Mick Jagger doesn't want Donald Trump to use his music any more - I don't know which man I dislike more

Jagger’s treatment of Jerry Hall from 1977 through to 1999 was the work of a breathtaking sh*t-heel. Comparatively speaking, Donald Trump’s getaway from Ivana, then Marla Maples, seems chivalrous

Mick Jagger (Getty Images)

Mick Jagger’s ban on the Trump campaign using Rolling Stones music ends another peculiarly exhausting few days for the next potential leader of the Free World. I wonder what pallid, weary shade Trump actually is beneath his bronzer? At Thursday morning’s press conference he was painted a shade I recognised immediately as Farrow and Ball ‘Yellow Ground’.

There he stood, eerily resplendent like Jabba the Hutt modelling for Jacamo, flanked by tousle-haired, moist-lipped fembots. It was a frat-boy movie’s interpretation of how comedy dictators behave. But never mind, because by Thursday evening, on Cinco de Mayo, Trump was attempting to smooth over what we’ll call ‘the Mexican problem’ by tweeting himself glowering over a Tex-Mex ‘taco bowl’. Perhaps this marked a rethink on his mooted “You’re all savages. I’m building a wall!” foreign policy influenced heavily by the Seven Kingdoms’ struggle against the Wildlings in Game of Thrones.

As the Twittersphere erupted with unforgiving sorts pointing out that a flunky fetching a bowl of beef chilli would not melt Mexican memories of Trump’s catchy tourism tagline: “They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists”, another problem arose.

Trump, in the past has rather favoured whisking into political events to the plaintive sounds of The Rolling Stones ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’. Why that song in particular remains unclear. The lyrics, like a lot - not all, but many - of the Stones’ lyrics are flagrant druggy gibberish. Mick is meeting a girl in a reception, she might meet her connection. He’s off to a drugstore, he’s having a soda. See, nonsense?

But I suppose The Donald, who believes he’s here to save America, feels this ditty about “not getting what you want, but getting what you need” sums up petty quibbles about him being a little like Mussolini. I’d have thought Jumping Jack Flash would be preferable in honour of his beautiful hair styled via cross-fire hurricane. Or ‘Gimme Shelter’ to playfully underline Trump’s comments to Anderson Cooper in March that decades of foreign policy should be reversed to encourage South Korea and Japan to have nuclear weapons But Jagger and Co. have put their foot down.

“The Rolling Stones,” a statement read, “have never given permission to the Trump campaign to use their songs and have requested that they cease all use immediately.” This comes after Adele prohibited the use of ‘Rolling in The Deep’ from Trump rallies, although not yet, sadly, from the in-house music system at every god-forsaken shopping mall in Britain.

Previously, Steven Tyler from Aerosmith also banned Trump from using rollicking rock-classic ‘Dream On’ and Neil Young called time on ‘Rockin’ The Free World’. Rather fruitlessly, REM banned ‘It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)’, despite no-one aside from Michael Stipe being able to sing or decipher more than the “Lenny Bruce is not afraid” line and the chorus in over thirty years.

But it possibly rankles The Donald, that multi-divorced King of Capitalism, at some level that Mick Jagger truly believes he’s a cut above him. I have never had Jagger down as a great touchy-feely humanitarian. Trump should perhaps have chosen Jagger’s 1987 hit ‘Let’s Work’, a tribute to the majesty of endeavour penned by a man who spent the 70’s in the South of France tax-avoiding.

Jagger’s treatment of Jerry Hall from 1977 through to 1999 was the work of a breathtaking shit-heel. Cheating, impregnating other women, neither cutting Hall loose nor seemingly able to stop the steady stream of humiliation. Comparatively speaking, Donald Trump’s getaway from Ivana, then Marla Maples, seems chivalrous. Jagger’s final marital masterstroke was to petition that he and Hall were never married at all. What a guy.

In 2015, The Rolling Stones pulled in $80.7m from their US tour by charging an average of $178 to see a pea-sized 71-year-old man on a stadium stage far, far away sing ‘Under My Thumb’. And that’s a song gleefully celebrating sinister domestic cohesion, if we’re being very picky.

To think that Jagger woke up on Thursday and thought, “I can’t have my good name connected with Trump” is rather wonderful. That said, Jerry Hall would be a fantastic fourth wife for Donald. Jerry has been tied up recently with her new multi-billionaire husband’s 85th birthday. It’s unclear what she got him as a gift but my guess is a course of water-skiing lessons. If Hall finds herself single again anytime soon, and she wants to annoy Jagger further, she should hit Trump up on Twitter.