Never ask an artist to explain their work. Not, at least, if you want to understand it. American novelist Rick Moody, best known for The Ice Storm, broke this golden rule when he asked David Bowie to provide a “work-flow diagram” for his latest album The Next Day.

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Dance: Chaucer is jigging in his grave

Rambert: God's Plenty Palace Theatre, Manchester Sara Baras Sadler's Wells, London

Books: Nietzsche and Plato got it all wrong

In the Dark Places of Wisdom by Peter Kingsley Element pounds 12.99

Edinburgh Festival: Homer's where the art is

After 3,000, years the stories of the Trojan War are still gripping actors and audiences.

Edinburgh Festival `99: Fringe Theatre - The Cure at Troy

Oxford University Touring Company Over-Seas Hse, Venue 19, (0131-225 5105) 6.15pm, to 30 Aug

Theatre: No sex please, we're Ancient Greeks

LYSISTRATA

THEATRE: COMING ATTRACTIONS

Germaine Greer's comic skills were the toast of the Cambridge Footlights - and some would argue that feminism's gain has been the comedy world's great loss. Now she has managed to bring comedy and feminism together in her reworking of Aristophanes's Lysistrata, the play which shows women refusing to have sex with their men to stop them fighting a pointless war. Maybe if Monica Lewinsky had been brought up on this text, recent history would have been somewhat different. Remember, cynicism also started with the ancient Greeks.

RECORDS: JAZZ

Jan Garbarek and the Hilliard Ensemble: Mnemosyne (ECM)

Football: Fame is all in the name

OUTSIDE EDGE

The treasure buried in ancient Acts

The idea that cultural treasure should be returned is not new. "We are the target, if that's the right word, of the most famous request of all," says Andrew Hamilton of the British Museum. He means the Elgin Marbles, a collection of ancient Greek sculptures and fragments brought from the Parthenon in 1801. They were the first authentic classical Greek sculpture to be displayed in London, where they caused a sensation. Unfortunately the Greek government does not accept that the original sale was legal, and has asked for them back. So far the answer has been a polite but firm refusal.

Stabs in the back for an old feminist

SO WHAT do you think about Germaine Greer's new book? It's no good protesting that you haven't read it. Neither have I, and it hasn't stopped journalists ringing to ask what I make of it. Other people have been getting calls about it too, including my friend Maureen Freely, who is a feminist author as well as a colleague of Ms Greer's at Warwick University. The conversation moves swiftly from the book itself - not a very fruitful topic since it isn't due to be published until March next year - to questions about whether Ms Greer has anything to say to younger women.

Words: Cynical

The "Real IRA's" apology for the Omagh atrocity was taken by everyone with natural pinch of salt. The London Evening Standard thought it had the mot juste for it: "We have heard terrorists talk cynically of regret and of ceasefires before", said its leader, and its front-page story had the word twice in one sentence. (The "cynically timed" announcement "cynically did not say its ceasefire would be permanent"). This use of it would have puzzled Diogenes in his tub, and would have upset Antisthenes, the first cynic of all. He was a pupil of Socrates and his values were the opposite of the terrorists', since he believed only in virtue, despising ambition and the things of this world.

Naked cheek and the other Diana

This wasn't Princess Diana at all. This was Diana the huntress ...

Classical & Opera: Sing like an Egyptian

The Royal Opera's enforced exile from its home in Covent Garden is throwing up the opportunity to experience a number of interesting operatic rarities in concert format which, perhaps, wouldn't ever receive a full-blown staging in the normal course of events. One such rarity, which has been absent, at least from the British opera house, virtually since it was composed some 70 years ago, is Richard Strauss's Die agyptische Helena.

Letter: Healing the mind

Sir: I have great respect for Andreas Whittam Smith, so I was pleased to see him addressing the subject of "care in the community" (20 January). However, although the scientific basis of psychiatry may remain relatively weak, I fail to see how there has been no progress in understanding the relationship between the mind and brain since ancient Greece.
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National archives: Edward VIII’s phone calls - and how MI5 bugged them

Edward VIII’s phone calls - and how MI5 bugged them

Newly unearthed papers reveal a shocking extra dimension to the constitutional crisis over monarch’s abdication
Sent down at the Old Bailey: A tour of the world's most famous court

Sent down at the Old Bailey

A tour of the world's most famous court
Hollywood's random acts of red-carpet kindness

Hollywood's random acts of red-carpet kindness

The Hangover actor Zach Galifianakis’s date for his movie premieres isn’t arm candy  – it’s his 87-year-old friend who he saved from homelessness
British football scores an own goal

British football scores an own goal

Many managers barely survive a year in post. Martin Baker talks to experts who make a case for clubs using forensic business skills to find the best staff
James Lawton: Sergio Garcia cracks as major fault line opens up again

James Lawton

Sergio Garcia cracks as major fault line opens up again
Dylan Hartley: Northampton have spent the season proving all our critics wrong

Dylan Hartley talks tough

Northampton have spent the season proving all our critics wrong
Watch out Watford: Here comes the secretive Bilderberg Group

Watch out Watford: Here comes the secretive Bilderberg Group

A meeting of global power brokers in a Hertfordshire hotel is exciting conspiracy theorists, but what are they really about?
'The ultimate all-in-one home entertainment system': Microsoft finally unveils its Xbox ONE console

'The ultimate all-in-one home entertainment system'

Microsoft finally unveils its Xbox ONE console
Plenty of Fish dating site founder pulls 'Intimate Encounters' option to ward off sleazy men

Plenty of sleaze

Dating website pulls intimate 'hook-up' section to curb harassment
Inferno author Dan Brown 'honoured' to be invited to join the Freemasons

The Freemasons’ Code

Dan Brown reveals the message that told him door to the lodge is open
Not secure any more: G4S boss heads for exit at last

Not secure any more: G4S boss heads for exit at last

Nick Buckles survived the Olympics débâcle and a £5bn bid fiasco but a profit warning finally triggered his downfall
How to say ‘I’m a sellout’: Tumblr’s David Karp’s message of reassurance to his staff sounded very familiar

How to say ‘I’m a sellout’

Tumblr’s David Karp’s message of reassurance to his staff sounded very familiar
Why clubs are keen to take a stand

Why clubs are keen to take a stand

There's a real desire around the grounds for safe standing. But will the authorities listen?
In the end the fans decided Tony Pulis had made a pig's ear of the job at Stoke City

In the end the fans decided Tony Pulis had made a pig's ear of the job at Stoke City

Disillusion with a siege mentality and negative playing style made change inevitable
James Lawton: The James Hunt I knew is the subject of a new F1 movie

James Lawton: The James Hunt I knew is the subject of a new F1 movie

British driver was fascinating man whose epic duel with Niki Lauda in 1976 was typical of an era of glamour and glory – but also the ever-present threat of death