separating men and women
There’s no excuse for Dave Lee Travis’s behaviour, but we need to keep a sense of proportion
Mark Reckless becomes second Tory MP to defect to Ukip in a month
- < Previous
- Next >