Voices A petition to deport Justin Bieber has reached 100,000 signatures

He's hardly misleading the youth: Generation Y has turned into Generation Y Bother Getting High, It’ll Stop You From Getting A Job

Theatre: Speak Bitterness / False Entertaiment The Hawth, Crawley

"We confess to never having had an original idea," says one of the seven penitents in a hilarious show of ironic self-mockery. The confession is false, because though False Entertainment make an art out of recycling their own and other people's ideas, beneath the layers of falsehood and repetition lurks a brilliant originality.

Tenors hit Wembley at pounds 350 a ticket

DAVID LISTER

A Stratocaster is no longer the stairway to teen heaven

TWENTY-FIVE years after the death of the legendary rock guitarist Jimi Hendrix, the music industry is finding to its horror that children no longer want to be guitar heroes. They want to be the heroes of computer games instead.

true gripes air-guitarists

Anybody who has been to places where loud music is played will probably have seen air-guitarists. They are the guys down the front who attempt to emulate their guitar heroes on stage by miming on imaginary instruments. With heads shaking and eyes closed, they strum away on pretend Les Pauls and Stratocasters, oblivious of the embarrassment caused to friends and strangers alike.

Pop Luke Clancy THE STONE ROSES Pirc U Chaoimh, Cork

After a rash of courtroom scuffles, a plague of feeble bones and a brief tour of Scandinavia, the Stone Roses finally loped onto the stage of Pirc U Chaoimh, Cork, last Sunday, to play their first gig in these islands for more than half a decade.

pop; riffs

Roy Harper on Leopold Stokowski's Symphonic Synthesis of Parsifal

Rock: A punk for the Nineties

MICHAEL STIPE throttled his mic-stand, and tossed its lifeless body to the floor. He sat on the stage, lay on the stage, threw John Travolta disco poses, jumped onto monitors, and, for most of the time, jolted and twitched like a malfunctioning robot during that sequence in a science- fiction film when its head is about to explode.

Page & Plant / Cornwall Coliseum, St Austell

In some ways, the hideous entertainment multiplex modestly named the Cornwall Coliseum is an ideal Led Zeppelin venue. It squats grimly on a granite beach a matter of feet from the Atlantic ocean. It is featureless, implacable, massy yet compacted, as if dropped on Cornwall from a great height: corrugated concrete blocks set against black cliffs and a riffing sea.

Choice: NICK COLEMAN

Englebert Humperdinck and Jimmy Page are now virtually indistinguishable. Just look at the fly-posters advertising Englebert's current tour, which commences in Edinburgh this week, and tell me I'm not a loony. Suspicion is further heightened by the fact that the coming Page / Plant reunion tour of the UK in no way overlaps with Hump's.

The heels are alive...

Forget VE Day, Channel 4 have declared Bank Holiday Monday to be National Glam Rock Day. David Benedict watches and weeps with nostalgia

Sounds like Madness (or Fleetwood Mac . . .)

But it isn't. Sean Thomas on the case of the advertising pop pasticheur s

RECORDS / The IoS Playlist: The five best sounds of the moment

Lutoslawski: Symphonies 3 & 4. Los Angeles Philharmonic / Salonen (Sony, CD only). Confirmation that Lutoslawski is an alluring symphonist, Los Angeles a world-class orchestra, and Salonen one of the finest younger MDs in the business. Michael White

Then there were two: Page and Plant got back together. Briefly. Adam Szreter witnessed the re-formation of Led Zeppelin

It was intended to be Plant and Page Unplugged. Perhaps even Plant, Page and Paul Jones Unplugged. In the end MTV settled happily for Robert Plant and Jimmy Page, mostly plugged-in and playing together at the London Weekend Television studios.

Arts: The Rolf Harris factor: It pays to have a sense of humour about your image (even more so if it's laughable). Just ask Rolf Harris. Or Jim Bowen. Or Lulu. Just swallow your pride and cash in on post-modern irony. Jim White grins and bears it

Even Take That have caught a dose of it. When their British tour opened at Glagow's SEC on Thursday night, the young Mancunians had, they said, developed the best stage show of their career. There were pyrotechnics, there were micro shorts and bare buttocks, there was a wardrobe load of leather paraphernalia. And, in the finale, raised up above the boys' Chippendale- broad shoulders and wrapped in a lace dress, there was Lulu.

ROCK / Triumph of the ill: Fight for your right to . . . your own clothing range? Ben Thompson meets the Beastie Boys

'BOYS ENTER Anarchic States Towards Inner Excellence' - that's what the Beastie in Beastie Boys stands for. No, I didn't know this either; until it leapt out at me from the sleeve-notes to a recent compilation of the group's formative moments, aptly titled Some Old Bullshit. More than a decade has now passed since Mike D, Ad-Rock and MCA - aka Michael Diamond and the two Adams, Horovitz and Yauch - hit upon this snappy acronym, but their prescience was uncanny, since it sums up the Beasties' extraordinary career to what keen golfers such as themselves would certainly recognise as a tee.
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Day In a Page

Burgundy, the River Rhone & Provence – MS Swiss Corona - seven nights from £999pp
Lake Maggiore, Orta and the Matterhorn – seven nights from £899pp
Sicily – seven nights from £939pp
Pompeii, Capri and the Bay of Naples - seven nights from £799pp
Istanbul Ephesus & Troy – six nights from £859pp
Mary Rose – two nights from £319pp
Israel-Gaza conflict: No victory for Israel despite weeks of death and devastation

Robert Fisk: No victory for Israel despite weeks of devastation

Palestinians have won: they are still in Gaza, and Hamas is still there
Mary Beard writes character reference for Twitter troll who called her a 'slut'

Unlikely friends: Mary Beard and the troll who called her a ‘filthy old slut’

The Cambridge University classicist even wrote the student a character reference
America’s new apartheid: Prosperous white districts are choosing to break away from black cities and go it alone

America’s new apartheid

Prosperous white districts are choosing to break away from black cities and go it alone
Amazon is buying Twitch for £600m - but why do people want to watch others playing Xbox?

What is the appeal of Twitch?

Amazon is buying the video-game-themed online streaming site for £600m - but why do people want to watch others playing Xbox?
Tip-tapping typewriters, ripe pongs and slides in the office: Bosses are inventing surprising ways of making us work harder

How bosses are making us work harder

As it is revealed that one newspaper office pumps out the sound of typewriters to increase productivity, Gillian Orr explores the other devices designed to motivate staff
Manufacturers are struggling to keep up with the resurgence in vinyl records

Hard pressed: Resurgence in vinyl records

As the resurgence in vinyl records continues, manufacturers and their outdated machinery are struggling to keep up with the demand
Tony Jordan: 'I turned down the chance to research Charles Dickens for a TV series nine times ... then I found a kindred spirit'

A tale of two writers

Offered the chance to research Charles Dickens for a TV series, Tony Jordan turned it down. Nine times. The man behind EastEnders and Life on Mars didn’t feel right for the job. Finally, he gave in - and found an unexpected kindred spirit
Could a later start to the school day be the most useful educational reform of all?

Should pupils get a lie in?

Doctors want a later start to the school day so that pupils can sleep later. Not because teenagers are lazy, explains Simon Usborne - it's all down to their circadian rhythms
Prepare for Jewish jokes – as Jewish comedians get their own festival

Prepare for Jewish jokes...

... as Jewish comedians get their own festival
SJ Watson: 'I still can't quite believe that Before I Go to Sleep started in my head'

A dream come true for SJ Watson

Watson was working part time in the NHS when his debut novel, Before I Go to Sleep, became a bestseller. Now it's a Hollywood movie, too. Here he recalls the whirlwind journey from children’s ward to A-list film set
10 best cycling bags for commuters

10 best cycling bags for commuters

Gear up for next week’s National Cycle to Work day with one of these practical backpacks and messenger bags
Paul Scholes: Three at the back isn’t working yet but given time I’m hopeful Louis van Gaal can rebuild Manchester United

Paul Scholes column

Three at the back isn’t working yet but given time I’m hopeful Louis van Gaal can rebuild Manchester United
Kate Bush, Hammersmith Apollo music review: A preamble, then a coup de théâtre - and suddenly the long wait felt worth it

Kate Bush shows a voice untroubled by time

A preamble, then a coup de théâtre - and suddenly the long wait felt worth it
Robot sheepdog technology could be used to save people from burning buildings

The science of herding is cracked

Mathematical model would allow robots to be programmed to control crowds and save people from burning buildings
Tyrant: Is the world ready for a Middle Eastern 'Dallas'?

This tyrant doesn’t rule

It’s billed as a Middle Eastern ‘Dallas’, so why does Fox’s new drama have a white British star?