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In my previous dispatch from the traumatic home-hunting frontline, where regiments of estate agents fire broadsides of scorn at our hilarious budget-to-square-footage aspirations, I detailed how one such know-it-all had been forced to tell us – just as we were about to enter – why the house was unsellable, due to the all-pervasive stench of chemicals from the dry cleaner down below. Needless to say, we weren't inordinately tempted.

<i>Game of Thrones</i>, distinguished by its spectacular visuals, is at its best when tongue in cheek

Game of Thrones, Sky Atlantic, Sunday
The Undateables, Channel 4, Tuesday
Marrying Prince Harry, Channel 4, Friday

The return of a cult fantasy show tempts even a sceptical viewer to mug up on myths and maps

And relax: Rebecca Newman and Alan Dolan at his retreat Nazaret in Lanzarote

Take a deep breath: Discover the power of oxygen at a transformational breathing retreat

Lanzarote airport. Sugar-hyped children. Suntans. A smattering of leopard print. One lone female on a plastic seat, weeping. Reader, she was me, after an intensive breathing retreat.

Justin Lee Collins leaves St Albans Magistrates Court

Justin Lee Collins to face trial over ex-girlfriend

Comedian Justin Lee Collins is to stand trial for allegedly harassing his former girlfriend.

The Trench: A versatile classic for wet weather, warmer winters, cold springs and everything else in between. Burberry's version has become the benchmark, with its 156-year heritage and sturdy gabardine, cut to flatter any shape. £850, Burberry London, burberry.com

The capsule wardrobe: Fashion changes, these endure

The capsule wardrobe may sound complex – but it's a shopping strategy that will see you through hard times and last for years to come, says Harriet Walker

Chic moustaches feature on May's Tatler magazine

Trending: The lady mo' has its moment

A beautiful woman wearing a moustache has a strange hold on the imagination. Witness timeless knockout Christy Turlington sporting an upper-lip decoration on the cover of May's Tatler magazine and look no further than your local high street for hordes of hipsters dressing up as dandies on a hen night.

Denise Lewis is an Olympics ambassador for the 2012 Games

My Secret Life: Denise lewis, 39, athlete

My parents were... I grew up with my mum. She was very, very organised, a bit of a disciplinarian. We were like a little team, more like big sister, little sister.

Beyond Ballets Russes 1 London Coliseum, London

 After a winter of limited repertory, English National Ballet burst into spring with two ambitious programmes. The Beyond Ballets Russes season starts with a new ballet, new designs and some bright performances. The new Firebird doesn’t take off, but Erina Takahashi is a blazing Chosen One in The Rite of Spring.

Coppélia, London Coliseum, London

Coppélia is a village comedy with a streak of fantasy, from quarrelling lovers to dancing mechanical dolls. Birmingham Royal Ballet’s production has a light touch and a sunny atmosphere, from the bouncy corps dances to Nao Sakuma’s heroine.

Ready to Wear: Some people are natural fashion plates – but the rest of us are not

Victoria Beckham was once rarely seen without a baseball cap jammed on

When the Killing's Done, By TC Boyle

Conservation thriller with no end of rats

Figleaves underwear advert sparks complaints

A poster advert for a lingerie company featuring a woman in bra, knickers, stockings and stiletto shoes has prompted complaints it was "offensive" and unsuitable for display where it might be seen by children.

Independent Bath Literature Festival: The book has a future – but what will it look like?

Authors ask what happens next for publishing as figures reveal print sales are down 18 per cent

Phoebe Philo, the creative director of Céline

Philo shows Paris that the best designs come in small packages

Nothing short of perfect, says Susannah Frankel in Paris of the latest, understated collection from the creative director of Céline

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Berlin, Dresden, Meissen & Colditz
Prices correct as of 17 October 2014
Indiana serial killer? Man arrested for murdering teenage prostitute confesses to six other murders - and police fear there could be many more

A new American serial killer?

Police fear man arrested for murder of teen prostitute could be responsible for killing spree dating back 20 years
Sweetie, the fake 10-year-old girl designed to catch online predators, claims her first scalp

Sting to trap paedophiles may not carry weight in UK courts

Computer image of ‘Sweetie’ represented entrapment, experts say
Fukushima nuclear crisis: Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on - and may never return home

Return to Fukushima – a land they will never call home again

Evacuees still stuck in cramped emergency housing three years on from nuclear disaster
Wildlife Photographer of the Year: Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize

Wildlife Photographer of the Year

Intimate image of resting lions claims top prize
Online petitions: Sign here to change the world

Want to change the world? Just sign here

The proliferation of online petitions allows us to register our protests at the touch of a button. But do they change anything?
Ed Sheeran hits back after being labelled too boring to headline festivals

'You need me, I don’t need you'

Ed Sheeran hits back after being labelled too boring to headline festivals
How to Get Away with Murder: Shonda Rhimes reinvents the legal drama

How to Get Away with Murder

Shonda Rhimes reinvents the legal drama
A cup of tea is every worker's right

Hard to swallow

Three hospitals in Leicester have banned their staff from drinking tea and coffee in public areas. Christopher Hirst explains why he thinks that a cuppa is every worker's right
Which animals are nearly extinct?

Which animals are nearly extinct?

Conservationists in Kenya are in mourning after the death of a white northern rhino, which has left the species with a single male. These are the other species on the brink
12 best children's shoes

Perfect for leaf-kicking: 12 best children's shoes

Find footwear perfect to keep kids' feet protected this autumn
Anderlecht vs Arsenal: Gunners' ray of light Aaron Ramsey shines again

Arsenal’s ray of light ready to shine again

Aaron Ramsey’s injury record has prompted a club investigation. For now, the midfielder is just happy to be fit to face Anderlecht in the Champions League
Comment: David Moyes' show of sensitivity thrown back in his face by former Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson

Moyes’ show of sensitivity thrown back in his face... by Ferguson

Manchester United legend tramples on successor who resisted criticising his inheritance
Two super-sized ships have cruised into British waters, but how big can these behemoths get?

Super-sized ships: How big can they get?

Two of the largest vessels in the world cruised into UK waters last week
British doctors on brink of 'cure' for paralysis with spinal cord treatment

British doctors on brink of cure for paralysis

Sufferers can now be offered the possibility of cure thanks to a revolutionary implant of regenerative cells
Ranked seventh in world’s best tourist cities - not London, or Edinburgh, but Salisbury

Lonely Planet’s Best in Travel 2015

UK city beats Vienna, Paris and New York to be ranked seventh in world’s best tourist destinations - but it's not London