Album: William Orbit, My Oracle Lives Uptown, (Kobalt)

Over 17 million sales will buy you a little time: so Orbit could well afford to bide his on the back of Madonna's 1996 smash Ray of Light, which he produced and co-wrote.

No word on paparazzi in police log on Madonna fall

A police report on Madonna's fall from a horse is silent on whether paparazzi scared the animal, as her spokeswoman has said.

Amy Jenkins: Why bleak TV is something to smile about

It put a smile on my face to read that the hardcore HBO cop show, The Wire, got good viewing figures when it aired for the first time on BBC2 this week. Why? Because The Wire is well known for being grim, sombre and relentlessly bleak. I'm just so terribly happy about relentlessly bleak. I want my TV drama as gloomy as can be.

Malawi court makes Madonna wait for child

Human rights groups accuse star of bullying her way past the law

Madonna may adopt again from Malawi

Madonna may adopt another child from Malawi despite controversy in 2006 when she began proceedings to adopt her son David Banda.

Sophie Morris: 'Today' viral gets lost in transmission

The Today programme's bullish presenters trade on making listeners' eyes pop over tea and toast and morning tempers. They certainly had me yesterday when Jim Naughtie announced that the team had made a viral ad and put it up on YouTube.

One-Click Wonder:

It has been reported that Madonna is eyeing up a return to the big screen as the lead in a biopic of Wallis Simpson. Here we salute Madge’s incredible perseverance in the face of continued cinematic humiliation..

Touched For The Very First Time, Trafalgar Studios, London

This must be the only play I have ever seen where the paparazzi have stormed the stage before the curtain call has even begun. And where the star has happily posed for them backstage for a little while before re-emerging to pose for them a little bit more, this time with the photogenic producer. Well, who needs applause when you've got the pop of a hundred adoring flash bulbs? And what else can you expect when you put Sadie Frost (ex-wife of Jude Law and drinking partner of Kate Moss) on the West End stage in a one-woman play about Madonna, produced by Imogen Lloyd Webber (daughter of you-know-who)?

Live Nation: Music's next big act

It has reinvented the music industry business model, but a merger with Ticketmaster now looms. Ian Burrell reports

Observations: All decades of Madonna are now the height of fashion

If you couldn't spare £160 to see Madonna thrusting her crotch in concert last year, don't despair. A new exhibition of her film and stage costumes arrives at the Old Truman Brewery in London on 21 February, providing both diehard fans and those who like their culture about as substantial as one of Madge's macrobiotic meals with another chance to get their fix of the material girl.

Demolition ball, The Astoria, London

Six hours that gave the Astoria a fine farewell

Cirque du Soleil: Quidam, Royal Albert Hall, London

It might now be a global brand, but Cirque's current offering is as surreally inventive as ever

Great Works: Madonna and Child with Saints (1505), Giovanni Bellini

Altarpiece in San Zaccaria, Venice
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University Edible Garden, Leeds – a sustainable garden in the centre of the university, passers-by can help themselves to the home-grown produce
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Day In a Page

Burgundy, the River Rhone & Provence – MS Swiss Corona - seven nights from £999pp
Lake Maggiore, Orta and the Matterhorn – seven nights from £899pp
Sicily – seven nights from £939pp
Pompeii, Capri and the Bay of Naples - seven nights from £799pp
Istanbul Ephesus & Troy – six nights from £859pp
Mary Rose – two nights from £319pp
Save the tiger: The animals bred for bones on China’s tiger farms

The animals bred for bones on China’s tiger farms

The big cats kept in captivity to perform for paying audiences and then, when dead, their bodies used to fortify wine
A former custard factory, a Midlands bog and a Leeds cemetery all included in top 50 hidden spots in the UK

A former custard factory, a Midlands bog and a Leeds cemetery

Introducing the top 50 hidden spots in Britain
Ebola epidemic: Plagued by fear

Ebola epidemic: Plagued by fear

How a disease that has claimed fewer than 2,000 victims in its history has earned a place in the darkest corner of the public's imagination
Chris Pratt: From 'Parks and Recreation' to 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

From 'Parks and Recreation' to 'Guardians of the Galaxy'

He was homeless in Hawaii when he got his big break. Now the comic actor Chris Pratt is Hollywood's new favourite action star
How live cinema screenings can boost arts audiences

How live cinema screenings can boost arts audiences

Broadcasting plays and exhibitions to cinemas is a sure-fire box office smash
Shipping container hotels: Pop-up hotels filling a niche

Pop-up hotels filling a niche

Spending the night in a shipping container doesn't sound appealing, but these mobile crash pads are popping up at the summer's biggest events
Native American headdresses are not fashion accessories

Feather dust-up

A Canadian festival has banned Native American headwear. Haven't we been here before?
Boris Johnson's war on diesel

Boris Johnson's war on diesel

11m cars here run on diesel. It's seen as a greener alternative to unleaded petrol. So why is London's mayor on a crusade against the black pump?
5 best waterproof cameras

Splash and flash: 5 best waterproof cameras

Don't let water stop you taking snaps with one of these machines that will take you from the sand to meters deep
Louis van Gaal interview: Manchester United manager discusses tactics and rebuilding after the David Moyes era

Louis van Gaal interview

Manchester United manager discusses tactics and rebuilding after the David Moyes era
Will Gore: The goodwill shown by fans towards Alastair Cook will evaporate rapidly if India win the series

Will Gore: Outside Edge

The goodwill shown by fans towards Alastair Cook will evaporate rapidly if India win the series
The children were playing in the street with toy guns. The air strikes were tragically real

The air strikes were tragically real

The children were playing in the street with toy guns
Boozy, ignorant, intolerant, but very polite – The British, as others see us

Britain as others see us

Boozy, ignorant, intolerant, but very polite
How did our legends really begin?

How did our legends really begin?

Applying the theory of evolution to the world's many mythologies
Watch out: Lambrusco is back on the menu

Lambrusco is back on the menu

Naff Seventies corner-shop staple is this year's Aperol Spritz