Claire Perry, Tory MP for Devizes, in Wiltshire, a former banker and adviser to George Osborne, has been billed as a high flier, but seems to suffer from occasional judgement wobbles in matters relating to sex.

Mulligan takes me out shooting today, which is a welcome relief. My Mom goes mental that I’m going to “kill things” although she’s always first in the hamburger queue.

Government advisers will publish a report recommending people limit their consumption of red meat.

I have terrible news for Parisian Anglophiles and British expatriates in Paris. The British sausage and the pork pie are not, after all, returning to the French capital. Ten years after its hurried, Dunkirk-like departure from the continent, Marks & Spencer plans to open a new store in Paris. The location is perfect. M&S will take over a 1,000sq m store on the Champs-Elysées, just a few yards from the office that I share with the BBC (or, as I try to tell visitors, the BBC shares with me).

Around six out of 10 people believe lean cuts of red meat contain more than 20% fat, even though the true level is less than half that amount, research suggests.

Goodness know who came up with the notion that secondary school offers the best days of your life. Whoever it was clearly hadn't spent much time in the classroom (bunking off down the park might, conceivably, count as the best days of your life, though that rather hinges on the prospect of adulthood being very dull indeed). At any rate, as anyone who has ever donned a uniform and picked up a pencil case will know, school – particularly when you are an angst-ridden, parentally constrained adolescent – is far more rubbish than we like to admit. How much infinitely worse it must be when the gloomy spectre of bullying – or "big black cloud" as schoolboy Billy called it last night – is added to the equation.

Boars have a special place in European culture. A long boarish line runs from the colossal Erymanthean beast hunted by Hercules, to the animals that graced the coat of arms of Richard III, to Obelix's favourite repast. So it is good to see, after centuries of absence, that the animals are once again thriving on the Continent.

Thus yesterday, to the House of Lords to see the butt-crack, the builder's bum of the Labour Party, being dignified, elevated, made noble. We all sucked our teeth and said, "Ooh! Big job, that." The ceremony only lasts a few minutes – how could it be long enough, even for the preparatory cleaning?