Clare Balding is to be the host of a new Saturday night TV show BBC1 entertainment show to find the country's sharpest mind.

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How to improvise

Do you like to speak in strange accents, or sometimes complete gibberish? Fancy telling the story of King Arthur in the style of Raymond Chandler? Feel the urge to stick your arms through someone else's sleeves, and pick their noses for them? If so, impro may be your only hope.

Young (and old) pretenders

One noteworthy thing about the Tory leadership contest is that the declared contestants are not half so interesting as the undeclared contestants, so today I am ignoring the two men already with their hats in the ring and bringing you a list of some of those who will be slugging it out in the second ballot.

But seriously, Bob

Bob Monkhouse said he thought it might be 14 years since he last played Cheltenham Town Hall, but he couldn't be sure. "I do remember one thing, though," he added. "I died on my arse."

Heard the one about the drainage system?

Raoul Heertje is Holland's 'best circumcised' comedian. That may be so, says James Rampton, but what is he doing here and what does he want with our politicians?

Have we got news for Deayton?

The problem with quiz shows is that they tend to hang around. Once settled on a winning formula, the quiz show clings to it for dear life, refusing to alter the smallest detail. If Frank Muir had ever switched his bow tie for a cravat, Call My Bluff would have been doomed at a stroke. If Question of Sport went out without David Coleman making a complete hash of a question, the BBC would be forced to flash up the "Do Not Adjust Your Set caption".

THEATRE It's cold in bed

Live Bed Show Garrick, London

REVIEW : Spoofing me, spoofing him... with Mrs Merton

After the chat show came the chat-show spoof, in which bland, lazy sofa opera was mercilessly ridiculed. Now there are no more chat shows left, and the only competition the spoof faces is from its own kind. We can shortly expect the chat-show-spoof spoof, in which those who mercilessly ridicule bland, lazy sofa opera are themselves mercilessly ridiculed.

Quiet please. We will now observe radio silence

Radio: Peace broke out on Radio 1 last week. Just for an hour, mind you . Martin Kelner was there to record the unlikely sounding event

SUPERSELLERS OF 1994 BEST OF THE LOT: THE 30 TITLES THAT JUMPED OFF THE SHELVES THIS YEAR

HARDBACKS 1 Writing Home by Alan Bennett Faber £17.50

Lord Crudwick insists on savouring the moment

Today I bring you the closing moments of this year's Moment Of The Year Award Ceremony, the glittering occasion at which the most significant single moment of 1994 is given its due.

How to cook up caviar on a desert island with a pair of royal pains

Baffled by the mind-boggling array of Christmas books on offer in the shops? Boggle no more! Here is a handy cut-out-and-consult-in-Waterstone's Christmas '94 Good Book List! How to Survive Life Alone with a TV Film Crew Joanna Lumley BBC Spin-Offs, £9.99

TELEVISION / There's no beef in a Yorkshire pud

IMAGINE you were one of the country's most experienced and popular media personalities. Your last vehicle has finished a 21-year run and you are given a new four-times-a-week talk show. You'd want the first sentence of your first programme to be a cracker. This is how Esther (BBC2) begins: 'Well, we live in violent times these days, the violence of war, the violence of crime in our streets, but since time began there's been another kind of secret violence that happens in families, and that's the violence between husband and wife.' Whoa, there. Are our times more violent and war-torn than others? Has domestic violence existed since the Big Bang? And why should the ChildLine chairwoman think only of adults when she talks of 'the secret violence that happens in families'? Another mystery is Esther Rantzen's summary of her new series: 'The difference between Esther and Oprah's show is the difference between Yorkshire pudding and pumpkin pie.'
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Watch out Watford: Here comes the secretive Bilderberg Group

Watch out Watford: Here comes the secretive Bilderberg Group

A meeting of global power brokers in a Hertfordshire hotel is exciting conspiracy theorists, but what are they really about?
'The ultimate all-in-one home entertainment system': Microsoft finally unveils its Xbox ONE console

'The ultimate all-in-one home entertainment system'

Microsoft finally unveils its Xbox ONE console
Plenty of Fish dating site founder pulls 'Intimate Encounters' option to ward off sleazy men

Plenty of sleaze

Dating website pulls intimate 'hook-up' section to curb harassment
Inferno author Dan Brown 'honoured' to be invited to join the Freemasons

The Freemasons’ Code

Dan Brown reveals the message that told him door to the lodge is open
Not secure any more: G4S boss heads for exit at last

Not secure any more: G4S boss heads for exit at last

Nick Buckles survived the Olympics débâcle and a £5bn bid fiasco but a profit warning finally triggered his downfall
How to say ‘I’m a sellout’: Tumblr’s David Karp’s message of reassurance to his staff sounded very familiar

How to say ‘I’m a sellout’

Tumblr’s David Karp’s message of reassurance to his staff sounded very familiar
Why clubs are keen to take a stand

Why clubs are keen to take a stand

There's a real desire around the grounds for safe standing. But will the authorities listen?
In the end the fans decided Tony Pulis had made a pig's ear of the job at Stoke City

In the end the fans decided Tony Pulis had made a pig's ear of the job at Stoke City

Disillusion with a siege mentality and negative playing style made change inevitable
James Lawton: The James Hunt I knew is the subject of a new F1 movie

James Lawton: The James Hunt I knew is the subject of a new F1 movie

British driver was fascinating man whose epic duel with Niki Lauda in 1976 was typical of an era of glamour and glory – but also the ever-present threat of death
Stuart Hogg: Ready to climb his own Everest

Stuart Hogg: Ready to climb his own Everest

Lions' cub, 20, joins long line of players from Scottish borders club Hawick given opportunity to make his mark at highest level
Carl Froch handed rare chance of revenge with dream rematch

Steve Bunce on Boxing

Carl Froch handed rare chance of revenge with dream rematch against Mikel Kessler
'There is a battle going on inside us that is never discussed'

Masculinity in crisis?

'There is a battle going on inside us that is never discussed'
Have US shock jocks gone too far?

Have US shock jocks gone too far?

An incendiary remark from Rush Limbaugh may be the beginning of the end for outspoken right-wing US broadcasters
The ‘Beverly Hills’ of Surrey pays more income tax than big cities of the North

The ‘Beverly Hills’ of Surrey

Elmbridge pays more income tax than big cities of the North
Heavenly Bodies

Heavenly Bodies

Michael Landy's artistic marriage made in heaven... and hell