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Million Pound Properties, Channel 4, TV review

There was nothing dazzling about Million Pound Properties, alas. Or new-feeling. It was a two-parter commissioned off the back of a documentary earlier in the year looking at what a seven-figure budget will get you. I could have told you the answer without sitting through this: a castle in the Cairngorms for the same price as a barely habitable slum in Soho. To make this well-trodden narrative good telly you need characters. Granted, there were some gems from estate agents – “If you have a dog, or possibly a cat, it’s not a bad place for them to do their business,” one said as he gamely tried to pass off a glorified pet toilet as “coveted outside space.” – but the best ones needed more airtime. Likewise, some of the buyers had promise.